THROUGH REGRETS AND REDEMPTION

SHIKAINA TURNER POV'S Everyone has a right to have what they desire, not because they toiled hard to obtain it, but rather because they found a means to do it. They are working on ways to obtain goods they deserve but are unable to obtain for various reasons. Although challenging, it is manageable. I might say that I haven't achieved what I deserve till now at my age because it took me a very long time to do so in my life. I'm Shikaina Turner, also known as "Shi at Kana" is the name most people refer to me by. I'm 24 years old and currently residing in Batangas... Anyway, I work as a waitress at The Brooks Club House and occasionally sing. I work to ensure our survival because I have seven younger siblings. The only living relative we have is grandma Emilia because our parents have both passed away. Our parents had a car accident, so they had to leave us early. With a small lego toy in his hand, Finn inquired, "Sister Kana, how are things?" He is our youngest sibling and is quite mischievous, yet we are really close. He is an extremely attractive and 5-year-old child. I said, "Help your brother Max." I dragged him over to Max, who was on his phone. He grumbled, "I'm doing something, sister. I might lose... Hyst! The signal is weak, oh!" He is our fourth siblings, named Max. He is a 17-year-old who is neglecting his studies because he is too preoccupied with his cellphone. I mocked him with my neck, "Do you want to get stuck there?!" I hung my sling bag and said, "Take care of that. I'm leaving." Because it is my duty hour at eight in the morning. Even if I'm a bit late, I'm confident that our manager will think of another excuse. It always is. Scarlett gestured to my wallet, which was positioned close to the television, saying, "Sister, ask me for money there. I'm leaving later." She is Scarlett, a 22-year-old woman who resembles me a lot. If she weren't a little darker than I am, some people may have thought we were twins. I carefully unzipped my wallet. The only money on my wallet is Senator Benigno Aquino Jr., and President Corazon Aquino which is placed on ₱500.00 and Philippine President Manuel A. Roxas that on ₱100.00 What kind of week can I squeeze that money into? Prior to giving my sibling the ₱100.00, I closed my eyes. Manuel A. Roxas, president of the Philippines, is gone. I'll miss my ₱100.00. HAHA These days, earning money is so difficult that spending it is something you'd rather avoid. She thanked me and went to the right room, the girls' bedroom, saying, "Thank you, sister." Since our house has only two bedrooms, I simply designated the right bedroom as the girls' bedroom and the left bedroom as the boys' bedroom. Before I put the wallet in the bag, I walked after her shouting, "Go home early." She replied, placing the cash in her cellphone case. "Yes sister." As I exited the kitchen, Chloe handed me food and said, "Eat now sister." She is Chloe, a bright 19-year-old. She has a really attractive face and complexion regardless of the makeup she wears. I walked over to her and straightened her hair tie. "Why are you eating alone?... What's your dish?" She turned to follow me and added, "Adobo sister, I believe grandma prepared it." "It's delicious," I responded while munching before taking a drink of water. I'm pleased of her for saying, "Why should I be scolded? I'm the supervisor there. Haha" "You might get scolded again." "Alright, don't get too tired. I'll s***k you." "Haha, yes sister. You too." "Alright. Go away sister, you're late. I'll do the laundry later." Axel and Hayden were sweeping when I left our yard, and Gianna was removing our neighbor's grass so she could be paid. Hayden probed the earth with his tiny tip and said, "Sister, can we plant eggplant here? We saw a crop." He is Hayden, a 13-year-old with a father-instilled enthusiasm for farming. "You can just put a barrier so the dog can't dig in." I said, which immediately made him delighted, I helped them prepare the field by asking, "Have you eaten?" Gianna, who is eight years old, the second youngest and also quite thin but a hard worker, responded, "Not yet sister." Axel, the sixth of our siblings and eleven years old, responded, "We'll just finish it sister." I shook my hand, then got up, "Alright, as long as you eat later." They all echoed. "Yes sister" before giggling. I cautiously got to my feet before turning to face my siblings. They are the folks that should not be suffering, yet they are. Being the firstborn is challenging since everyone depends on you. Even when you are unhappy, you must make them happy. Even when you are weak, you must demonstrate your strength. Life is difficult every day! Making a living is challenging! My eyes started to cry. My siblings and I will also be wealthy, so don't worry! There will come a time when you won't have to beg me for money when you go, whine about the signal, plant simply to have food, pluck weeds to pay the neighbor, or dine by yourself. I inhaled deeply before turning to face them. Everyone is quite busy at work. I long for the time we spent doing that together. I walked to the corner after leaving. I was startled to hear someone behind me ask, "Shall I take you again?" He was still riding his obnoxious Mio motorcycle, which is not attractive either. He is Jayvee Herrera, a friend from my barangay who frequently drives me around on his motorcycle and can tell if he likes me. Is it my attractiveness that prevents him from being loved? He is likewise my age and not really attractive, so he is perfect. Because he is not attractive, he is not the kind of guy that girls would confuse. Haha. "I'll just wait there for a ride." I said, pointing to the corner of our barangay. "Get on board now, you're still embarrassed about the first time you'll be riding here," the driver said. It's awful. Did it count immediately? "Sure," you say. I enquire before departing "So how many more am I riding here?". He gave me a look and tipped