Together Forever

The Stuffy Little Room

It was a usual day at the office. Mondays normally are hectic, but today was especially difficult. Sean could not keep his focus, which was frustrating. That fine line between one’s responsibilities and loved ones often creates a struggle to find a balance. Michelle urged him to stay at home, but he’d rather keep his mind occupied. Besides, there was not much he could do. Kyle needed to recover and sitting at the hospital the whole day would accomplish absolutely nothing. He could not sleep well, so there was no use to be at home. The emptiness would drive him crazy; the quiet. Work was the better option, yet his mind was still uneasy. Not even strong coffee was proving to be of help. He thought it best to try something stronger so he had his assistant bring him a six pack of Redbulls.

It required a bit of effort reworking this week’s schedule, but at the end of the day it was done. Michelle was a great help to lighten the burden, allowing for Sean to better focus on Kyle; focus on his safety, his recovery. He finished the last email for the afternoon, grabbing a few papers, before he closed the door to his office. He swung by Michelle’s office to say good-bye, but it was empty. Informing Megan, that he’s leaving for the afternoon “if you need me…” he just waved his phone at her, making his way towards the exit.

Before driving off to the hospital he downed the last Redbull while sending Michellle a text to let her know he’s leaving the office, thanking her for her support. Sean’s mind kept racing with all the chaos that surrounded his life at this moment. The concern that circled both him and Kyle; wondering, not knowing what to do. What to think, what to feel; he drove away.

With the excitement surrounding the 2010 Soccer World Cup which had the country, no the entire world in a restless frenzy, Sean could not be bothered less by this useless s**t. He found himself wandering down a quiet street. This country was supposed to have had a make-over, one that was presentable to world, yet that was not what he saw. It was a filthy walk, with trash clinging to all that was in sight. Dead trees were wrapped in plastic bags. Half empty cups were carelessly disgarded next to an already overflowing dustbin. Papers were waving in the wind as it was smacked into the old run down buildings. This really was not an ideal part off town to be in, yet here he was. On this dead winters afternoon in July.

He did not want to go today, but Michelle pleaded with him. He did not want to do it. This was the last place; the last thing that he wanted, but now his feet were moving, slowly taking one step at a time. Drifting, wandering; searching. Searching for the address. His feet froze. He came to a halt. Looking at the small building in front off him, glancing back at the address, he sighed. It was an old building, which stood above the rest off this run down neighbourhood. It was a church. He hesitated for a moment, thinking that he was in no mood for a serman. For a moment he though off walking away; going back home, but Michelle’s face flashed before him; her voice ripped through his mind. Reluctanly he slowly walked up the stairs.

With the wonky door making a loud creeking sound as it shut behind him, he looked around to find someone who could direct him to where he had to go. A voice welcomed him from behind. Sean expected to be greeted by an old reverent, however, this was a young man. He thought it strange for someone this young to run a church. It was unfamiliar to him. Growing up as a child, the church they went to always appointed a more experienced man, not a boy. All the funerals he attended; there was an old man preaching. The few weddings was officiated by someone with hair as white as the bride’s dress itself.

He did not have to introduce himself, nor did he have to ask any questions. The young reverent immediately directed him to a small corridor which led to the room where the meeting was taking place. Upon entering this room, he felt uneasy. He felt uncomfortable and exposed as the eyes off a few figures was fixed on this new addition to their little group. Sean scanned the room and counted at least eleven people standing around, waiting. Waiting for the clock to strike to the hour, announcing the time. The young reverent also joined the group and people started to move to take a seat on the plastic chairs in the middle of this stuffy little room, as if they new the routine by now. Not knowing whether he should turn around and run out off the building or stay there, he just stood there for a second.

“Come, join us.” The Reverent politely invited him to take as seat.

Slowly he made his way to an empty chair, next to a grey haired man. Carefully he sat on this chair that seemed a bit unstable to carry anyone’s weight. The Reverent welcomed everybody and one by one they started to speak. They began to share their story with the group. Individual voices spoke; one by one their words trailed off through the air. Words that expressed their thoughts, their emotions. Sean did not pay much attention to what they were saying. He could only stare at each face; at each expression. There were those that were angry. Others were depressed. Some eyes were filled with hatered. Voices spoke with much effort, as if the life was drained from them. In each stranger he recognized exactly what he was feeling. Their emotion was his emotion. The stories did not matter, it was the feelings that brought everyone together here, today, in this dusty old room.

