Reaping Me Softly

Chapter 59 - She Gave

I wish it was only me in the whole world who got to witness the bitterness in life.

For years, I haven't been able to feel the love and the happiness one should own with the family members. Parents are ought to give not only the physical needs of their children, but also to fill their emotional aspect.

I am the witness of the cruelness of the world. And now, why do the universe have to throw Alec down the drill?

"Ma... Mama... Ma!"

Hearing him shout in agony had me in tears. Please, can anyone take the pain away?

"Alec..." I called wearily, wanting to end all these miseries we've been experiencing since his father left.

And now...

"Please call an ambulance, Lia! Please!" he begged and with shaking hands, I fetch my phone out of my bag to dial the number.

Lord, I know there were times that I doubted You. But please, let this phase not be the time to doubt Your will again.

We've lost Alec's father just a month ago... And now...

"I'm so sorry..."

With the same exact words from one month ago, for the second time, our world shook.

"Mama..." A tear of pain started to stream down my cheeks.

When will everything ends? Why do the universe is taking everyone away from us? Why can't it let us be happy?

"Alec, baby..." I called when we were back to square one again.

It pains me to see him slowly slipping away not just from me, but away from the outside world.

He was giving me silent treatment, he stopped going outside and if ever, he'd just go and come back with drinks in his hands.

We are both lost. But I'm fighting for us, trying to understand him again. I'm in pain seeing him losing himself, and hurt for I can't see the man whom I love when everything was still fine.

It has been months since Tita died. The house feel so empty and I couldn't last living here where someone we loved lived. I wanted to go home, in Europe, where we plan to settle down.

But how? I don't know how to open it up. This place is just causing us more pain and I can't bear another wave.

We need to keep moving forward. Alec was still stuck and I understand his pain as I'm in pain, too.

However, it was again, unfair on my part.

"Alec..." I called again, feeling so hopeless.

My eyes landed on the wall clock behind him. It's already three in the morning and yet, here he is again, drinking for hours now.

"Please, stop drinking... You've been doing it for months, Alec. Let's go and have some rest, can we?"

I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally, I'm drained.

"Lia..." He stopped for a second, then drank the whole damn thing. "My parents are gone... They all died, and I don't know what to do. I lost everyone now! I'm alone..."

"Baby, you still have me..." I assured him. I sat on the stool next to him. "I won't leave you. Things were not okay now but I'll be here with you, Alec. We're in this battle together, right?"

My voice cracked.

How could he say he's alone? Every day, I never forgot to make him feel that I'm here with him. That no matter what happens, I will be there for him.

"I don't know, Lia..."

He turned his head to my direction. His eyes were bloodshot that were covered with his messy black hair. Alec looked so wasted... He can't even look at his self now.

Beard's grew that almost cover his entire jaw. He even forgot how to take a bath now but the smell don't bother me. It was a mix of everything; alcohol, cigarette, and sweats.

I just got used to it. Sometimes I just forced him to go to the bathroom so he could bath himself.

"I felt so numb... My parents has been always there for me ever since. I'm an only child, and that idea alone is already sad... No siblings to share the pain of losing our parents..." He chucked afterwards.

He poured another drink on the glass in which I took the bottle after his last pour.

"That's enough, Alec. That's enough," I tried my best to stay calm.

I wanted to burst out. He only thinks of his pain! I understand where he's coming from but what about me?!

He's not just a son nut also, a husband!

He seems to already forgot it. That he has other duty other than being a son.

We are both sweeping in pain! But between us two, why am I the only one who seems to understand everything?

Like always...

I'm not complaining. I am just hurt.

Alec totally forgot that he married me.

"Damn, Lia... If you won't drink with me, just go and sleep..."

This man was a thick face. But what amazed me was he could still talk properly. Amazed and it wasn't a good amusement.

I don't care... I just want him to sleep as he has been depriving himself from resting!

"Alec, c'mon! Let's go upstair and have a rest..."

