Equilibrium

Chapter Eighteen

When we reach home at Chautin, Nehemiah ushers me into our room and locks the door firmly behind him. He is still wearing his sword—it is ever present now. Wherever he goes, he has a weapon. It makes me wonder if I should do the same.

“The list is short. Five names. I’ll tell them to my guard. Jacques, James, Sebastian, Ezekiel, and Kolby.” He catches the look on my face and pauses. “What?”

“It’s probably nothing. It is nothing. It’s dumb. It’s a coincidence.” My voice sounds far away to my own ears. That name...I hadn’t heard that name in so long. “It was—I knew someone once named Ezekiel. He’s dead. It’s a coincidence I just—“ I stop and shake my head, trying to steady myself. “It’s a lot.” I finish lamely. I’m tired and sore and ready for bed. I don’t want to stay up opening old wounds. Nehemiah isn’t sure how to approach the subject. I know he has questions, but we both get ready for bed in silence. This time, when I crawl beneath the covers, he doesn’t hesitate to follow suit. He lies inches from me, close enough for me to feel the heat of his body but not close enough to actually be touching.

“He was my closest friend aside from Daniel. He went missing the day I got my scar and never turned back up.” I explain in a whisper, after I think he may have fallen asleep.

But minutes later, when I’m drifting and relaxing, his hand closes over mine and I know that he’s heard me.

Grace is sick. Nehemiah has been pacing all morning. The guards are tense and on high alert, all of them armored and ready for...what?

"Nehemiah, what is going on?" I ask, finally, when he nearly takes out a bookshelf. The libraries have become our worry zones. I found him here nearly an hour ago, but could not and have not been able to coax him out of here.

"Hmm?" Nehemiah tries, feebly, to pretend that everything is all right, but I am a queen. I know better.

"You've worn a trail in the carpet." I point out and he sighs with borderline impatience.

"I am going away for a day or two to check on my other more distant relatives." He sits next to me, jittery, with a book. He doesn't open it. It is The Art of War--not a book that Nehemiah would read. He gives me a pointed look that I don't yet interpret.

"Is Leighla going with you?" I inquire, and when he nods the pieces slowly begin to fall into place.

Art of War--he has a plan. There are other people in here, not within sight but possibly within hearing distance. He won’t tell me the plan aloud, but he won’t go anywhere else. It perplexes me.

"Yes, but trust me--you'll be safe here." He smiles, and the stillness about him ...it unnerves me a little after watching him so nervous before.

"I do." I assure him, and he gives me a confused look. "Trust you, I mean." I shrug as if it does not matter, but it is one of many boundaries--trust. It is a more important borderline, like a milestone. He is quiet for another moment, considering the words I have just said. I don't want him to say he trusts me unless he means it. I don't want him to feel obligated to tell me.

“I wasn’t expecting Grace to be staying behind.” He admits, glancing at me again. He’s worried I will take his words the wrong way, and I almost do. The palace will be nearly empty of the royal family.

"I will stay with Grace while you are gone. I will make sure she is safe." I promise, and with that, I get up and go to fulfill it.

“Emmaline, I-“ he stops me, turning me around to face him. “It’ll be odd. Not having you around. I’m not sure...I think I’m going to hate it.” He reaches forward and takes my hands, toying with them a little. “I sleep better knowing that you’re there.” His confession brings heat to my cheeks and a deeper warmth to my heart. I reach forward and wrap my arms around him, squeezing his middle.

But he does not invite me along. He leaves within the hour. Grace and I both watch him go, and at the last moment, he turns and waves at where we are perched on Grace's balcony.

"What do you want to do while we wait? We could do each others' hair." Grace offers, and she looks pale and miserable. I want to cheer her.

"How about I go get some chocolate cake from the kitchens, and then I read you a story?" I offer instead and she brightens. I grin as I open the sliding door and she jumps onto her pink bed, waiting expectantly for me to tuck her in. I pull the thinner blanket over her, because she feels too warm.

"I will be right back. What book do you want me to bring?" I ask, sitting beside her, and she pretends--exaggeratingly--to think about it.

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs!" She beams and I can't help but grin. She is so adorable.

"Alright. Stay here." I give her a stern look and she giggles.

The second I leave the room, I am flanked by two guards. I do not question it--Nehemiah probably did it for my own safety. After what Ezra warned…well. It does not mean that I do not purposely lose them in the library. I do not want them to tell on me for giving Grace chocolate cake when she is sick. I sneak down to the kitchens, which are oddly deserted, and take two very large helpings of chocolate cake. I have to return to the library, I realize--I forgot the book. I set the cake down by the landing of the stairs, because I will have to come back this way anyway and it will be easier to find the book without having my hands full. It is because my hands are not full that when I see a guard fighting with a black masked man, I have nothing to drop. Instead, when the guard notices me, he very deliberately mouths two words--Grace, and Library.

I don't have to be told twice. I turn around and take the door on the left--Grace's room. She sits up eagerly, but when she notices my expression she freezes.

"Come here, quickly." I whisper and she scrambles out of her bed, running right into me. She throws her arms around my middle, already terrified.

"We need to hide," I begin to tell her, but she pulls away from me.

"In the library. There is a secret place in the library." She whispers back and I nod.

"Do you know where it is?" I ask, hardly daring to whisper. The second she nods, we are on our way. I peek into the hall, but there is no one in sight. "Fast." I urge Grace, and then we are running. Once we pass the staircase, there are shouts that I cannot decipher, but I know that we have been spotted. I take Grace's hand and we both plunge into the maze of bookshelves together. She knows where to go, and once we reach a dead end, she unclips something and the bookcase at the end swings open.

But the latch on the inside is broken. Footsteps are pounding all around us, a thunderous sound that rivals with my racing heart. I can’t get enough air to breathe.

Only one of us can go inside and I know immediately that it will not be me.