Killing Me Softly

Chapter 8

Krisanta's POV

One sem na lang at graduate na ako. 'Yun ang mantra ko habang nakayuko ako ngayon sa laboratory bench ng UP Diliman Biomedical Research Hospital (UP-BRH), habang tinatype ang mga resulta ng huling sample na makakatulong sa thesis ko for the last semester. Napatitig ako dito, mabuti pa ang mga enzyme, predictable, may pattern, at may logic. Hindi katulad ng mga lalaking katulad ni Liam Morales—cold, unreadable, and walking red flags. Napapikit ako. Focus, Krisanta. Hindi ito ang oras para magpaka-distracted. Huminga ako nang malalim at binalikan ang spreadsheet na nasa harap ko. Napakurapkurap ako habang nakatunganga sa titile ng thesis ko. "Identification of Molecular Biomarkers Associated with Chronic Pain Disorder: Toward Developing a Non-Invasive Diagnostic Tool" I chose this topic for one reason: nobody talks about it. Chronic Pain Disorder isn’t like other conditions. There’s no blood clot to see, no tumor to remove. Walang sugat, pero may sakit. Laging may sakit. It’s a ghost inside the body, screaming while the world tells you you’re fine. My job was to give that ghost a face. I run tests on neurotransmitter levels—Substance P, Glutamate, Norepinephrine—using blood samples from anonymized patients from PGH. Doon kami naka-partner. Ang saya sa una—parang CSI. Pero habang tumatagal, nararamdaman ko na... hindi lang siya clinical. It’s personal. Nang tignan ko ang profile ng huling sample napakunot noo ako.

Patient Case: “LX-09” Kanina pa ako tumitingin sa data ni LX-09. Mula pa noong pinadala 'yung samples niya dalawang linggo na ang nakakalipas, something about his profile draws me in.

Age: 21

Sex: Male

Condition: Chronic Pain Disorder

Notes: No visible injuries. Consistent reports of pain localized to ribs, spine, and lower back. High pain tolerance. Avoids physical contact. Emotionally flat. Tiningnan ko ang blood enzyme levels niya. Mataas ang COMT activity—isang enzyme na nauugnay sa modulation ng pain signals. May elevated Substance P, known to be a neurotransmitter associated with pain intensity and inflammation. Pero ang pinaka-nakakagulat sa lahat?

“Patient refused treatment for two weeks during flare-up. Did not report pain unless asked directly.”

Bakit kaya? Usually, mga ganitong patients based doon sa pinag aralan namin, they actually make it a point to go for treatment as scheduled--hindi nila kayang mag pretend that they can endure the pain. Probably their reasons are pride? or shame? Or maybe he’s like someone I know-wala talagang pakiramdaman--yelo. I shake my head.

"May problema ba sa sample?" tanong ng thesis adviser ko, si Dr. Mendez, habang lumapit sa station ko. Napatingin ako sa kanya at umiling.

"Medyo unusual lang po 'yung pattern sa enzyme data ni LX-09. Pero consistent pa rin naman. Overexpressed COMT, tapos may elevated Substance P—sobrang textbook case ng centralized chronic pain," sagot ko. Tumango siya at nagsalita habang tinitignan ang printout ko.

“Yeah, that one’s an interesting case. Confidential din 'yan. High-profile yata. May nag-request na huwag i-reveal ang real name, kahit sa amin.” Tumango ako, pilit pinanatiling neutral ang mukha ko. Confidential cases weren't exactly new to me. Minsan may mga anak ng politician o businessman na napapadpad sa PGH, and the hospital prefers full anonymity. I didn't press further. Hindi ko trabaho ang alamin kung sino sila. I was just here to gather data, interpret patterns, and finish my thesis.

Dr. Mendez tapped the side of the bench lightly.

"Upload the graphs for LX-09 and run correlation analysis with Group C samples. Tingnan natin kung consistent ang inflammation markers."

