Have you ever wanted to die Connor?
649 Words
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!
SUICIDE AND SELF HARM MENTION
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Connor opened his eyes and realised Hank wasn't there. He sat up and looked around.
"Lieutenant Anderson...?" He whispered
Connor got off of the bed, put on some boxers, grabbed a shirt and trousers from his draw then put them on. He walked into the hall then the living room. Nothing...
"Lieutenant?" He repeated
Connor looked over at the clock. It was 2 am. Connor then ran into the kitchen, worried that Hank was playing Russian roulette again. He wasn't there.
Connor exited the kitchen and realised the front door was open slightly. He opened it to find hank leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his hand.
"Lieutenant Anderson...?" Connor asked
"Connor? Why are you up so early?" Hank questioned
"Same question for you"
"I couldn't sleep... I was thinking about... never mind" Hank took a puff of his cigarette
"Cole? I saw your dream... I'm so sorry Lieutenant. But you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault"
Hank's face darkened and tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He puffed out the smoke and crosses his arms
"Losing someone you care about, Connor, it hurts. It really f*****g hurts. Especially your son. No father wants to outlive his child. To burry their lifeless body into the ground. To see their face small, pale and weak. It hurts you. It makes you weaker. It makes you want to hurt yourself to feel better... but the pain always comes back" Hank whispered. He gently rolled up his sleeves and grabbed Connor's hand, placing it on his arm. Connor gently felt the scars on Hank's arm. Some older, some from just a few weeks ago "have you ever wanted to die Connor? Or to hurt yourself?"
"Lieutenant I- no... I haven't"
Hank laughed slightly. But then tears began dripping down his face
"I should have been there. I could have helped him. I was willing to do anything Connor but yet it wasn't enough. He spent his last hours in pain and fear. Crying for help. Seeing him like that... it still haunts me today. I'm scared Connor. I'm scared of dying but yet at the same time I want to. I want to stop feeling like this but... you've given me something to look forward to. Ever since I've know you I've not touched a knife like that. I've tried Russian roulette while drunk but... you've stopped me. I don't want to lose you too Connor. I couldn't..."
Connor wrapped his arms around Hank. The older man felt tears dripping on his shoulder and down his face. Connor had started crying too.
"I saw your dream Hank... I saw how upset you are. How scared you felt... I've been scared like that too. Disobeying cyberlife, going on our missions, having to shoot other androids and... Amanda..."
"Amanda? Who's Amanda?" Hank asked, gently pushing Connor away
"Someone from cyberlife... I talk to her sometimes when I close my eyes. She doesn't agree with a lot of things I've done. Especially not our relationship... she could report me to cyberlife and get me shut down... I suppose... I'm scared of Amanda. I'm scared of being shut down. I'm scared of dying because I know I'll never see you again..."
Hank hugged Connor again
"You stupid asshole... nothing will separate us... If the worst happens, and that s**t does report you to cyberlife we run. We'll get in my car and we'll go somewhere. Somewhere they can't take you away. Somewhere that we'll be safe. Together, forever..."
The two stayed in each other's embrace before going back into the house. They went into the kitchen and Connor turned on the kettle. He made a cup of coffee for hank then sat with him at the table.
'Together forever...' Connor thought 'it's a nice idea but... humans don't live forever'
- Writer
