Whisper

~One Night With The Alpha~

                                                                           Chapter 19:

"She's dead Shawn. She's dead." I whisper to him. His hand slowly caresses the side of my head. I know he hated me and he was probably going to hurt me with the gesture, but it was the only form of comfort I was experiencing right now. My eyes briefly close shut for a second as I sigh and reach for his hand so he could keep it there a little longer. 

"What happened?" He insists. I knew he was toying with me! I knew it. 

"Please don't make me answer that." I beg him feeling the pain rising again. He repeats his question. I scream in pain. He holds my head in place. 

"Shawn please! please, please, please!" I cry. His cold dark brown eyes stare into the deepest parts of my soul and I shake with fear. I try to resist but the sharp pain slowly becomes unbearable by the second. 

"Shawn-please." I beg desperately.

"Don't fight it Whisper. The pain will only get worse." I hear Willie's comforting voice say from a far distance. I look into Shawn's eyes. 

"I killed her."

I gasp and begin to weep bitterly. A few attempted suppressed gasps erupt from the pack as well. A flash of compassion passes through Shawn's brown eyes as he holds me. The serum forces me to go into detail. 

"T-that night-I transformed. I went back to my house and-I-I attacked her. S-he, she shot her gun and the beast inside me grew alarmed so she attacked her. She attacked my Nana" I explain in between sobs.

"I attacked my Nana. She was everything to me! She was my only guardian. The only one who cared for me from the beginning. She took me in and raised me. Maybe if she hadn't she would still be alive today", I pour out desperately.

"That's why I escaped. Emmett let me go. I had to check up on her, but when I got there...it was too late. She was gone", I cry. "I didn't even attend the funeral. I left Shelby to take care of everything, because I didn't have the right to be there and say goodbye", I confess.

"Bring the reverse serum", the Alpha finally and surprisingly announces. He releases me and walks away. I stare at the ground. Chase bends down and places his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He questions. "No", I confess truthfully. I can't even look at the pack. 

The Beta inserts the serum gently. I feel the affects reversing within me. I sigh in relief. "Whisper!" Willie calls. We lock eyes, I try to smile, but I fail. 

Chase stands up and allows Willie to bend down across from me. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that", he quickly apologizes. "Just hug me", I almost plead. He doesn't hesitate to wrap me in his arms. I sigh in relief feeling his warmth.

"Final stage!" Emmett's voice booms almost as loud and harsh as the Alpha's. "What!? Final stage? It's not over?" I blurt out. I look around anxiously. "Willie, Willie, I-I don't know if I can go on", I confess desperately. 

"Hey calm down, you've gone through the worst parts. Just one more stage and you'll be one of us. You got this", he encourages. Willie then helps me up. We all face Emmett. 

"One night with the Alpha." Emmett states. My jaw drops. I look at Shawn. He glares at me seriously. I grab Willie's arm in response. 

                                                                                ~*~

The night was silent. An uncomfortable silence. Willie and the rank had escorted the Alpha and I to our tent. This particular tent was specifically used for the ceremony, so at least I wasn't entering the Alpha's personal space and sleeping on his personal mattress. It was still awkward and scary though. This was terrible. 

Willie had tried to calm my nerves, but the pit in my stomach was telling me otherwise. 

I stare down at my fingers, sitting on the right side of the mattress. To my luck, there was only one bed, and I highly doubt that Shawn was going to sleep on the floor. 

"That's my side." He informs sternly. I look up and glare at him. "Of course", I mumble rolling my eyes and rolling over to the left side. 

"You better stop those snarky comments. I still have some truth serum laying around here somewhere." He warns. The hairs on the back of my neck shoot up. "Are you kidding me!?" I growl. He smirks. "Yes I am", he confesses. 

"That wasn't fun. This isn't funny." I bite. "Fine." He accepts and effortlessly removes his shirt. I can't help but stare. Just like every other male in this pack, the Alpha was strong and fit with big muscles and firm abs.

