I Don't Want to Remember but Part of Me Still Wants You

Niki sat by her bedroom window, the late evening sun shining a warm light across her messy room. It was a quiet Wednesday night, and the soft hum of the outside world filtered through the glass, wrapping around her like a gentle lullaby for her thoughts. The air was filled with the rich aroma of her half-finished coffee, steam curling up like wisps of her fading hopes. Her room felt like a safe space, filled with canvases leaning against the walls and sketches scattered across her desk. Each piece of art told a story, whispering the emotions she found hard to say. Niki enjoyed these quiet moments when the noise outside seemed to stop, giving her a chance to escape. But tonight, a heaviness settled in her chest, like a dark cloud blocking out the sun, reminding her of a past she couldn’t grasp. She glanced at the framed photos on her desk—snapshots of laughter and warmth from days long gone. One picture captured her and Axx smiling at a school festival, their faces shining with youthful joy. Another froze a carefree moment with Andres, both of them lost in laughter. There was also a photo with Zykiel and Leo, all three of them relaxing through the sunlight, united like flowers in bloom. Those memories felt like fragments of a fading dream, slipping away in the thick fog of her current reality. As she looked out the window, Niki’s thoughts drifted back to high school, a time full of innocence and possibility. She remembered the excitement of meeting Jian, his charm pulling her into a whirlwind romance that felt like a fairy tale. His attention wrapped around her like a warm blanket, but as time passed, that blanket turned into a heavy weight that suffocates her. She remembered when he raised his voice for the first time, she tried to brush it off as a bad day, but his anger became a frequent visitor, leaving her anxious and afraid. Now, as she sat by the window, those memories washed over her like a tidal wave. His piercing eyes, the way his lips twisted in anger, and the way he moved. Each of these memories makes her anxious, pulling her back to moments she wished to forget, but they lingered, haunting her with their memories. Niki thought of her friends, their laughter echoing in her mind like a forgotten song. Their presence had once brought her comfort, creating cherished memories that now felt like distant dreams. As she sipped her coffee, a question pulled at her heart: where were they now? Time had slipped away like sand through her fingers, and she felt the heaviness of loneliness. The painful memories of her relationship created a gap between her and those who cared for her. She had lost not only herself but also the feeling of belonging that she once valued.