Wisdom From a Madman (Collection of Micro-short stories)

I Bob Dennis Makes Friend Once upon a moment, there was a name called Bob Dennis and Bob Dennis never liked living creatures. That is why he works in a morgue. He talks to the dead and he makes them talk back. He is a very gross, strange guy. Bob Dennis liked his job until it all burned down. One of the fellas wasn't actually dead. And he started the fire because this fella liked the smell of burning human flesh. He and Bob Dennis became friends. II Mute and Sales There was a quiet man who did not talk at all. He wasn't mute; he just didn't like the sound of his own voice. He tried to change it with exercise and pitches but it hurt his throat. Then one day a salesman came to his door with a pill that changes all voices with zero side effects. This man took a pill and his voice changed. Took another one and his voice changed again. The salesman came every day to show the effects of the pill until his own voice could not take it any longer; He had been lying to the man. The man was not pleased and, to his dismay, asked why. The salesman admitted that he was in love with the wannabe mute man. Plus, he could talk for the both of them. SO they started dating and fell in love. The salesman spoke a lot but listened more and the wannabe mute man learned sign language but only spoke to the salesman when he wanted. They got married and had a kid who was quite confused by his weird ass family. III Jimmy the Piper Once a day Jimmy the piper would play on his pipe (get your mind out of the gutter). He was good because he played and played until his finger bleed, then he would stop for the day. This happened every day with no concert in sight. One day his mother hide his pipe. He searched and searched but came to a dead end. Here, he fell to his knees and prayed while crying. Once he was done, he stood up and went to his room. There, he read his book, His mother saw this. For a week, Jimmy did not play his pipe. For a week he did other things like reading, walking and jogging. His mother gave him his pipe back as he was not mad but grateful. Now Jimmy plays not until his fingers bleed. IV Girl of Arrogance There was a girl who grew arrogant overnight. So much so that she never heard a word of advice. Then one day, as expected, her world and life came burning down and she had no idea what to do. All her thoughts were wrong and made it worse. It is said that to this day she cries and cries but that is a lie. People came to her and gave advice as they have done before. This time she actually shut the f**k up and listened. V Prue: Mini Monster One day there was a mini monster called Prue. She was tiny but vicious and ugly, as well as loved. She had a family who she loved and protected. Every day she would walk around the house to keep it safe. One night a robber tried to break in but Prue caught him in the ankle. And ate him alive. In the morning she was full and could eat no more for the rest of her life. The family saved money. VI Eddy's Plans It was a bright sunny day but the soul of Eddy was dark. He was a man of many words, all of them useless. He was trying to hide what was within… his dark soul… was because of cats. Those fluffy, furry mammals that do nothing except leave hair everywhere. Eddy made a plan. He would put cheese in a close off room, hook up a fan to spread the scent and attract the mice so the cats would follow. All was well all was in place. Eddy flipped the switch and the scent flew. The mice came, the cats did not. But the kittens did. They followed the mice, but instead of eating them they wanted to play with them. Their game of choice was chess. So Eddy landed up with a closed room with mice and kittens playing chess. He made another plan: To sell tickets and make himself a billionaire. He lived happily ever after and he stopped talking so much which as the true happy ending. VII Happy Pat There was a happy man called Pat (short for Natepatniel, his parents spelt the name wrong on the birth certificate), but he was unhappy about being happy. He kept saying “Golly, gosh, golly, gosh, what I wouldn’t give to be generally unhappy.” The word sad never existed to him and he would always forget that it did. Pat felt as if his happiness was a shallow feeling, so he wanted to feel unhappy to get happy. One day while standing on the edge of a building with a smile on his face, as he does when he wants to feel the air (he wasn’t going to ever jump), Pat though a though which caused him to think: Fake it till he makes it. He can act unhappy, grumpy even, and perhaps with time, he will generally feel it, and therefore finally feel truly happy. So that was his path calling to him. He went back inside and began to play the parting role. But unbeknownst to Pat, he was always unhappy, he just showed it differently and even fooled himself. VIII Stan The Man Once upon a time, there was a time that happened once; a man called Stan had a plan to be a man. He was a man, just not a smart man. So he went out and stalked. He stalked, and stalked, and stalked. Until he grew tired of the hiding, waiting and watching. So he made a move, he went for it. He walked up to the man (did not that one coming did ya?), tapped on his shoulder and saw it bounce. “Shoulders don’t do that.” Thought Stan the man with the plan. He was right, it was a tree. He stalked a tree. IX A Woman to The West One day, in the old Wild West, there rode in a woman with flowing brown hair, and her eyes were closed. She got down from the horse and walked to the sheriff’s office as if she had been in this very town before. She hasn't. She went up to the sheriff and before a word could escape with his breath, she opened her eyes. He was literally sucked in and floated in an unknown vacuum of not even space and time. She became the new sheriff and all was fine. X Chat Before Work “People are weird.” He began, staring into his own reflection. “I mean, I’m weird… but they are more…” He stops his sentence. He puts on his shirt and walks to his door grabbing his bag on the way. He pauses. Looks back and sees his reflection who is still shirtless looking at him. He leaves. His reflection stays. The reflection sits down of the reflection of the chair that he cannot move. He waits… being glad that the chair was moved into the mirror’s reflection along with a bed. He wants to be free one day. Well… maybe. XI Dumb, Young Child One day, many moons and suns ago… there was a fairly dumb, young child, who ate a lot. This was not what made him dumb… It was what he ate that did. He ate toenails, other people’s toenails, not his own (which in itself is difficult but the former is more so). He would dig through the trash, made a collection