A few tattoos that I never bothered to notice rest as sleeves on his left shoulder down to his arm. The blue feather that we all shared glows beautifully on the back of his neck. His jet black hair rests right above the feather, almost covering it. I gasp when I notice the many scars that scatter his back. 

"Where did you get those scars?" I blurt out jumping from the bed. His back tenses up. My feet move closer to him. "None of your concern", he responds through gritted teeth. "They look painful", I state feeling my hand reach for his back slowly. "They were", he assures. 

My finger touches the tip of one his scars before he grabs my hand instantly. I gasp. "Do not touch me", he warns slowly and dangerously. "You're hurting me!" I exclaim. "You should be used to it by now" he retorts rudely. I groan in pain. 

"I'm sorry I won't do it again, just please let me go!" I plead. He lets go. I shoot him a death glare before retreating back to the mattress. 

"Nothing has to happen tonight. Let's just get this over with", he announces. I nod in agreement. He joins me after blowing out the lights.

It was going very well until my curiosity had to ruin it. "Why do you hate me?" I ask. I hear him sigh in annoyance. "Do I really have to answer that?" He questions.

"Only if you want to", I reply. "I don't", he replies. "Okay", I accept.

"You've spent a night with every single member of this pack?" I ask another question. He sighs again. "Yes Whisper. Slept with a few of them too." He smirks. 

"I didn't need to know that." I assure him. "I have to make you stop asking questions some how." He states.

"You win", I retort. 

"Did you sleep with Veronica?" I ask. "I thought you said I won!?" He exclaims. Clearly I lied. "Did you?" I insist. "Yes I did." He replies boldly. I shift uncomfortably. Why did Willie have to like her?

"Does she have many suitors?" I ask. "I'm pretty sure every male in this pack has desired her", Shawn responds truthfully. That is my cue to not fall in love with anybody here.

"Well has she been with anybody else besides you?" I ask. "Most definitely." He chuckles. "Why are you asking so much about Veronica, do you like her or something?" He questions surprisingly.

"No. Just wondering." I reply flatly. "Because she intimidates you right?" He laughs. I remain silent. "You know your silence answers questions as well." He points out. I roll my eyes even though he can't see me. 

"I just don't get it. Why her? There are some many other females here. Are they invisible or something?" I question. 

"No, but they're not hot like Veronica. Plus V defends herself well. She's a fighter in every aspect. She's confident, independent, bold. Guys are attracted to that. They're also attracted to females they know they can't have." He explains. 

"So not everyone can have Veronica?" I ask for clarification. "Nope, which makes her even more desirable." he retorts. "But you've been with her, and so have others. So is she really that untouchable?" I challenge. Shawn laughs. 

"Am I touchable? Who says anyone can get with me?" He questions. I remain silent.

"Look, maybe she's untouchable, maybe she's not. Everyone wants different things and everyone makes only certain parts of themselves assessable. Some people just want to sleep around. Others want something" He states. "Like you." I boldly reply. 

"Or maybe that's just the part of yourself you make assessable." I suggest right after. "Sometimes it's easier that way. You get hurt less. Plus I'm the Alpha. The only job I have is to lead this pack and make them strong and fearless. I could care less if they hate me or love me. The important thing is that they're alive and they respect me. Being Alpha is my whole existence, without it, I'm nothing. That's the only part of me I make assessable. It's the only one that matters." He confesses.

I ponder those thoughts for a while, trying to form a response. He was right. We do only make certain parts of ourselves assessable to others. The ones we tend to reserve for ourselves are usually the ones that make us feel vulnerable, weak, naked. But aren't those the ones that truly matter? Or do we make them unreachable even for ourselves, because we're afraid of what others might think?

"You're not the coldhearted and unsympathetic leader you portray to be, and you're more than just an Alpha. You may refuse to let anyone in and see the rest of your parts, but that doesn't make them any less real." 

I realized this during the ceremony when I witnessed the flash of compassion pass through his eyes when he starred into mine.

He didn't reply, and I didn't insist. My eyelids grew heavy until I was sound asleep.