It was one hour which felt more like two, but he was finally back at his flat. Safely locked away from the world. Secluded in his own place; in his own mind. His phone rang, which he did not answer. He did not want to talk to anyone at the moment. He wanted to climb in under his sheets, cover his head and forget about everything around him. He wanted to drown the pain away. He wanted not to feel anymore.

It was not too long, before there was a knock on his door. Momentarily Sean thought to just ignore it, but he could not. Michelle was calling from the other side off the door. With great effort he pulled his tired body from the bed to answer.

“I was worried when you did not answer my call.” She said, entering his apartment.

“Sorry darling. The phone is on silent.” He lied to her.

“Don’t give me such a scare.” She spoke gently. “I’m worried about you.”

“I know. Sorry about that.”

“How was the meeting?” she asked, sitting on the couch. “You did go?” she asked with care.

“Yes, I was at the meeting.” He replied, sounding tired. “It was fine.”

“Did you participate?”

“No. I couldn’t. I did not feel like it.” Sean said with a sigh.

“Okay. That’s not a problem. It’s at least a start.” Michelle comforted him. “But you will go again, won’t you?”

“Uh.. uh… I…” he stuttered.

“Sweety, please promise me that you’ll go next week. I know it’s not easy and that you hate it, but please… you need to take care off yourself.” She begged him.

“I promise nothing, but I’ll at least try.”

“Allright then. Thank you.” She replied, still with concern evident in her bodylanguage. “Do you need anything?”

“I’m good, thanks. I just feel tired.” He responed, appreciative off her concern. “I would like to sleep, if that’s allright with you?”

“Off course, yes.” She said standing up, walking over to Sean, giving him a hug. “Sweety…” she spoke, looking him straight in the eyes “you call me if you need me.”

“I will.” He replied. “Thank you for checking on me.” He said, mustaring up half a smile.

“It’s a pleasure. Remember, both me and Kenny are here for you. Don’t forget that, okay?”

“It’s really appreciated.” He replied.

After she left, Sean walked over to the kitchen, taking the Vodka with him. With a few swigs burning a path down his throught, he fell onto the bed, letting his face drown in the pillow, letting out a heartfelt scream.

It has been nearly three months since his sister passed away. He could still recall like it was yesterday. Standing there, staring at the hole in the ground, her coffin slowly being lowered into the unfertile earth. He still heard the hollow sound off sand plunging down on the wood. He relived the crushing reality every day. That final end of a life once lived. Each day was a daunting torment as he tried his best to focus on his work. Getting out off bed required all the strength he could gather. He was torn. Torn between the crippeling feelings of grief and the company that he and Michelle were building. Eighteen months ago they stared their joint venture with the hope of creating a bright new future. Now, what’s left? Where’s that promise of hope today?

As he promised Michelle, he did try, even when the depression screamed not to, he attended the group session the next week. However, Sean was still silent. By the third week, he was sitting, listening, watching and he wanted to; his mind tried to speak, yet his lips did not allow for that to happen. Still he was silent. After the meeting concluded a woman rushed to catch him on the steps outside the old church.

“Excuse me.” she said, her voice sounded gentle. “Sorry” her hand gracefully reached for his arm.

Sean did not realize that she was talking to him and he was startled by the sudden touch, looking over to who it was that was attacking him. There was an expression of shock on his face. Struggling to calm his mind, convincing himself that he is not under attack, he noticed her face. She was sitting across from him a few moments ago. He could not recall her name. The story behind this strange woman is not part off his world.

“I’m so sorry for startling you.” She said with a gentle smile.

He could see that she meant well. Sean noticed a soft expression in her demeaner that put his mind at ease; relieving some of the tension. Still he was reluctant to fully relax. Talking to an unfamiliar face did not appeal to him at all. Hell, it took most of his energy to keep a conversation going with Michelle. Someone whom he trusted. Someone he knew. A familiar face.

“I apologize, for botherting you.”

Struggling to find the words, “it’s allright” he responded.

“I felt that I wanted to talk with you.” She said.

He only stared at this strange face with an expression off confusion, without a word. Silent.

“I’ve noticed you over the past two weeks. I could see the struggle, it appeared that you wanted to talk today. It’s difficult, I know and if you’d rather talk one on one, please give me a call.” She said, handing him a business card.

His arms felt heavy with grief, reaching he accepted the card, still not knowing what to think. “Thanks.” He replied.

“It helps to talk with one person. We can do it over coffee if that will put you at ease. All I ask is to think about it.”

