Indifferent

For a 33 years old lady I was doing well for myself, living a very comfortable life and I had my fair share of life struggles, I was raised by a single mother my dad cared less for the both of us, he told mum when she informed him about the pregnancy that he was not ready to take responsibility, he could barely provide for himself let alone a wife or a child. Her conception was not a product of love or any affection, it was a fling between two frustrated adults who were drunk on cheap alcohol regardless mum never held it against my father, she respected his sincerity and ever since they never got in touch. He left the state not long after they conversed, mom said he probably went in search of greener pastures and didn’t want to be burdened with the thought of a child hovering around the corner as they were neighbours. Mum raised me to be an honest lady, she told me everything, as a kid she would drop me off at a friend’s place who was kind enough to watch over me while she worked. Mrs Tones was a kind lady and a stay home wife, she had two kids and her first was same age as me while the second was barely a year old. Her husband earned enough to take care of his family and did not require his wife to work. Mrs Tones and my mum met at the super market when they were both pregnant, mum helped her buy some groceries because Mrs Tones was new in the area and she wasn’t a great cook, she was still learning her way around the kitchen and since that day at the store they got acquainted and became closer when they found out that they lived a street apart, mum taught her how to cook most dishes during weekends when she wasn’t working. Mum worked three jobs but always made time in the weekends to be with me, she said I was the most important job to her and all her other jobs was to make this better. She was a per time home service attendant and a cleaner at a company then she worked at a book store the rest of the day till 5:30pm when she got off work and came to pick me.Every morning mum made sure I ate breakfast before heading for Mrs Tones house and she packed lunch snacks enough for two so I wouldn’t burden Mrs with feeding and extra mouth and I could always share my lunch with Neil nevertheless Mrs Tones always ensured I ate lunch as she didn’t treat me any different from her sons in fact she treated me somewhat special because she wanted a girl when she was pregnant with her second child but fate was kind enough to bless her with another boy which she was thankful for so she treated me as a daughter. Neil was a smart kid but was a socially withdrawn child and had speech difficulty so his mother had him home schooled and allowed me tag along. Mr tones was a nice man, he paid the fees for me to join the private home school with his son although he was barely home, in all the years I had been with them I had only seen him once, he worked a 6am to 6pm job at a private organisation so he left before I came and I before he returned. Despite Neil’s difficulty he never really found it hard to communicate with me and we became good friends in no time, his mother suggested that it may be due to my cheerful and free spirited nature and I never found it hard to understand him so he was very comfortable around me.Things started to get hard for us when Mrs Tones family had to relocate to another country because her husband was transferred to another country so mum had to take me with to work every day and because of the bills she was not able to save enough to pay for school. Most times I helped her at work when she was cleaning and at the bookstore, the manager was kind enough to let me stay in the kid’s section and read the books that unintentionally progressed into a good market strategy because the adults that saw me reading would make conversations with me and asked me questions, they were always impressed with how well I spoke and how intelligent my answers thanks to the home lessons I received during the years at the Tones house and the one hour life lessons mum gave me every night as bed time stories . Many of the adults bought books for their kids or the children they had around while handed tips to mum while some always returned to see me because they grew fund of me. Mum got a raise because of the increase in sales and that gave her the opportunity to pay my fees for school and meet our basic needs. I didn’t attend a private school but she made sure I attended a standard public school that had standard curriculum.As I grew mum’s bed time stories began to shift from fictitious tales to real life experiences and she always made sure I understood the values of life like honesty, contentment and patience amongst others. I was thirteen when mum told me about my dad and she said so without any sense of contempt or disdain but with respect for him, she said he was honest enough to leave from the beginning and not cower into taking responsibility and leaving half way or taking responsibility but with the seamless hurt in his heart for them because he had to take responsibility for something he clearly wasn’t ready for. She emphasized that there was also a possibility that if he had stayed he may have turned out to be a great dad but there was no point in blind hope, we should be honest with the reality we were facing and be contented with what we have, she didn’t even tell me his name and I never thought it necessary to ask, mum and I had an understanding like none other and we were contented with each other, when she named me she gave me Sapphire Claire, sapphire a stone she cherished and Claire was name.Years passed mum got better jobs and it was sufficient for us, I graduated high school and attended a state university not far from home but mum raised me to be independent, I worked through college not because mum couldn’t pay but I wanted to. Mum never married or was involved romantically with anyone, it wasn’t because she had a vendetta against love or anything she told me that she had given all the love she had to give to me and there was none left and she was okay, I remember there were some well-meaning men who tried to use me to get points from mum but all their attempts didn’t yield because I was just like my mum and when they realized some left frustrated while others stayed and remained friends with the family. I was 23 years old in final year in college and was working on my final term project when I fell ill and was bed ridden and unable to speak, after several tests were carried out, I was diagnosed with cancer, a tumour was seen in my temporal lobe and I had to be hospitalized for months, those were dark times for me, mum was always around, she would read over and over to me but I couldn’t speak so I could let her know that she was doing terrible at her narrations and some of the genres she picked were not exactly my area of interest, mum wouldn’t mind if I told her after all I was being honest. She read geographical articles to me, history and war biographies and those were the worst for me however she read novels to me too and I enjoyed those sessions. The cancer was at a critical stage two and so I practically lived in the hospital, I had to pause school and begin radiation and chemotherapy. The depression set in when had to shave my hair and for the very first time I saw my mum shed tears and I couldn’t comfort her because of my inability to speak, I responded with tears no matter how hard I tried to restrain them it just kept flowing. When we were exhausted from the tears, she wiped the tears from both our faces and spoke this words to me in a way I had never heard before “it’s nobody’s fault you’re here today, just live every day you open your eyes as it comes, you might as well be dead but you’re not.” Those words pierced my soul and comforted me in a way that I could never explain, that was the last day I saw my mum cry. Shortly after that did mum begin the reading escapade with me, few times when I had the strength I responded to her by writing while other times I guess she understood me. I didn’t have much friends, Jess and Sam who came as often as they could too which wasn’t so much because they were also final year students and had projects and research paper to submit, there were both history majors while I was a psychology major, we met in our first year at a club we had common interest in and became friends ever since.Three months into therapy I woke up one Friday morning and saw mum lying in the corner next to me, she spent most nights with me except when I insisted she go home and rest or when any of my friends were around. Mum usually wakes before me so she would ready the things I would need before I woke up however that morning was unusual, I couldn’t speak so I tried grunting to make a sound but she didn’t move and I started to feel unease, maybe she was sick that was the only reasonable explanation as to why she was still asleep thankfully a nurse walked in and saw me and understood I was trying to get mum’s attention so she reached out to mum to wake her but there was no response, she tried again but this time with an uneasy expression on her face, when mum did not respond I saw her place two fingers on mum’s hand which I guessed was her trying to check her pulse I couldn’t tell the result I just noticed she rushed out and came back a few minutes later with the doctor, the doctor did the same thing the nurse did then I heard him tell the nurse to bring the attendants in then he faced me and spoke with a distressed but ethical tone, “I’m sorry but your mum has passed away” those words hit me like thunder bolts and everywhere was silent for a few minutes then he continued “ we don’t know the cause of her death but with your permission we would carry out the necessary procedures to ascertain the cause of death.