Equilibrium

Chapter Four

I don't let go of Ezra and together we enter the council room. Everyone else is already assembled. I doubt that they have left at all. The Council is now in charge of battle plans, which cannot be easy to make without a king. I wonder how long it will be before Elias begins to take charge. As if hearing my thoughts, Elias looks up at me, sharply, but his gaze softens. He was my brother's closest friend. If I wasn’t with Daniel, Elias was. I am surprised and disappointed that he was not elected to be my pair. I would have been happier and more at ease with him. I might request the change.

"The messenger has returned, alive and well. He has brought the Chautin Assembly's reply." My mother tells me impassively. I force myself to stay as insouciant as she. I think there is a flicker of approval that passes through her, but it makes me burn with shame.

"They have agreed to meet, under a white flag, at the home of one of our mutual allies. We are to bring no weapons and arrive in three days. We leave in the morning. You will, of course, wear a disguise. The few soldiers of theirs that saw you may not recognize you if you are clothed as a lady-in-waiting. Someone else will wear the guise of you, until we have reached the Advairlian council room. No weapons permitted, but as many guards as we please. We will be taking the best." The right-hand man announces, and just like that, I have made a dent. A mark. This is a step, hopefully in the right direction.

If the Chautin want this war to end half as badly as I do, then all will be well soon. Anxiety burns through me at the thought of seeing the prince once more. His intense gaze and towering height bleed into my dreams that night and I toss and turn restlessly. There is something about him resting in my mind like a word on the tip of my tongue. That familiarity I felt towards him makes it hard for me to despise him and my tired thoughts try to formulate excuses. He wasn’t the one to kill Daniel, after all. It wasn’t even his fault that his people were there. It was mine. Had I not taken him in and he had died, they may have shown up but…

What if. What if they had not? Would Elias have been announced as my pair? He has so many duties on his shoulders now as General. They probably thought it would have been better for someone else to be it just because of that.

After hours of restlessness I give up trying to sleep and take my usual perch at the window. I hover at the edge of my thoughts so when the knock sounds at the door, I hear it.

“Enter,” I call softly. The knob turns and as if my thoughts have summoned him, Elias appears in the doorway. There are storm clouds gathered in his gray eyes and he clears his throat as he enters and gently closes the door behind him. It should make me nervous. It is an unspoken rule that I am not to be left alone in the presence of a man, but there is no one around or awake to gossip about it. The soldiers posted outside wouldn’t dare.

“I came to check on you. To see how you were doing.” He says finally, leaning against the doorframe. Neither of us are willing to cross the distance gaping between us.

“I am fine.” The response is automatic. He sighs in frustration, but he has no response for a long time.

“I know--” he starts, but stops. He begins to pace the floor, running a hand through his short hair. “I know that it isn’t easy for you. If you need anything, no matter what, just...let me know. I have your back. I’m no Daniel and I-I miss him. He was a brother to me. But you’re not alone. Okay? You’re not alone.”

And when I stand to embrace him lightly, quickly, it says more than any words ever could how much that meant to me.

The ride will take two days, so we leave the following morning. I ride in a carriage with other ladies-in-waiting, none of which I am particularly fond of. I haven't been able to spend time with any of them. They are like strangers to me. They are supposed to be my closest friends. I am supposed to rely on them and trust them, but I don't even know all of their names. I pretend to be busy reading, although I forget to turn pages occasionally. They are perfectly content to gossip and laugh without me, although once we arrive we will have to act like the best of friends. I am not sure I know how to.

When I give up my reading charade, they invite me into their conversation politely, watching me with interest, although there is a hint of pity in some eyes.

"Tell us about your Pair." One girl with frizzy red hair, Georgia, begs.

"He is very...eager. Helpful. He is charming, really. His name is Ezra." I supply, and they all start giggling. It is something I am unaccustomed to.

"He is so dreamy. And handsome." Gretta, a petite blond, sighs. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Strong." The other girl, Helena, adds, and I hide a smile.

"He is kind, I guess. I don't really know him all that well." I nearly shrug, but I catch myself at the last second. Shrugging is frowned upon. Daniel would have had a ball if I shrugged before these girls. The thought renews the ache in my chest and I remove myself from them once more, returning to reading.

We make camp as the sun sets. I lay down in a tent on the ground, covered with blankets and surrounded by pillows, but I cannot sleep. Instead, I join the soldiers by the fire with one of the other girls--Georgia. Ezra takes notice of my arrival and he sits next to me. Neither the fire nor the blanket he drapes around my shoulders can warm me.

"I know that you don't exactly trust me, but could we maybe try to be friends?" He murmurs to me, too softly for anyone else to hear. I can sense the sincerity in his words, so I nod, although I am not sure that I mean it. I don't have the energy to be friends.

I am plagued by nightmares through the night and in the early morning we are off once again. All throughout the night I listen to the restless pacing of the guards who are on duty. Twice, they rush to guard the royal tent circlet and twice I stop breathing and wait for agonizing minutes, but no attacks come.

In the late afternoon we reach the clearing where we will be escorted by the Advairlian guards to their palace. The Advairlians are very secretive and no one really knows where to go from here anyway. I wish that Genika would have had the good sense to be as withdrawn. It is a hot afternoon, despite the eminent threat of winter. I slip out of my pinchy shoes and wade through the river to keep cool, watching little minnows come and go around my toes.

An hour has passed when the Chautin arrive. I am standing in the tall grasses when they appear. The clearing is rather large so they put a good fifty yards between us, but that does not stop me from retreating closer to the Genician carriages. The other ladies-in-waiting join me and we weave together small flower tiaras and ringlets. Bracelets and necklaces. They teach me how to patiently, and I wonder if I could like any of them. They seem nice. Oblivious, but nice. We start to run out of flowers and venture out closer to the middle of the clearing. Ezra watches us like a hawk. The other guards are restless, pacing to us and back to the carriages, around in circles..

Elias is the only one who comes towards us and stays. He advances slowly, his hands in his pockets. The Chautin watch him, but I don’t dare acknowledge him. The other girls notice how tense I am, but they won’t understand. They don’t realize that the Chautin might take him as a sign of aggression.

The guards on either side are so occupied I am the first to see the dog. It moves eerily slowly, with its head erect. Its footsteps are stiff and haphazardous. It comes from the trees closest to us, walking into the river and never stopping to notice the fish. When it reaches the banks it growls at a rock and I feel shivers run down my spine.

"Girls, back to the carriages." I command lowly, and the dog turns its head to look at me, still growling. I did not realize how close it is until now, when its attention is occupied by me. The other ladies, hearing my tone, move immediately but slowly as if nothing at all could be out of place. I squint at the dog...something about it is weird...and then it hits me and I freeze. I have seen this before. It is a mad dog. Rabid. A low, ferocious growl pierces the air and Ezra shouts something.

"Emma! Don't move!" Someone else calls, a voice I do not recognize. The Chautin guards all assemble around their carriages and I freeze, motionless. I hear the guards scrambling, but we were instructed to leave all weapons behind. The most any of us could have is a butter knife. Ezra seems to realize it the same instant that I do because he moves forward, maybe in an attempt to reach me. I do not know.

But it is the wrong move. The dog breaks into a run at me, trailing drool and snarling so fiercely that it must be taller than me to produce such volume. I turn to run as well, but the long grasses tangle around my legs and I fall. I land hard on my hands--one of them scrapes against a rock and splits my skin open. I roll over as the dog lunges, raising my bloody hands to defend myself as Ezra sprints, still too far away. I wandered too far. I was so stupid.

If the dog bites me, I am as good as dead.