“Yes, doc,” mabilis kong sagot. Pagkaalis niya, muling bumalik ang tingin ko sa chart ni LX-09. May kaba sa ilalim ng ribcage ko, pero hindi ko pinansin. It’s probably just the caffeine o gutom o di kaya overexposure sa screen.

Focus, Krisanta.

Binuksan ko ang spreadsheet at sinimulang i-plot ang baseline data ni LX-09. Kahit pare-pareho ang sakit nilang lahat, si LX-09 lang ang may ganitong resilience level. Halos walang reported episodes of medication dependence. Even his cortisol rhythm was weird—blunted but stable. As if his body had learned to suppress alarm bells. As if pain had simply become part of his biology. Naalala ko tuloy ang binasa kong journal article last week—"Adaptive Numbing: Neural Rewiring in Chronic Pain Survivors." It talked about patients whose brains rewire themselves to survive the unrelenting pain, not by fighting it—but by dulling everything else on emotions, touch and reactions. Hindi ko alam kung natutuwa ako o naaawa. I clicked open the neurotransmitter chart. LX-09's dopamine level was lower than average. His norepinephrine was unusually high. It painted a strange emotional landscape: someone constantly on alert, yet emotionally flatlined.

“Parang…,” I whispered under my breath, pero hindi ko na tinuloy. This wasn’t about any one person. This was about science.

I moved on to the next step—running a simulation for potential biomarker combinations that could trigger a positive read on our prototype diagnostic tool. I had three working markers: COMT, Substance P, and a new candidate—IL-8, an interleukin that’s gaining traction in neuroimmune response research. Kung gumana ang prototype na ito, we could be looking at the future of non-invasive diagnosis for chronic pain and I could graduate with distinction.

Makalipas ang ilang oras, napatigil ako nang tumunog ang phone ko—notification lang ng Google Drive autosync. Napahawak ako sa USB na naka-plug pa rin sa laptop. This wasn’t just data. This was living evidence. Proof that what people feel but cannot prove—exists. Sinave ko ang files, pinaandar ang auto-backup, at tinanggal ang USB. Nilagay ko ito sa maliit na case, at ibinalik sa bulsa ng coat ko. A clinical detachment was necessary, I reminded myself. Walang special sa case ni LX-09. He’s just another patient, and I’m just another tired intern. But as I stood from the bench, stretching my stiff shoulders, something gnawed at the back of my head—not suspicion. Not emotion. Just a whisper of recognition, like a melody I couldn’t name. I brushed it off dahil baka pagod lang siguro. I had results to submit, a thesis to complete, and only one semester left and that was all that mattered. agkatapos ng halos dalawang oras na data encoding, nagdesisyon akong umakyat sa third floor para i-check ang logs sa archive room. Routine lang. Ilang pirma, kuha ng form, uwi. Tumawag na rin si Dr. Mendez na pauwi na siya, kaya ako na lang ang naiwan sa lab.

Napalingon ako. Nasa hallway, may nakasilip sa clear panel ng pinto—isang pamilyar na mukha na hindi ko inasahan:

Sky.

Nakakunot ang noo ko habang pinagbuksan ko siya. Hindi ko agad binuksan ang pinto. Pinanood ko muna siya, trying to decode his ever-present smile.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" tanong ko sa halip na "hi."

“Ang saya mo namang kausap,” biro niya. Naka-hoodie na naman siya, dala ang paborito niyang caramel latte, at mukhang hindi naman stress ang dahilan ng pagbisita niya.

“We were around. Nag-drop kami ng documents for our cousin sa admin office,” sagot niya, sabay lakad papasok na parang may VIP clearance. "Our?" sino naman kaya ang kasama nito.

“Dumaan na ako kanina dito kaya nakita kita tapos naisip ko—hmm, baka nandito ka pa. Ayan. Jackpot.” iyong ngiti nito parang naka jackpot talaga. Tsk.

"Teka lang, hindi ito tambayan. Research facility ito."

“I know. That’s why I brought coffee. Peace offering.” Humalukipkip ito.

