The Missing Piece

The day in between

Wednesday came, but didn’t go by as fast as the days normally do. I spent the day cleaning up the house in anticipation of Oliver coming back on Thursday. I vacummed, mopped, dusted, and put away laundry. Emalin didn’t know what to think of my actions. This was not the mother she had seen for the past year. She seemed excited and wanted to help. She said she would do anything but clean her room. Her room gave me anxiety just to look at it. It was just a tornado of all the things a 7 year old would have in their rooms. We just closed the door to her room. I was recovering, but didn’t have the energy to put into that project yet. 

After we were done, we decided to play some board games together. I did feel upset while playing. Liam used to love to play games with us. He was so competitive, especially at monopoly. He would make you want to flip a table, but we always had fun. I guess this was the first time since his passing that we played any games. I feel even more terrible now. How could I not play games with my little girl for over a year? I could feel myself slipping back into a depression, only this time I tried my hardest not to let Emalin see it happen. She was exhausted after the day we had. She went to sleep, and I did something that night I had not done in a long time. I decided to write in my journal. It was therapeutic for me a long time ago. I thought it couldn’t hurt to try it out again.