“Allright” was the only reply he could come up with.

“Hope to see you next week.” She said walking down the stairs. “In the mean time, do look after yourself. I found that sleeping does make a different.” Looking back at him as she gave him a gentle smile once more.

Sean stood there on the steps in front of the old church for a second, his mind blank, from this strange woman who approached him. Dumbfounded by her outreach. He looked at the card, “Victoria’s Secret – Interior Decorating.” He wondered what the story behind this woman was; behind her grief. This strange woman; Victoria.

The rest of the week Sean drifted in a haze. It was a daily oucurrance since April. More than three months went by and still every day felt the same. Different routine the same feelings. His mind was foggy, his heart was heavy, he was in pain.

He found himself laying in bed on the Saturday. It was already noon, yet he had no plan to get up. There was nothing that he wanted to do, no matter if his apartment was in chaos. He could not be bothered at all. An urgent need to relieve himself finally pulled him from the bed. Reluctantly he made his way to the dirty bathroom with great effort. He still felt tired after the night. He wanted to return to the bed, his body, however, ached from laying on the bed. It was old, the mattress was worn out, poking at his ribs. Deciding to make coffee, he thought that he should perhaps check in with his mother. It’s been two weeks since they last spoke which made him feel guilty. He dropped the ball, looking after her, but how could he? How could he take care of her emotional pain, if he wasn’t able to do that for himself? Jessica was her only daughter. Now she’s all alone in their apartment with no one to care for. No one to talk to.

Looking for his phone underneath the messed up counter, he thought it good to call her. To check in and see how she’s doing. To his surpise he noticed that he had three missed calls from her. He forgot that the thing was on silent. Briefly there was tension in his stomach again. Normally when she tried to phone him this many times it meant that something has happened, which was not always a good thing. When she finally answered he could hear feint laughter in the background that calmed the tension within him a little.

“Hello dear.” She answered, he immediately noticed that her mood was lighter than when they last spoke.

“Hi mother. I saw you were trying to get in contact with me.” He replied.

“Yes” she said while speaking to someone in the room.

“Who’s there with you?” He curiosly asked.

“Oh. Your grandparents arrived last night. They’ve been asking when you are coming over? That’s why I tried to call.”

“Oh, this is a surprise.” He replied.

“So?” she started to ask “can you come over for dinner tonight?”

“Unfortunately not tonight. I have to go with Michelle to see a possible client.” He responded.

“Allright. How about lunch tomorrow?” she kept at him.

“That’s fine” he said, knowing that she’ll not let it go. “I have to go now, mother. Please send my regards.”

“I will dear. Good luck.”

“Okay, mother. Bye for now.”

“See you tomorrow. Bye”

Sean noticed that familiar tone in her voice. It’s the same voice he use when speaking with clients. A happy voice, which carefully disguised the screaming grief within. He felt bad for lying. Michelle went to Jo-burg for the weekend to see a client, visiting her brother in the process. So in all fairness it was not a complete lie. He knows that they all mean well, but he’s not in the mood for company. No, that was not it. He did not feel like plastering a fake smile on his face and pretending to enjoy it. He did not have the energy to act as if pain wasn’t squeezing the life from him. He was just not up to it.

Having a sip of coffee, he thought back to that strange woman he met on Tuesday. Searching his mind for her name. Victoria. Staring at his reflection in the cup, he felt strange. Recalling her gentle expression he thought it would be good to talk to her. Afterall she new what he felt. His mother was familiar with the pain too, but he needed someone that did not know him. He felt like talking to a stranger, only one, who could listen to his pain. Someone who could pay attention, without judgement. Removing the card from his wallet, his fingers moved over the screen, hesitantly dailing.

Waiting at the small table in the coffee shop, Sean grew anxious again. He kept asking himself if this was the right choice. If he was up to meeting new people. Did he really want to pour his heart out? He kept checking the time, secretly hoping that she’ll call to let him know that something has come up. That the entire meeting will be cancelled. Sean heard a voice that smashed that hope. There was no turning back.

“Hello.” She politely greeted him.

Sean stood from the chair “hello” he nerviously replied.

“It’s a pleasure to officcialy meet you, Sean” she said extending her hand to him. “I’m glad that you called me.”

“Nice to meet you too, Victoria.” He said, gently shaking her hand.

“Please call me Vicky.” She smiled.

