Love Brewed At The End

Title: Love Brewed I was used to being hidden. It started with my first-ever boyfriend in secondary school. He loved me outwardy and it reflected in the way he treated me. They say young love is the purest form of love and because of him, I beieve that. I was older than him, I was eighteen years old while he was fifteen years old. One day he helped pushed me up the stairs in my wheelchair and we became friends. Before the term ended, he proposed to me and I accepted. I felt ucky. I felt could also contribute my quota when my friends were sharing their love experiences at the dormitory. We dated happily for two terms until he started getting grumpy around me. He started shunning my company and refused to talk to me around campus. When I probed he told me, “My friends are making life uncomfortable for me because of you. They tease me. They even think you’ve bewitched me. I can’t stand it any longer. We can be friends but not lovers.” As if these struggles aren’t enough, love also brings its own problems. Able-bodied men see you and al they see is disability. They see all the things we can’t do and focus on that forgetting that there are certain things we can also do very well. At the University, there was this guy I liked so much, Josh. He was closer to me so decided to shoot my shot. He ooked at me and asked, “Can you have s*x?” I nodded. He said, “I can’t look at you and have s*x with you. My heart can’t stand it. It will feel so wrong.” I asked why and he answered, “How do Ieven start?” He visited me one day and I lured him in. told him, “If you can’t watch me, just close your eyes, I wil do everything. He didn’t close his eyes. He watched me as I took charge from the start to the end. He was shocked about what I could do. I asked him, “What’s the difference between this and what you’ve already had from able women? I may be disable in certain things but not in all things.” We started dating. He told me we should keep it a secret and I didn’t have a problem with it. To be honest with you, I started believing that it was the best thing for me to be kept a secret because that way, my man won’t be teased and pressured to leave me. I’d lost a lot of men because they were teased away. For cose to two years, I dated Josh secretly. When the two of us were together, it felt like the word was the wrong pace for us. We needed a world of our own. We would laugh, have multiple rounds of s*x, I’l cook for us and he’l later push me around in the night for us to experience the nightlife together. People started getting the hint that something might be happening between us but we always denied it. Other guys started making advances towards me. They all wanted a secret affair. I had Josh. That was OK for me. One day, out of love, I toldJosh what was happening. The men who had been trying to get me. I thought I was being frank with him but he took it differently. He thought it was my way of asking for more from him. He grew jealous anytime he saw me laughing with other guys. He knew Eric, one of my coursemates who was helping me academically. He warned me not to talk to Eric again because of jealousy. We started fighting often. One day we had a fight and he said, “God knew what he was doing when he paced you in a wheelchair. He knew you’ll be a sut if he gave you legs.” After that fight, we couldn’t come back together again. At some point, he came around giving me a lousy apology but I was broken beyond repairs. That was one thing about me. Everything about me was brittle because of my situationbrittle confidence, brittle courage, a brittle heart and a brittle sou. I bruised easily. What he told me hit the deepest core of my being. I didn’t see any way forward for us again. We moved on and later completed school. After that, I struggled with ove. I needed someone to love but the men who came into my life felt they needed to nurse me than love me. We would date for a month or two and they’ll find a flimsy reason to leave me. Deep down, they eft because of my disability but none of themwould accept it was because of that. They were ashamed of their own reasons. I met a guy on f*******: who didn’t know am disable. When I realized our conversations were getting deeper, I told him I was in a wheelchair and he didn’t believe me. He thought I was making it up just to get rid of him. I asked, “So you’ll leave me if it was true that I’m in a wheelchair?” He gave a feebe no as an answer. I sent him photos of me in my wheechair. I even sent him childhood photos of where it all started. His first word was “Wow.” “Wow, what?” I asked. Your face doesn’t look like someone in a wheelchair,” he answered. I knew we had no future but I gave him a chance when he said he loved me regardless. We met in town one day and I could sense he was forcing himself to be affectionate. His words were colourful but his facia expressions and demeanour didn’t support his words. When we parted, I didn’t call him again and he, as I expected, also didn’t call again. I tod myself, “This is it. This is where I give up on love and everything associated with it. will rather find competion in myself than look for a man to make me complete.” Within a year, I fought my parents for liberation. They didn’t want me to leave home. I had a good job. I could take care of myself but they were bent on taking care of me. I rented a place of my own and packed out of the house against their say-so. I didn’t want to be taken care of. One day, they will die and I’ll face the world all alone and it would be hard for me. I better do it while they are alive than wait. Living alone aso gave me this sense of independence that I craved. I saved money and bought myself an eectric scooter. The photos I posted on f*******: changed. I no longer posted haf a photo. I posted al of me in my beautiful eectric scooter. I was out to face the world in full because I’m also the chid of the universe. I deserve to be here just like anyone else. One day after church, posted a photo of me in my scooter and guess who came to comment? Josh. Do you remember that guy? The guy who called me a slut while in school, you remember? He said, “Coo car. Can you give me a ride?” I went through his profile and I laughed knowing it was him. We talked from there. He asked, “Are we stil fighting?” I answered, “I don’t even know you. How can I fight you?” It had been over six years since we broke up. He looked ike a mature man and spoke with regrets of our past. I kept telling him I held no grudges but he wouldn’t believe me. He said, “If it’s true that you’re not holding grudges, invite me to your place and I’ll come and see you.” I told him, “You don’t need an invite. If you want to visit, I’ll give you directions.” So one Friday evening he came around. We were both grown-ups but it didn’t feel like we outgrew our past. We aughed like we had never fought. I didn’t know I was missing him until I saw him do the things he used to do while we were in school. Before the night fel, we found ourselves in each other’s embrace. Od flames and the way they can embarrass you. While I was dressing up, I looked at my scooter that was there all along and it felt like it was talking to me. It said, “Why won’t he call you a slut. See what you just did with him.” When Josh finished dressing up, he asked me, “It means we are back together, right?” I answered, “It means nothing. Leave me alone.” He said, “I knew it. You’re still hoding grudges.” I looked downward, too embarrassed to look at his face. He called my name thrice and begged me to look at him. I did. He told me, “I’m no onger a child. There’s no reason to hide again. If you say yes, that’s it.” So I said yes. Five years down the line, here we are now as a married couple with one child. I remember when I was heavily pregnant and sitting in a wheelchair, he would be ooking at me from the corner he was sitting. I would catch his eyes looking at me but he won’t turn his eyes away. I asked what and he said, “I’ve never seen a pregnant woman in a wheechair before so alow me to look at you.” t was funny but I remember when we got married and we were not getting pregnant, he was scared I was never going to be abe to give him kids because of my situation. “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a pregnant woman in your situation before oo” He’ll tease though worried. Getting here wasn’t easy. The hurdles we have to jump, the stomps we had to trip on. Everything fought against our relationship, including his family. His senior brother doesn’t talk to me because he believes I bewitched his brother. Josh stood on his feet and said, “It’s her or no one else.”