I stood up wanting to lend my hands to help him crawl up to the stairs. Surprisingly, he didn't budge when I held his arms.

He was blabbering something only he can understand as we were on our way to our room. He was so heavy and weak but still managed to cooperate with me.

"Lia, I love you... Please don't leave me..." he whispered.

That's the last words I heard before he fell asleep in our bed.

Sighing, I prepared some things to clean him up.

The whole room was silent. I stared at his face and set aside his hair that blocked his beauty so I could see him without hindrances.

"Alec, I love you..." I uttered in a low voice before I place a long kiss on his forehead.

He groaned, while I continued to clean him up using the towel.

After it, I changed clothes to join him to bed. I raised his arm so I could it as my pillow, then lean my head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

I can only do this to him every night. If he's asleep, I sneaked to hear his heart. It sounds so calm and peaceful, unlike when he's awake, everything around him seems to annoy him.

Unlike now, he looked calm. No sign of pain was drawn on his sleeping state.

Honestly, I miss him... I miss Alec. When we lost them, I felt like I'm slowly losing Alec.

He was slipping away. From me, and from everything he once love. He stopped moving forward. Like everything doesn't matter to him now and just by the mere thought of it pains me.

I'm still here... In case he forgot, I still exist. I'm still his wife. He still has a responsibility to take over with.

As my husband, of course... If he can't find a reason to survive and get over with his pain, I will give him one.

Though I kept on reminding him that there's more life to look forward to, he can't seem to get it carve inside his mind and heart. I hated it...

He totally forgot about himself. Is it not enough reason for him to move forward? Just for himself.

"Alec, I love you so much..." I whispered again before sleep consumed me.

When morning came, I woke up without him by my side. Like as usual... I don't even know how he does it. Waking up early after a wasted night.

I showered and fixed myself before I went downstair. The whole house was oddly quiet now... Before, I could hear some utensils in the kitchen as mum cook. Meanwhile, dad reading his newspaper in the living room with his coffee.

And Alec working out at this time.

But now, everything was lifeless. I couldn't hear anything in the kitchen. It was all lonely... Its quietness felt so lonely.

It's making me cry remembering those times we have spent together.

After all, Alec's parents were the ones who accepted me regardless of my past. They treated me like their real daughter and I couldn't be more thankful.

Words aren't enough to express my gratitude. Now that they're gone, everything seems empty.

I want them back... So Alec would come back to his usual self.

I miss him so much.

I halted when I saw him through the glass wall, shirtless. He has no bottle of drinks in his hands, he was wet, and about to dive in the pool.

Hope arise inside me.

Smiling, I tried not to disturb him. Then, I remember that today is Saturday, which he usually set for his me-time, as he called. But these days, he stopped doing what he loves and now that I saw him in the pool, I kinda hope...

I went to the kitchen and cook something for breakfast. It was still seven in the morning and I assumed that he hasn't eaten anything yet.

After cooking our usual breakfast, I plan to go and called him when I saw him approaching.

Blinking, I drop the glass of water in the table.

"Hey, good morning..." I greeted, walking in his direction to meet him.

He was now wearing a different short, and holding a white towel to dry his hair. I took it away from him and offered to dry it myself even if he was inches taller than me.

My heart beat fast when I felt his arms sneaked around my waist.

"Good morning, beautiful..."

He held my wrist to lower down my arms, then him — hugging me almost had me in tears.

"Alec..." My voice cracked as I felt him hug me tighter.

I sniffed, smelling his scent. I miss this... I don't know when was the last time we hugged this tight, but I felt like it has been ages. This is what I need right now.

Alec's...

"I'm so sorry, Lia..." he whispered, dropping a kiss to my head. "I'm sorry again for I neglected you."

Shaking my head, I answered his hugs. "There's nothing to be sorry about, Alec... You didn't do anything wrong to be sorry."

"I love you, Lia. I miss you so much," he muttered.

I don't know how long we hugged each other. However, I'm wishing that time will stop for us so we could stay in the position, forever.