“Hindi mo naman ako inaway.”

“But I figured—someone like you probably hasn’t blinked since 8 a.m. So, I’m helping your eyes.”

He placed the coffee on my desk, sat on the empty stool beside me, and looked around the lab like a curious kid in a science museum.

“Lakas makatalino ng vibe mo dito. Para kang nasa CSI episode,” natatawa niyang dagdag. Napabuntong-hininga ako at kinuha ang coffee. "You shouldn’t be here. I am about to leave"

"But I’m here anyway. Then if that's the case, let's leave together" He grinned again, like that solved everything. Saan kaya ipinaglihi ang lalaking ito, sobrang persistent, unlike doon sa kapatid na parang ang ikli ng pasensiya. Tumayo siya at tumalikod na, iyon pala pinagbuksan lang niya ako ng pinto. Yumukod pa. Tsk, dami ng baliw sa mundo!

We were still in the middle of our one-sided banter when I heard it. Maingat na mga yabag sa hallway, mabigat at pamilyar.

I looked up. I caught a glimpse of him.

Liam.

Cold, crisp at calculated ang paglalakad niyang papalapit sa amin. Dressed in all black like he was born allergic to color.

His eyes met mine for exactly one second—just one—and in that sliver of time, it felt like every molecule of air had frozen.

He didn’t stop walking. He just slowed down enough to acknowledge my presence—no emotion. Tumigil lang siya sandali sa tabi ni Sky, waring hinihintay itong magsalita. Tahimik pa rin siya. Palaging tahimik. Nakapamulsa, diretso ang tingin sa dulo ng hallway. Hindi ako sigurado kung nakita niya ako… o sadyang pinili niyang wag pansinin.

"Oh hey Liam, remember my hero? She's here!" masayang saad nit Sky dito. Napakunot noo ako, bati na ba ang mga ito? Bakit parang ok na sila, kasi magkasama na. Parang hindi ginawan ng katarantaduhan si Sky noon, ngayon parang close na dahil nagkasama pa dito. May pagka weirdo talaga itong magkapatid na ito. Siguro natagpuan na iyong box, kasi hindi naman niya ako kinukulit dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas. In fact, ngayon ko lang ulit na naman ito nakita. Hindi ko alam kung ba’t ko tiningnan si Liam muli. Marahil curious lang. Marahil... wala. But his eyes briefly flicked toward me—just for a fraction of a second. A twitch of attention, then nothing and dead calm.

"Let's go." rinig kong sabi nito sa kapatid. Naglakad na ito papalabas ng building. Ngumiti ulit sa akin si Sky at sumenyas na ininguso ang kapatid na parang may sayad kaya natawa ako.

"Sabay ka na sa amin, we will drop you off at your place" kapagkunwa'y sabi nito ng nasa labas na kami. Umiling ako.

"I have my care with me. Thanks anyway" sagot ko. Tumango naman siya at sabay pa kaming napalingon ng may bumusina ng malakas. Galing pala doon sa sasakyan na pinasukan ni Liam kanina.

" Ok, mukhang bad mood ang master, gotta go, see you around, Kris!” sabi nito at patakbo ng tinunton ang sasakyan ng kanyang kapatid.

“Yeah,” I answered, though my voice came out thinner than I expected. Grabe ang Liam na yan, parang pasan ang mundo pero wala naman itong makikita na emosyon sa mukha. Tsk, paano niya kaya pinangungunahan ang organisasyon nila kung ganyan. Hindi manlang niya ako tinapunan ng tingin o di kaya kinausap. Parang hindi ako naging bahagi ng eksenang iyon.

As if I never existed. At hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong ma-offend… o matakot.

Muli akong naglakad palabas ng building. Walang kibit-balikat. Walang drama. Pero habang tinatawid ko ang pathway pa-parking, mahigpit kong hawak ang USB sa loob ng bulsa ng coat ko. May isang taong bigla kong naiisip na hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit laging nandyan.