and put it on toast. His parents knew not, since they were bad parents. Then one day, that dad had a bite of his son’s toast. He ended up in therapy; the Dad did while the son only now ate his own fingernails. XII Cat, Mouse, Dog There was a cat. There was a dog. There was a mouse. The dog ate the mouse and the cat was sad. They were friends. She thought that the dog would share. Now she must eat the dog… for revenge. But not yet. You see she does not like to eat fat things and the dog was flipping massive. So she made a plan. She cut off pieces of the dog day by day, time by time. He was so fat that he felt none. And then the dog ate the cat because she took a nap. However, he never did figure out why there was blood following him. XIII A Confession “There wasn't a man, he never existed,” She said while twisting her thumb with her hand, “You could say that I lied.” She inhaled deeply, “I believed he was there but… it was only in my eyes, so I swung and hit her… in the head, like a monster… a mad one even,” tears were beginning to make their appearance, “maybe she devised it on a sub-conscious level? Maybe the non-existent man came to save my life?” “She was cruel. Maybe her cruelty flowed into me?” Her face was still as if this was not a new thought. XIV Be Thee Art? “There is so much unnoticed detail in the every day,” He says as he stirs his coffee, watching the light brown of the sugar swirling around against that dark of the cup. “People know this and they take note, so it is no longer unnoticed. People only talk like that to sound like artistic, like I just did.” He takes a sip of his coffee and places the cup down, keeping eye contact. Wish I was.” He pauses, waiting for a reply. “How do you do it? How do you ‘Art'?” The perfume of coffee fills the air. He blinks, his reflection blinks back at him without saying a word. XV And Again He woke up for his deep sleep, blinking to the change of the light. He sat up and let his yawn escape as he steps up from his bed. He walks to the bathroom keeping in mind to not wake the other. He stares at the mirror as he brushes his teeth. He looks back to the bed and sees none there. There is a ‘click’ as the door closes and he lets out a sigh as the toothpaste drips from his mouth. “Wish I had rope and a longer sleeping pill,” he thought as he sadly makes another mark on the mirror. XVI There was a Man… “There was a man-“ “There is always ‘a man’ can’t you come up with something original?” “There was a person who wasn’t so judgemental.” “There was a writer who was somewhat original.” “Really?” “Uhhh, I guess? I mean… depends who reads… I guess.” “Now what?” "Animals? Stuff? Chairs?” “Maybe… a break?” “Not yet. Read and dream, I guess.” “You kinda suck as advice giving.” “You suck at listening… I guess?” XVII Bartender's Tale He walked in. Eyes a blazed like the anger of the sun. He took a seat by the bar and shifted his eyes side to side as if searching for someone… but not making it too obvious. I went up to him and offered him a drink since that was my job. The man nodded, lifting his finger and pointing to the beer tape. So I got to work. The dark tint of the beer slowly and gently filled the glass as the head raised to the top in a motion of white spheres. I placed the newly filled glass in front of the man who did not notice. He was looking to his right. There was a lady. She was looking at him. She had arrived moments earlier and had no drink but water. Her eyes were blue and wet like the sea. He took a sip of his beer never breaking eye contact. Slowly placing the beer down in its spot. He stood up making his way to the lady who stood up too. They were facing each other and then… the man… began to cry as she wrapped her arms around him and shushed him gently while rubbing his back. He got away from her and she wiped his eyes. He nodded and then looked at me asking for the bill. They paid cash and left. I have seen them many times since then, both together and happy. But I will never know what happened that evening before the bar. XVIII The Stage The stage is set, the actors are ready, the audience takes their seats and the house lights go down. They don't know what to expect, what to see and what to question. Their eyes transfixed on the dark in front of them, waiting. The stage lights go up inviting the scene to start. There is not a thing to see. They wait. The stage lights go down. Back to darkness. The house lights go up. The house lights go down Darkness. The stage lights go up. The audience is still transfixed while the actors relies they are in hell. XIX Pleasant Evening Walk There was a wandering pigeon who was enjoying the use of his legs and the flapping sound of the bats in the sky. He saw a cat on his path and he was not afraid for this cat was a statue. But a realistic looking one ever-the-less. So he walked towards it. He passed the cat and it purred. It does that at times since there was a gentle breeze that causes the sounds through it. But it was still a pleasant evening while the pigeon had his walk. XX All in The Moments He turned his car on to the side of the road where he could get out. There he took a deep breath letting the fresh air engulf his being. His eyes gazed around the land of nothing, as his toes wiggled in his shoes. He took a seat on the ground and he freed his feet from the hold of his shoes and socks. The soft and felt good in between his toes, he was glad that his car gave them shade so the sand was not boiling. He sat there enjoying the nothing that surrounded everything. His mind was at ease while he tilted his head up to the clear warm sky. The sun gently beamed on his closed eye lids. He let out a soft smile as a slight breezed whispered “hello”. He heard a faint noise from the booth of his car that was his cue to get going. He put on his socks, his shoes, and stood up. Taking in one last breath as he went towards the booth of his car. He opened it. Inside was his wife looking annoyed. This foreplay, role play was taking much too long for her liking. He smiled and shut the booth. The car engine exhaled and rolled on to the road. He could not stop smiling about the moment before and the moment ahead. XXI Old House, New Room The door creaks open as she looks inside the room. Her eyes a buzz with the new surroundings. She has been to this house many times before but never to this very room. She slowly walks in. Ot smells like the sky as it goes dark, and all the items have not been moved but they lack the dust of age. She knows not to touch. Her hand trembles above the items hoping to feel some kind of aura. But she is unable to. She stops. And looks up from the items to see him standing there, looking at her hand. He blinks and looks at her.