Both continued with pleasantries while ordering coffee. It was a pleasant moment. She did not pressure him to talk about what he was obviously struggling with. Their conversation was light in spite of the heavy darkness that was stealing the oxygen from Sean’s lungs. He could see the pain she carried with her. Her eyes were soft, he did not feel uneasy anymore. The judgement was not present. There was not pity in her eyes. All that Sean saw was compassion. It was a warm welcome as to what he has been used to for the past few months.

Four weeks have passed since they shared that first cup off coffee. A strange feeling started to develop. Each week he looked forwad to seeing Vicky at their usual Tuesday meeting. Afterwards they went for coffee. He felt more comfortable speaking with her, than in a group. His therapist recommended group therapy. Michelle pleaded with him to go, even Kenneth urged him to attend the meetings. Sean did appreacite their concern and he did love his friends, which was like family to him, but he felt that he’s being pushed. Pushed into doing something that he did not want to. Now with Victoria it was different. He was not being pushed into anything. No. He was pulled by an alluring charm. Pulled into something new; something that offered a glimmer of hope. With Spring arriving, Sean and Vicky quit attenting the meetings, middle September that year. They’ve replaced it with a more personal thearapy. Each other.

They got together for coffee and conversation, which have turned into a regular habbit. One day a week was not enough anymore. She would visit him at his apartment or he’ll go over to her place for a glass off wine to chat. When the conversation carried into the early mornings he spent the night, especially after they’ve emptied a bottle or two. They grew closer. Their friendship blossomed, helping them both to heal from the emotional pain. Having someone to share your grief with on a more personal level did have a therapeutic effect. She shared the story off her pain, which broke his heart, but made him realise that he is not the only one who suffered. He was not alone in this excruciating feeling, motivating him to share his own story with her as well.

Her mother died when she was six years old. Brain aneurism. Leaving her dad to take care of both her and her older sister. With her father being a Policeman, it was not easy to suddenly raise two daughters on his own, which meant that her sister became like a mother to her. It was difficult on all off them. Her father took the shock very hard, drinking heavily to numb the pain. Her sister became a figure off authority, placing a severe strain on their relationship. Her father was distant and broken. It left her feeling alone.

When se was 11 her sister went off to college, leaving her with an enstranged father. Suddenly they had to communicate to one another, trying to understand the other person. There were many fights, tantrums and endless nights off crying. The next three years were hellishly difficult, but before she turned 15, her father started to change. He got married again to a lovely woman which loved him, but she felt left out. The woman was cold and distant towards her. The father that once was dead; came back to life, but not into her life. Only after highschool when she moved out of the house, their relationship started to heal. It was strange, perhaps the distance made him realise something. Vicky was reluctant, but having craved love for so long, she made an effort. They really grew close over the past five years.

Vicky’s mom had left a little money for both her and her sister. Her sister spent it all, wasting it on nonsense. Vicky on the other hand put it to good use. She used it to create a better life. After college she started her own business, which today, still carried value in town.

Vicky wanted to surprise her dad with a two week trip to Scotland in September for his birthday. The planning kept her busy for months, making sure it was going to be the best vacation. Her father’s family was originally from Scotland. He had collected a few eirlooms over the years, that he proudly displayed in a separate room behind the house. He was killed in action, February that year. A gang related hit. All her plans where rendered moot. Seeing the expression on his face when she finally told him about Scotland, was never going to happen. It ripped her life apart. The Police had their suspicions, but the law prevented them from taking any action, due to a lack of evidence. There was nothing to be done.

Vicky and Sean have found comfort in each other’s company. Sharing the pain and grief, was the foundation off their relationship. It became a good opportunity to talk, to relive events; to keep the memory alive of their loved ones. They became each other’s emotional companion. They shared both time and space, until that December.

Upon entering the room, he saw that Kyle was awake. It calmed his racing mind and soothed his heart. It was the moment he longed for the entire day; looking into those eyes. Sean walked over to the bed, carefully brushing Kyle’s cheek.

“Hi, lovey” he said. “How’re you feeling?”

Briefly shutting his still tired eyes to Sean’s touch “tired” he spoke softly “and in pain.” He said, now looking at him.

“I just wish that I could make you feel better. This should have never happened in the first place.” He said, pulling the chair closer.

“Seeing you does make a difference.” Kyle said with an expression off pain as he tried to move.

“Don’t move” Sean said “keep still. When last was the Doctor here?”

“Just before lunch time. The nurse said that he’ll be here any moment.” Kyle struggled to speak a bit.

“Did she give you the note?”

