Equilibrium

Chapter Seventeen

Once again, we are cooped up inside the castle. Nehemiah is back to pacing and I am back to staring blankly at a book, although this time we are waiting together.

Ten minutes ago, an old man died because he drank from the wrong cup.

"I thought we were supposed to be in peace." I whisper, the words slipping out unfiltered. Nehemiah pauses. "Is it my fault that he is dead?" I ask numbly and Nehemiah's face contorts, showing a mixture of sadness and a softness I don't recognize. It makes my heart lurch.

"Emma, it is by no means your fault." He whispers, moving to sit next to me. I make room for him and when he sits I rest my head against his shoulder. He seems to lean into me as well.

"I did not think that it would be this hard. I thought that if we gave them common ground they would stop." I feel heavy.

Before Nehemiah can attempt to further reassure me, there is a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Nehemiah calls, tense, and the rider that we sent out has returned. Ezra. I am on my feet immediately, crossing the room to make sure he is okay.

"I am fine, Emmaline. They have acquiesced to our demands." He sounds completely exhausted.

"You should be resting. You are swaying on your feet-" Nehemiah lunges as Ezra stumbles, and I hook one of Ezra's arms around my shoulders. Nehemiah takes the other and we go across the hall, into one of many guest rooms available. One of the guards in the hallway outside volunteers to look after him, and I don't argue because it is nearly supper time and I promised my mother to be on time.

And she scares me nearly as much as the threat of war.

"Why are you so wary of your mother?" Nehemiah asks. He has graduated from color questions. This is a completely different level.

"She used to be soft. She used to pick roses. We would go out and plant roses, and once they hit full bloom we would cut a few and take them inside. She would tell me bedtime stories and she convinced me that fairies were real, but after the war...she changed. At first, she was incapacitated. She would not get out of bed. She hardly ever ate. She became cold...distant. Cruel, even. Then, after more people started dying, she became stone. Cool and collected. Still cruel, on occasion. Some of the things she has said, though...I can't forget them." I say more than I intended to in the beginning. Nehemiah is silent as we take the stairs and I can almost see him thinking during our meal. We head to bed in silence. He is the first to lie down and it isn’t until I am convinced he is asleep that I join him. It is how our routine is. We are not ready to go to sleep together and I am not sure we ever will be, but I give in to rest the moment his breathing evens out.

In the morning, I know that we will be leaving early. It is something that can go unsaid. Nehemiah has something up his sleeves. I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell.

But before we leave, Elias asks for me to meet him privately. I feel rather than see Nehemiah tense, so as I turn to follow Elias I take his hand and pull him with me. Elias does not react to my choice of a plus one. He does not seem upset by decision but had he been, he would not have said a word. We turn into an empty room and Elias closes the door.

“I have a suspicion about the Shakrans and it’s going to sound absolutely mad. I don’t want to talk about it here, but Emmaline should not be left alone under the care of a few certain people. I’ve got a list. Keep one of yours with her too.” He presses the list into Nehemiah’s hand. His tone is low, but urgent. Footsteps pass by the door, thundering almost as loud as my heart. Before I can ask questions or get more details, the door opens and a tired Ezra enters. Elias clams up immediately, leaving through the open doorway. The stiffness in his steps and the way his shoulders tense as he passes--only to turn and wait.

And I feel Elias’s eyes burning into my back as I turn to leave.

There was more. There was more he needed to say, and he wouldn’t in front of Ezra. The thought chills me to the bone for a very long time.