Reaping Me Softly

Chapter 58 - When He Cry

Life was too harsh.

Why can't everyone be happy at the same time? Why do pain comes after delight? Why do we have to live in such situation?

There were people who were lucky enough to dodge every challenge they have encountered. Some don't even make problem a problem. I envy those people who could sleep at night without thinking of tomorrow. Those people who would wake up only in the morning to go and execute their plans without even sweat, without troubles to get on their way.

Well, everybody has their own battle. I'm not in the right place to judge them by the look on their faces but it was just so unfair.

They were not to blame... I wish I had their life, too.

But then, whom will I put the blame? Is God even exist? People said that He won't give us a challenge we cannot overcome and yet, he gave this to us...

Taking people away from us. I've been living like hell and I experienced the good things in life when I had them and now, they were gone.

Only in Alec's family that I felt loved. Only them who sees me as a worthy woman and now that they were gone, I don't know where to start.

My world has collapsed once. I barely got up if it wasn't because of them. And at this time, Alec needs me.

Between us two, he was the one who's in pain. He lost his parents and I'm here to be with him no matter what.

"Alec..."

He was quiet since that day. It has been a month and things between us were silent. I can't see the man I married anymore. Smile is no longer available on his face and even I, can't think of a way to put the smile back on his lips.

What shall I do?

I didn't leave him. Every single day, I was there, silently looking after him, making him feel that he's not alone in this battle.

We just visited his father. The family decided to cremate him. Meanwhile, his mother was not getting any better, too. I felt like I need to be strong for everyone.

They were hurt... We are mourning for losing someone dear to us and the least thing I could was to stand by their side.

"Do you want to go home now?" he asked when we entered his car.

I stared at him. Even his voice was cold.

"How about you?" I fire back. "I mean, Mom is alone at the house. If you're going somewhere, we could check her first and I'll be with you."

Honestly, I'm scared to leave anyone of them. Both are not in good state... They're emotionally driven and god forbid, I hope that they won't do something that would harm them.

I can't trust Alec. Knowing him, he easily get swayed by his feelings. I've been with him for almost seven years and it was enough to know him a but.

Alec is not emotionally strong.

It took him a second to talk.

"We'll go home," he uttered slowly then, turned on the engine and started driving back home.

Sighing, I leaned on the chair and closed my eyes. I don't think I could hold the silence anymore. I understand him, alright. His pain and sorrow, I felt it, too. It was hard to lose someone you love; he lost his father, and his mother lost everything about him.

She lost a husband, a best friend, and perhaps a mentor. As well as Alec, he lost his mentor.

And I... He may not be my biological father but I lost a father, too.

Dad never looked at me the way my father-in-law did. Unlike him, he sees me as his real daughter. Like I was an angel sent from above as they were given another chance to have a daughter, as their child — Alec's wife.

I owe them a lot. It was them who accepted and loved me truly.

I opened my eyes and it went directly to Alec's hand on the steering wheel.

For the past weeks, his hands were always shaking. But now, it wasn't there.

"Your hand..." I pointed out.

"What about it?" He glanced at me.

My eyes fall back on him. "I want to hold your hands, Alec. I miss the feeling of it against my palm."

It knew it wasn't the right time. But can he blame me? I haven't had a physical interaction with him and I kind of miss the feeling of his hand.

"I'm sorry..."

My mouth gaped open. Sorry?

"About what?"

He doesn't want me to hold his hand so, he's sorry?

I smiled to hide my bitterness.

"If you don't want it, it's fine. I can still wait, you know..." I laugh a little to add to the humor.

Deep inside, I'm hurt. I'm not complaining for he forget me since father died. Like I've said, I genuinely understand it. It wasn't easy to move forward knowing the fact that the man whom he has been with since he was still in his mother's womb, die.

"It's fine," I said. "You're driving, of course. We don't want to be involve in a tragic accident, right?"

Of course, lies. He could drive with his one hand. It doesn't even bother him.

In an instant, he grab my hands which made my eyes went wide a little. The familiar warmth enveloped me and I almost tear when it goes to my heart, feeling the warmth of his palm against me.

Oh god... How I miss his touch. If only I could hug him all day, hold him like he matters above all else, I would.

I looked at him. His eyes were just fixed on the road as his hold tightened. We intertwined our fingers together as he brought our hands to rest on his lap.

I sighed in relief. It was as if the longing for a month ended in just a snap. Just his touch alone, my worries faded.

A time spent with him will always be worth it. Simple or not, still... The action made my heart jump in delight.

I love him.

I don't know when but I just woke up one morning, feeling the growing love I have for him. It wasn't because of the idea that he loves me, and definitely not due for a fact that Alec has been there with me since day one.

But just because.

If I were to ask what love is, I'd answer his name.

"I'll cook us dinner tonight. What do you want to eat?

It was just a simple invitation but it means a lot to me.

My heart is so full right now. I knew our situation isn't good, it's absolutely not the right time to celebrate for small things and yet, here I am, feeling happy because of his simple gestures.

Alec, god... I didn't realize how he brought me peace and at the same time, turn my world upside down.

I didn't realize how much I've grown with him. How this man awakened the love I thought I'd never feel again due to bad experience.

It was an accomplishment. I like me better when with him, honestly.

I thought I'd spent my marriage life with no direction at all. Slowly accepting that my dreams to be in love until my last breath will not happen due to a marriage that started with nothing at all.

In the past years, I've pictured my life the same as my parents.

Alec and I weren't even close before. He was my ex-boyfriend best friend, and his girlfriend showed me nothing but pure kindness.

We were in love with another person when we got married. I was in pain and I knew, he suffered, too. Perhaps he thought of ending what we had, nor treat me like I meant nothing and of course, I'd do the same if ever since we were not even in love with each other.

I'd thought of just being civil. We live in the same roof so, it was impossible to not bump to each other. We used and eat in the same kitchen, we shared every part in our house except our rooms, and lastly, I bear his surname.

But then, love really comes unexpectedly.

"I'll just go to the meat area," I retorted.

"I'll go with you," Alec said, pushing the cart.

I stopped for awhile then, slowly nods.

We have decided to buy groceries first. He'd cook a simple Carbonara for me as I requested and I almost jump in delight when he said yes without second thoughts.

Alec can cook, yes. Not in the professional level but his skills is enough to not bring one to the hospital because of food poisoning.

"What are your plans after tonight?" I queried as I looked for the shelves, grabbing some snacks then put it back again.

He goes out since father died. Just comes back in the middle of the night, drunk.

"Cuddles with you, maybe?" He shrugged. "I mean, I wanted to make it up for you, Lia. I knew I acted like a jerk to you in the past month."

"It's okay, Alec," I assured him. "I understand it, okay? But honestly, I hated how you just went out at night and come home drunk."

"That I'm sorry the most," he retorted. "I'm sorry..."

"Next time, just invite me and let's drink all night, so I won't stay up late worrying about you."

"Noted, Ma'am..."

Shaking my head, I grab the chocolate on the side and put it in the cart.

"We need to be fast, babe," I uttered, thinking about his mom.

We bought what we needed and never wasted a second. Once we purchase everything, we line up in the counter and drove home after.

"Let me carry those small bags," I volunteered in which he allowed.

As we walked in the hallway towards the house, I felt weak for some reason. My heart is beating so fast and I can't distinguish the emotions that kept ramming inside me.

"Wait..." My voice cracked when it just got worsen.

Alec stopped. Not because of me, but maybe he felt it, too.

"Lia, I'm nervous..." I could see the fear in his eyes.