Lost Life

Chapter 4

I knew i lost my control it was rage inside me that burst out after doctor gave me the new of my mother.

I knew i hitted something so hard that my hand was completely numb i just wanted to feel something except rage anger but there was nothing. I wanted to cry scream but not a single word was coming out of my mouth. I didn't knew what was happening around me Rose and Ric was trying to hold me back but it got out of control i was not listening to anyone.

Ric ordered doctors and nurses too get the hell out of the room and to give us some space. In the blink of an eye everyone was out except that one doctor who treated my mother and was holding a syringe to gave me so that i could relax . He was in his earlier 30's. He was standing right next to my mother stareing at me with sympathetic eyes which i hated frome the core of my heart. That look boiled my blood even more i started to see red. I was very calm and composed person.

I never get angry easily or should i say I've faced so much things that now not a single one affect me never i loss my cool and temper even when people were calling me w***e, making fun of me, just not making my life easy, when my stepdad beaten me like a maddog, when our school cheerleader Sofi pushed me in the pool in our swimming class i was terrified because it was difficult for me to swim freely in deep water and our School pool is 18ft deep. I got panicked but luckily our teacher saved me.

Nobody told him that Sofi was the one who pushed me deliberately. Everyone was laughing at me, some of them were feeling sorry because they knew me not as close as rose does but they knew me for who I'm. I got humiliated badly but still i was calm nd composed.

But not right know i was feeling something so strong not physically but mentally. It was like My mind was hammering in my head. I charged towards that doctor who was staring me i was about to grab his neck when someone grabbed me from behind i knew that was not rose becuase she don't have that much physical strength. By that i didn't mean i was over weight. in our school i was in game club i like to play scorer, and baseball.

because of every damn excessive exercise i did to keep myself in shape, i knew i was not light my height is 5'6 which is according to me is quite good.

I knew i heard the door of the room opened but never gave attention and know I was in the air and some guy was holding me. I never stopped my hand hitting that person. I was looking for Ric to save me but he seem too shocked to do anything. I felt it as soon as my hand touched that person's skin i feel something i don't know what that emotion is but it was there. I started scratching his hand so he forcefully pinned my both hands down. I knew he was the same guy from the lobby but i couldn't see his face he was holding me so tightly from behind i was feeling helpless it just hit me, the reality that there's nothing left now tears started to fall from my eyes i don't know why but that guy just holded me and never said a word he just hugged me form behind i got relief it was strange i was feeling relaxed being in his arms it consumes my mind i was completely laying on him. If he let me go i would've fall but he didn't. I was now shaking by the time i stopped crying nobody in the room said a single word everyone was silently watching us or should i say me. They were pitying me i saw that in there eyes. The doctor whom j attacked was in front of me trembling i wanted to apologise to him. That was not me. That time my anger took over me completely Anger of being useless.

I was present in that room but my mind went somewhere else all the chances that i got for me and mother when i could've taken her far from here so maybe she might be alive today ? started playing in my mind.

It was becoming difficult for me to breathe i was panicking but then those hands squeezed me gently. He was holding me firmly pressing his body behind mine to give me comfort that spark just spread throu out my body i could feel his face coming near my ear i could sense his breath.

"Just breathe" those two word left his mouth and i knew he was the same podcast man whose voice saved me that night. He again said " just close your eyes and take a deep breathe" and i did as he told me it was weird i never listened to anyone or specially situation like this where i was freaking out, that one linee and i felt that need to listen. I closed my eyes but my tears were still running my cheeks were swollen my eyes were hurting from crying my face was red. Trying to enhale my breathe he was doing the same to make me relax. I could feel his breathe tingling my ears his chin touching my shoulder it was sureal emotions that running throu me. Few more time and i got my breathing in control but never opened my eyes i new what was infront of me i was not ready to face it it was too much pain to bear.

The person behind me don't know how but he felt what i was feeling he squeezed me one more time by which i just grabbed his last 2 finger that little contact did some weird thing with me it felt good calm i thought there is someone. That little gesture shocked both of us and i instantly left his fingers and said nothing we were like this for good 2 minutes and then he said "You should be proud of your mother she must be a great woman because it clearly seems how much her daughter,You love her. Never forget that she wants you to live a happy life and for you to make her proud also, it must be difficult but it'll pass every one has to go some time but what they leave behind is the box of memories just remember the time when both of you were happy that good moments stays with us at the end of our days." I was biting my lips so hard that i split trying to control my remorse i don't want my mom to see me like this he is right she always wanted me to see happy.

He started to pull back but i hold his fingers rubbing them gently i said thankyou to which he just holded my hand frimly in his grip from behind. I new it will be the last time i would listen to him got the chance to touch him. I wanted to stop him hold him it was stupid of me to think like that. He's a complete stranger i still wanted to be with him. I controlled my emotion i knew it was wrong of me. I holded myself held my head high i don't want to make the same mistake my mother did. I never wanted a man in my life no matter how much he mean to me. I've seen my mother trembling in the corner in the dark alone weeping like a child.

I decided i never want that.

So i just let him go i felt him leaving the voice of door closing behind him. I knew he just came here out of concern and he meant to leave but still it feels weird. I was hoping that he could stay say somthing but i guess it was meant like that.

Our first and last encounter. On the worst day of my life. Where universe told me clearly that no matter what you'll plan. Everything will happen exactly the way it was written.