Loving the one who started my fall

Ariah’s POV It’s a night of freedom. I tried to convince myself. I decided to finally break out of my shell or rather, I was forced to. I’m at my boyfriend’s party, the one who just walked past me like he didn’t see me standing alone. The music is loud and the lights are bright. I watched as my classmates and other unfamiliar faces dance and laugh so cheerfully like they belong here. I stood still, watching everyone else have fun. I felt invisible. I looked around the room, hoping to see a familiar face but everyone felt so unfamiliar. The room felt too big and I felt too small in it. When have I ever not felt alone? I checked my phone again. No texts. No missed calls. My parents never text unless it’s important. To them, work is always important. Even more than I am. My mother is always in court. My father is always at the hospital. It’s a usual routine for us, I’m used to it. I tried to text Danielle but the messages just wouldn’t go through. I sighed as I dropped my phone. “She’s probably with her other friends” I told myself. Danielle is the only person I talk to. I like to think of her as my best friend even though I know she’d never call me hers. She had been my friend since grade six, she was the first person who ever reached out to me. Growing up, I learnt how to do everything myself. I eat alone. Walk alone. I celebrate alone. My parents think providing is the same as being present. Love in my house came in the form of paid bills and quiet hallways. Sometimes I imagined what it would be like if my mother asked how I was doing without checking her watch or if my father noticed how much I was bleeding inside but those thoughts only made the silence louder, so I buried them. This is why I cling to people like Danielle and William. Even when I’m fully aware they use me. Even when I know they do not really care. I accept it gracefully. Being used feels better than being alone. I snapped out of my thoughts as I spot Danielle walking towards me. She was holding two clear cups filled with vodka. Her eyeliner was a bit smudged and her lips were glossy like she had just reapplied them. She looked excited like being here is the best thing that ever happened to her. “Why are you standing like a lost puppy?” she asked while handing me one of the cups. “I was looking for William” I said while leaning toward her hoping she heard me over the loud music. She rolled her eyes and hissed slightly. “Girl please. You know how he is. He’s probably showing off somewhere” My chest stung at the truth of her words. “He walked past me earlier. He didn’t even spare me a glance.” Danielle put on a fake sad face and pulled me closer. “I’m very sorry babe. You don’t deserve that and you know it. Just forget him tonight and have fun.” I looked at the drink in my hand, staring at it for like a minute. I was never the type to drink or dance. I always stand at the corner watching other people live their lives to the fullest. But tonight felt different. I’m tired of waiting for people to notice me. I lifted the cup up and drank the content all at once. The liquid burned my throat, my eyes watered and I let out a little cough. Danielle laughed as loudly and clapped. “That’s my girl,” she says. The music felt louder now. My body felt lighter. Danielle pulled me to the dance floor. It felt awkward at first, I didn’t even know when I stopped caring. More drinks came, I moved my body the way everyone did. Everything started to blur altogether. Danielle disappeared into the crowds with other people. I didn’t panic like I normally would, instead I felt free. I walked towards the hallway, hoping to find a place to rest for a little while. That’s when I saw him. My feet came to a halt and everything else blurred into the background. I saw him leaning against the wall, watching everyone like he’s not impressed. He’s tall with dark hair, a perfectly sculpted body with sharp brown eyes. I didn’t know what drew me to him, only that looking away felt so impossible. When his eyes landed on mine, he didn't look away. He walked toward me slowly. A gasp escaped my lips as I stumbled on my own feet. I balanced myself, scanning the features of the person who was now in front of me. “Hey” he said.. His voice was calm and deep. My tongue suddenly stopped working no matter how hard I tried to speak. The only thing that was working were my eyes. The man standing in front of me gave off a feeling that tells me to run out the hallway right now. But my feet refused to move, stuck firmly to the ground, just as his brown eyes stayed locked on mine. My skin felt hot wherever his gaze touched and suddenly it felt like the room had grown warmer. He stepped toward me slowly, closer this time. His gaze fixed on me. “Hi…” I stammered, my tongue finally found its use. “I’m Ariah” “Ariah…” he said, almost a whisper. His voice was low, calm and somehow it made my heart pound faster. He nodded slightly, a small smile played at the corner of his lips. “Bartholomew,” he says. “Uh… nice to meet you.” My voice sounded too quiet even to my own ears. “You look like you don’t belong here.” I laughed softly. “Neither do you.” He leaned against the wall, still watching me. Do you come to parties like this often?” he asked. I shook my head. “Not really. I… I don’t really like crowds.” The words slipped out before I could stop them. “Yeah?” His smile growed a little. “Do you… wanna get out of here?” he asked. His eyes were intense now, like he was looking straight into me. I walked towards him and stopped just a few steps away from him. “Where do you wanna take me”. I asked him, barely audible. “We’ll see”. He linked his hand with mine and my heart skipped a beat