the motorcycle just enough for me to almost fall off. Thankfully, he promptly gave me assistance and held my arm! His face was extremely close to mine, but I could still see the worry on his expression, so I swallowed. When someone honked at our taho seller, we were already in that circumstance. The merchant playfully responded, "You're back here again? Go buy something first. You're making a movie." He is accustomed to seeing us here together. I quickly took a straight position and turned to face him. He stumbled, "You like?" He walked away to pursue the merchant after I readily nodded. Lady! The events were quite odd! Why did he shake the motorcycle while I wasn't yet sitting comfortably? He handed me the ₱20.00 taho, he had purchased each as his fingers was quivering, "Here it is." I vowed to accept it and said, "Thank you." To eat, I turned. I was still processing what had happened as I took my first mouthful, but as I continued to eat, I wondered if I should be doing this while my siblings weren't. Hyst! Every time I eat, that is the only thing I ever consider. It's tough! Even if you are enjoying your meal, you are aware that they haven't yet eaten. I handed him the half-full plastic cup of taho and said, "It's yours." I grinned at him and stroked my belly, saying, "Thank you, I'm full." I'm still somewhat peckish! I warned him, seeing that he didn't take the taho, "If you don't deliver it to me, I will consume it." He heard what I said and took the taho and ate it right away. He threw the plastic cups in the garbage and added, "I'll drop you off. You're late." I entered and smile, "All right." We departed right away. My boss and co-workers gave me the side-eye as predicted. I got here at the club at approximately 8:50 in the morning. The manager snapped, "To all late employees, we need to talk." She is Theresse Atajar, our manager here at the club. Maybe she is in her 40's because she is so naughty and brave. She also has a lot of white hair and wrinkled skin. She's still running late, it's still late, and she won't talk to anyone but me. Tss. I kept up with her until we arrived at the staircase leading to the second floor at the end of the hallway. Since nobody here can hear very well, he frequently speaks to me. "How have you been late?" I gave her a response that got her even hotter, "20 times already." I simply responded to her query. "If only you could resign, is that the proper way to work? Did I instruct you to answer?!" I bowed down and said, "I'm really sorry ma'am. I was still taking care of my siblings." I smacked her as a result of what she said, "What do I care about your siblings?! Put the problem first--" I pulled away from her in disgust, but she grabbed my hand and retracted the slap, saying, "I'd rather live with my siblings than the fake person I work with!" She smacked me hard and said, "What right do you have to slap me! No way." She slapped me hard on the other cheek and said, "I'll educated." She was yelling "Stupid!" as I was smacking her. Since I was aware that what I did was wrong, all I could do was accept it. I must respect and honor her because she is my manager and in a higher position than me if I don't want to lose my job. She hit me again and said, "Think about what you're going to do!" before walking away. I did nothing except lay on the ground, feeling the pain in my face. It's really hurtful! I must have a crimson face! She hurriedly spilled red wine on my face as I was ready to leave when she returned. Gosh! She grinned loudly, "You deserve it, dumbass!" and walked away from me. I tried not to cry while fixing my hair. Why do I need to cry? She is my manager, so if she treats me like this, I have nothing to worry about! She serves as my boss. F*ck, that woman! I don't want a job like this! I want to be able to generate money without having to observe how my employees treat one another! It ought to be fair! There shouldn't be a necessity to compromise character in order to gain wealth! Annoying! Why is this how my life is? Why am I going through this? I left and was ready to go into the women's restroom when I noticed girls staring at and making fun of me. Girl 1: "That's disgusting!" Girl 2: "Why does he appear that way?" Girls 3: "Something that suits her." Girl 4: "Yes, the wine girl, of course." Girl 5: "You're right. Perhaps she's also insane; that's why she drank the alcohol in the bathtub. Haha." Girl 6 said, "Yes. She can't be here girls. Let's close the door." They were still in a hurry and the door was shut. Tss. They are the one's that are crazy. Their mind is not empty. If I hadn't already stopped myself, I would have kicked the door. They shouldn't believe that I'm crazy! I simply walked to the guys' restroom and shut the door. I heard no weird movements, therefore there must be nobody here. I washed my face while facing the mirror. I was so irritated that I nearly broke the faucet, saying, "Life is unfair! Damn!" I paused mid-sentence when I heard a stir inside the toilet. "Why are they the only ones favored by life? Why not me? I'm also a part of life, right? I also exist! I'm living---" I heard a man questioned, "I-is there anyone there?" It was obvious that he was there because of his voice on the other end of the line. He said, "H-hello... D-do you have any wipes?" "Nothing." "Tss. That's the reason why your life is unjust, is that you despise me." He sarcastic said. Huh?! It's awful for no reason at all! My wipes is on my bag, I forgot! "I just don't have anything, so I can't be bothered!" "That's correct, Ms. Unfair" he answered, chuckling slightly. W-what? Ms. Unfair? He criticized me unfairly? That's preferable than someone telling me I'm a nasty. Tss. I hurriedly fixed my hair and walked away from him. He was calling me what she called me early and requesting for wipes, but I chose to ignore him. Because life is unjust, I must work! I don't have time to waste on pointless people. *** Written on: July 18, 19 (2023)