All I Ever Wanted

3

CHLOE

Maybe I’ll end up doing the drugs for real. Maybe I’d even become some street worker too. Or some cheap lady who steals ketchup from Mcdonald's—irrelevant.

The smell of New York’s busy streets makes my eyes water. Maybe if I hadn’t spent the entire night packing, I’d have been able to stay awake for the five-hour flight.

I could tell dad didn’t want to be here either. I remember his words:

“It’s not about me getting rid of you” Even though I was sure as hell that was what this was about. “It’s about getting you a better place. You saw what happened. Mark’s clearly isn’t the best school for you” He says as if Principal Mark owns the school. Maybe he does, what do I know?

I know he's right though. Principal Mark only listened to the Lavigne's because of the power they had. The same threat could come from an average person like me and I wouldn’t be taken seriously. Lesson learnt. Life is s**t.

New York is beautiful, I admit. I’ve read books that are set in New York but I never created the right imagery in my head. And the bridges, the Statue of Liberty; which of course I haven’t seen because we’re in Manhattan, the buildings—They all weren’t emphasised enough in books or given enough information to create the correct imagery.

Dad hasn’t seen mom for about the same time as I. But they’re good. I’m good. We’re all good. That’s all we’ve ever wanted. To be… good.

I continued to walk beside him, trying to make my steps match his. Of course, that isn’t possible because of how busy the streets are.

“Who are you here to see” I hear a man, his voice startling me. I look up from the floor. A gatekeeper. He is tall and dark-skinned. His hair was a bit untidy and his eyes were staring at us questioningly.

Dad goes to talk to him while I look back at the streets. We had just walked through here and I can barely recognise it. I can’t believe this is my new home.

Her house is big. Pretty big; like she was having the best life without us. Well... she was. It was pretty obvious. I didn't need someone telling me that already.

When dad comes back, he motions for me to go in. I’m surprised when he doesn’t follow behind me.

“I'm leaving” He waves.

“Aren’t you going to say hi?” I probed.

“I don't need to. besides, I need to catch my flight back” He pulls off an I'm-too-nervous-to-do-this look as he says it. He nods me goodbye and leaves. The gatekeeper does me a favor by leaving the gates open until he's gone.

I don’t have to knock. The doors come flying open as soon as dad disappears. Kate runs up to me with her red— formerly blonde—hair jumping behind her. She hugs me and I pull away almost immediately.

Her smile goes lighter as she looks at me. I fake a smile so I don’t seem too rude. She takes one of my two bags and we walk in together. I look around her fancy peach-coloured home, and the way every piece of furniture matched is so aesthetic. And her bookshelves are full of beautiful books that I’ll definitely check out later.

I follow her up the stairs.

“Welcome, Chloe. Make yourself at home” she opens a door. My room, I assume.

It was pretty big. Bigger than the one I had back at home.

I like my new room, but I don’t tell her that. Even if I want her to warm up to her it wouldn't be just yet.

“We got you new clothes. We figured you need a new wardrobe since you start a new school tomorrow”

We? What did she mean by we? Her and dad?

“I don’t want to start school tomorrow. I’m tired from the flight”

“I know darling but they wouldn’t take you in any other time”

“ok then” I wanted to say thanks but I held it in. I continued to look around my new room hoping she would leave soon.

As soon as she left, I checked the toilets, closets; everywhere just to make sure it was all good. I like it.

The bed is quite soft too. I jump off the bed and open the curtains. I look out the big glass window. It is an amazing view. There is a mirror right next to it. I look at my reflection. I am exhausted.

All the clothes she got me are beautiful. Dad has a horrible fashion sense so not all my clothes look nice.

I close the curtains after staring outside a bit longer. The houses here are pretty close and I can almost see through the next-door window. Almost.

I set my alarm to seven, for dinner. I then sleep for another 3 hours.

Dinner isn’t ready by seven so I spend the rest of my time before dinner getting my stuff ready.

I sit on a chair at dinner waiting for Kate to serve dinner. The pots make clashing sounds, loud enough to make me go deaf.

“Babe, what’s going on in there?” I hear a voice. It’s not the gatekeeper, it’s not dad. Then who is it?

“I can barely sleep. You know I’ve got work tomorrow” She doesn’t apologise. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she did it on purpose.

A man who looked like he was in his late 30s came into the kitchen. He doesn’t see me at first and goes to hug Kate from behind. He kisses her cheek and then turns around, he sees me.

Kate turns too. “You’re here already” he sounds a bit alarmed. He looks at Kate and then back at me. “I’m Joshua,” he smiles. I didn't return it. I just stare at both of them in front of me.

I notice the ring on Kate’s finger. It is silver with little diamonds around it. When she catches me staring, she speaks.

“Babe. Why don’t you go watch tv? I’ll come to call you when it’s ready” with that he walks off understandingly.

She watches him leave and then turns to me. “Chloe…” I watch her awestruck. I don’t know what to say.

“I and Joshua have been together for almost six years now. He proposed only a few days ago”

I had figured that part out, but I still felt some kind of anger in me when she said it. So that was the guy she cheated on dad with. How dare she tear our family apart and still go ahead to get married?

“The wedding is this Saturday” she drops another bomb on me. Maybe if she apologised I’d feel better. Or she at least regretted hurting us. I stared at her, waiting for her to tell me it was a joke. That she was trying to be funny, but there was no hint of laughter in her face.

“Okay” is all I can say. It's not like there’s anything I can do. I don't want to interfere. I don't need her and she doesn't need me either. Sometimes I just wish things were back to normal.

I sit at dinner and eat quietly. The only sounds I hear are the sounds of our cutlery hitting the plates and the tv still turned on. I want to forget the conversation I’ve just had with her. If only life worked that way.

I wake up to my alarm pretty early in the morning. I want to look really good for school today and that will take me at least 2 hours. Not like I actually cared about my looks, I just wanted to make a good first impression.

As soon as I finished getting ready I walked downstairs feeling good about myself. Even though everything was out of place in my crappy life at least I was able to do good for my looks.

“What would you like to have for breakfast today?” Kate asked me as soon as I got downstairs. Almost as if she waited the whole night just to ask me that.

“um.. I'm good” I'm not all that hungry anyway. And I don’t want to talk.

The atmosphere is different. It is really busy. I sigh. I feel my face burn as I see a guy step out of his house. He looks about my age. He has tall, brown hair, I can’t look close enough to see the colour of his eyes because I don’t want him to catch me staring.

Kate startles me as she gets out of the house with her car keys jingling. “That’s Alexander” I feel embarrassed that she caught me staring. She shows me her car and we get in. The gatekeeper opens the gates and Kate drives us out. Alexander. I can’t believe he lives next door to me.