The Missing Piece

Was it because of the rain?

We elected for Oliver to come over on Tuesday. It would give me some time to do other things or think of activities for the rest of the week. It was raining that day. My back yard was a huge puddle of mud. My dogs were also the color of mud. They are parading around the house while I’m trying to catch them to clean them off. That’s when Oliver shows up and knocks on my door. All 3 dogs go crazy, they are still covered in mud, and now I am trying to answer the door. At this point I’m filthy and look like I haven’t showered since the last day of school. Emalin is in her room, watching videos on her tablet, unaware of the things that have taken place. I open the door. Oliver sees the mess and tries to help. I tell him that I am going to wash the dogs while he helps Emalin with their first lesson. An hour and a half later, the dogs are clean and dry. I, however, am the opposite. Oliver laughs "I will watch Emalin and the girls while you go shower." Still cautious, I agree. 

It has never been so quiet while taking a shower. I normally hear barking, and fussing about the barking. It’s quiet, and I can hear my own thoughts. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. My thoughts run wild when I focus on them. I think about all the events that have lead up to this moment. I burst into tears. I hear a knock on the bathroom door. It’s Oliver. "Emalin is napping, but I heard you crying." I sit in the floor of the shower. "I will listen if you want to talk." I barely know him, but I decide to just pour my heart out. He sits outside the bathroom door and just listens. I have friends. Harper lives 4 hours away and expecting her first child. I don’t like to bother her. Valerie is the closest friend I have that lives close. She has her own problems that come with the territory of transitioning from male to female. We are there for each other, but I feel as I have burned out the conversation of what has become of my life. It was nice to just say it all to someone with a different perspective. After I say everything that I needed to say, it’s quiet. I thought he left, but I guess he was just figuring out what to say. I got out of the shower, dried off, put my clothes on, and opened the door. I went out to see what I was sure is a person with a terrified look on his face. I opened the door, but the look on his face wasn’t a terrified one. It was one of concern. I wasn’t sure who he was concerned about.. myself or Emalin? 

He hugged me. I was confused to say the least, but it felt nice. I have heard if you hug someone for 1 minute your body releases endorphins. I’m not sure if that’s what happened to me. I felt warm for the first time in a while. He finally let go, but not until I let go first. "Thank you for everything. I completely understood if you don't want to come back to help Emalin." "I will be back Thursday," he said with a smirk. I didn’t think he would come back at all. For some reason he decided to come back again the same week. I had my suspicions about his reasoning for doing this for us. First, I thought maybe he was doing an inconspicuous home visit. After today, I knew in my bones that he was there just to help. My life was shattered into so many pieces that I needed all the help I could get to pick them up.