“Yes. And she said the bag is in there” his eyes shifted over to the steel cubbord. “She read the note to me.” He said with a few tears. “Thanks honey” was all words he could get out.

Gently placing his hand on top of Kyle’s wrist “always my pleasure, lovey. You are all that matters to me.” Sean replied.

“Sean…” Kyle looked at him with fear in his eyes. “Could you ask Dr. Connors when I can go home? I do not want to stay here.” He almost whispered.

“That is on my mind too.” He said, reassuring Kyle that he was planning to keep him safe. “I already spoke with Kelly. She’s prepared to assist us at home, as soon as the Doctor allows for that.”

“I cannot rest here. I’m scared.”

“Me too lovey. I’d rather have you in a safe place, where you can rest; where I know you’d be safe.” Sean comforted him. “Let me see if I can find him. I’ll be back in a moment.” He said before looking for a nurse to assist him.

He was busy in the kitchen, preparing something to eat. Having only one mouth to feed, was strange again. It’s only been four months that he and Kyle were living together, but he grew accustomed to his presense. Exchanging the life of a single existence for a relationship, had it’s complications, but it was not difficult for him to adapt. It was rather enjoyable. Taking a bite from the simple sandwich, his phone rang.

“Damit!” he thought. “Always when I’m busy with something.” He struggled to swallow before answering.

“Hello, honey.” Vicky’s voice came over the phone. She sounded tired.

“Hi darling.” He replied. “How are you?”

“I’m allright. Thank you. How’s Kyle doing?”

“He can’t get any rest, so he’s tired and in pain.” Sean said as the emotion was clear in his voice. “Dr. Connors is please with his recovery, which I do not understand. It’s frustrating, because I can only see the pain that he must endure.”

“Yes, but you must remember that it’ll take tike to recover. The Doctor is supposed to be objective.” She tried to put him at ease.

“I know. Still it’s frustrating.” He replied. “Vicky…” he could not postpone his curiousity any longer, he had to know “what happened this weekend?”

“Wha… What do you mean?” her voice tensed up.

“I know something happened, I just do not know what? Did he hit you again?” Sean asked, souning a little angy.

“Well….” She stammered.

“Vicky?! Tell me!” he wanted to know.

With everything that has happened, his patients were wearing thin.

“We had a fight on Saturday…” she spoke, her voice quivering.

“And…?”

“Yes, he did hit me again.”

Sean was angry as hell. “That f*****g bastard!” he exclaimed.

“Then….” She continued “I… I, told him that I wanted a divorce. It only made everything worse.” She started to cry a little.

“What do you mean?” Sean was worried.

“Eric hit me a few times more, which brused two off my ribs.” She cried. “Then he stormed out off the house.”

“That arrogant prick! Did you see a doctor?”

“Yes, I did when I arrived with my sister. I just grabbed a bag and left.” She said.

“Are you safe now?”

“I am. Sonja went with me to the Police, today, for a restraining order. I am going to see my attourny this week to get the process going.”

“Good, the sooner you get rid off Eric, the better.” He replied. “Do you know where he is now?”

“No, I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday night. Why do you ask?”

“Just making sure that you are staying away from him.” He replied.

“No, I’m done. I cannot take it anymore.”

“Just stay with Sonja.”

“I will. She’s coming down with me, when I return in two weeks.”

“Good, you need the support. I’m also here, but with Kyle, I have to focus on him.” Sean said with care.

“I know.” She said, thanking him for his support. “I will call you tomorrow. Sonja needs my help with something.”

“I look forward to that” Sean replied. “Keep well Vicky.”

“Same to you, honey.”

Sean was angry. He wanted to wrap his hands around Eric’s throught and sqeeze until he saw his eyes dim down. Tightening his grip around that fucker’s windpipe, watching as the life died within him. He did not want to further upset her, but now he knew what has happened. Her threat of divorce is what sent Eric over the edge. If he had only been home on Saturday when Eric arrived, he would have killed that bastard. He would not stand back for his threats. At least then Kyle did not have to suffer. Kyle would have not been beaten to a pulp.

That coward new where to strike where it hurt the most. “Beating up Kyle, to send me the message along with him that I should keep away from Vicky, was the act of a true coward!!” Sean felt a mixture of both guilt and anger rising within him. He took the plate with the barely touched sandwich on it and smashed it against an empty wall next to the sink. The sound of ceramic breaking did not calm him at all. He really wanted to, but he promised Kyle that he won’t do anything stupid. “But…” he thought for a second “if I saw him, I cannot be held responsible for what will happen.”