Reaping Me Softly

Chapter 56 - Ringless Proposal

It was good to witness their bonding, and watching him doing a good job as a child was fulfilling at some point. Alec was great inside and out... He was someone women would wish to have. He'll not just act as your sugar daddy but a man whom you could lean on, a man who will love you through all your emotional states. I wasn't sure about him, but then, I was given a chance to get to know him better and it was the best thing ever. 

Alec... I've seen his bad and good sides and frankly, I thought that maybe, once I saw his wicked side, I would have a reason to file a divorce. But one night, we argued. It was the type of argument that I'd never forget and even until now, I felt like it just happened yesterday. 

That was when I tried to leave him. Alone... In the midst of his breakdown, I tried to leave him because I, too, was broken that I didn't know how to comfort someone who felt the same way. I was too emotionally drained, I didn't have enough energy to be there for him because I have lost all of my wills to help.

I was too hopeless... I felt like everything around me didn't interest me at all. That perhaps these people that surround me were the reason why I was too depressed and given our situation added more to my depressive self.

Our marriage was something we both didn't want... And honestly, in the first year of being together, I put all the blame on him for what happened to me. For not making a way to stop the ludicrous wedding we tried to break before. I blamed him for my life became more miserable after marrying him. And that he was too selfish for letting it happen. 

I shouted and shouted at him, threw words that I knew hurt him. It was the lowest point of my life and I wanted to blame someone for making me feel discontented, and it was him that I found fit to blame. 

That night, I didn't care how he cried in front of me as I blamed him for everything. I didn't listen to his pain, all I thought about was mine, not totally giving a f uck about what he felt, and forgetting that he was forced, too, to be in our situation. 

It still surprised me how he remained calm despite my outburst. He didn't shout, or even stopped me from calling him names, or even budge when I almost stabbed him with a knife. 

That was the most regretful night... I never intended to do it. Yet even with the idea that I almost physically hurt him, he didn't get mad at me. He was too gentle as he put the knife down, then later hugged me and that was the first time that I had someone to cry my heart out, to witness me pour all the pain and an arm that lifted me up after a major breakdown. 

He was there when I needed someone the most. 

"Are you sure he'll like these flowers I bought for him?" Alec asked for the nth time. 

"He will, of course. Leighton is not picky, baby. He'll love that white flowers you grab for him."

First thing in the morning, I told him that I wanted to visit him. It has been years since I last visit my son, and I bet he misses me, too, just how much I miss him. It would be Alec's first time to see him, and I'm sort of nervous as I'll introduce this man to him.

"If the wind blows, that means he like these flowers..." he whispered and I chuckled. 

With our hands intertwined together, we walked towards his tomb. I was not surprised when I saw that it was cleaned and a new fresh flower was resting on his tomb as I knew, Alec's parents regularly visit Leighton, and sometimes, my parents come here, too. But not as regular as his parents. 

"It's windy," I pointed out. 

"Well, that means he approved it," he smiled cheekily.

We stood up in a gray-ish tomb. Carve his name, Leighton Possenti, in a clean gravestone surprisingly gave me a calm sensation. Before, I'd always cry when I saw the name I gave him, only to be carved in a crypt even without him witnessing the world. But now, as I observed my feelings, I sensed nothing but calmness.  

"How do you feel?" asked Alec when he noticed my silence.

"It's oddly peaceful inside me..." I put my palm above my chest. "I'm not in pain, Alec... It was too calm, and I felt overwhelmed by it. It was something I didn't expect to feel."

"What did you expect, then?" 

"I thought I'd cry river again... I thought I'd feel my heart shattered again. But it's the opposite..." I looked at him. "I felt like it was wrong to feel this way, Alec. My mind was telling me to mourn but my heart was against it. But I knew, I never wanted to mourn again..."

"Baby, follow what your heart wanted to feel. Sometimes it's better to follow our hearts for the sake of our emotional health," he said. "And it wasn't wrong, Lia. Time has passed, and through it, you healed with the help of yourself."

I sat on the ground and placed the flower I have for him, as well as Alec who imitated me. We stared at the stone, and I felt like crying not because of pain, but the idea that I'm here, but failed to shed a tear because of agony, somehow, brought sheer happiness to my heart. 

"Leighton..." I smiled a bit. "Is it bad that I have finally learned to accept that you're gone?"

Alec was silent beside me, intently listening as I speak. 

"It has been a long time since I felt this calmness, and it was a satisfying warmth, love..." I sniffed, trying to stop the tear from falling. "I'm happy here, love. I am genuinely happy, and wherever you are, I hope you're watching mommy, crying in glee."

I felt Alec's hands on my back, caressing and tapping it gently. 

"I knew you're happy seeing me happy... And I still wish, and will keep on wishing that there would be a time that I would feel you in my dreams, Leighton. See you, hold you... As it was something I was not able to do before. Something that I will not get tired of praying..."

I immediately wipe the tear that fell down my cheek. "Don't worry about me, love... I'm perfectly doing fine down here. But do guide me still, and smack Alec once he does something bad, okay?"

I heard him cough beside me. "Oh, please... I won't even do anything that would make your mom angry and definitely, I will not make her cry. I love her too much to bring him heartache, Leighton."

Chuckling, I took his hand. "This is Alec, baby... My husband and he's really doing a good job making me happy, and don't worry about us, baby. He's a perfect man and I couldn't really ask for more."

"Please, make the wind blows if you give me your blessing to marry your mother again. This time, it will be filled with love. The vows will be not scripted anymore, and surely, it would come from deep inside of our hearts," he was too confident. 

It was windy even earlier. So, the air just kept on blowing... And it literally took me a second for his words to sink in my mind. 

My eyes widened in surprise.

"What? M-marry me for the second time?" I stuttered as I look at him in astonishment. 

He smiled as he nodded nonstop. "Yes, baby... I want to marry you again and this time, with desires in our hearts. A marriage that will be far more than the first one... This time, it will be memorable for the both of us."

"Alec..." A tear left my eye.

This was unexpected... Marry for the second time was something I never imagine before. But now that Alec has mentioned it, am I ready to walk in the aisle again?

"Yes," I whispered. "If this is a ringless proposal, I'd say yes, baby..."