Insecurity

Chapter 2

Mealy POV

I wake up early before my alarm snooze. I shower, eat my breakfast alone because all of them still sleeping and prepare to go to school. My mom was the only one I saw when I leave of the house. She kissed and waved at me while I was opening the backseat of our car. Mang Juan, our driver, said good morning to me. I just smile.

I am here with my best friend we are in a conference room for our subject for today. I think you know that when you are a college student, you have a different issue every day or every two days. But we still have no professor after 15 minutes of our class time. But we still waited because we thought it was like this yesterday when our professor came after 30 minutes of class. We don't want to leave and skip our class.

"You know what, best after you left yesterday, I did sleep because I am so tired watching all the movies we watched." Sid, my best friend still sleepy.

"You didn't eat?" I ask because it is near dinner when I leave their house.

"I ate, and then I sleep," she waw

"I did also eat and sleep after because my siblings didn't go back yesterday," I said sadly because I didn't see my siblings.

"They are working, that's why, don't be mad at them," she said and looked at me with her concerned eyes. I am fortunate to have her as my best friend. She is so cute and kind.

"I am not mad at them, but I feel we don't have time together since I am a college student, busy like them. "I said

She didn't say anything because our professor came in and discussed the subject and her grading system. she is female, so I am using her.

After she talks, she asks us if we have questions or suggestions. My classmates asked, but I just listened to the discussion about it.

She said that in the next meeting, we would introduce ourselves to each other. That makes me nervous because I am not good at introducing myself to others besides my family and best friend. This is what I fear in the first week of college. I am not really good at expressing myself in words. I thought that it was only in elementary and high school that we introduced ourselves to college. We are already in adult life, so we have all topics in adult.

My best friend sees thru my face the fear of it.

"You will be fine. I will teach you," Jade said while tapping my shoulder.

We are here at the gate waiting for our ride. We are done with our three subjects for today. I am nervous about everything because in the next meeting all of my subjects we have to introduce ourselves. I am terrified of that not once but in three issues. I want to be sick and then go back in after next week.

"I can't. I think I would puke in the front when I introduce myself," I said

"No, I will help you practice. On the weekend, I'll go to your house, and we will practice, okay, mealy," she said and made a sad face because her ride was already here waiting for her.

I nodded and waved to her while she was running to her ride.

Me, I am still thinking about what will happen next week. I know it will be hell and embarrassing.

I think I have to tell my mom and dad and my siblings. I have to practice with them. I don't want to make my best friend ruin her weekend bonding with her family for me just because I am terrify introducing myself. I have to go home, but my ride is not here, so I text mang Juan.

"Mang Juan, where are you? I am already here at our gate waiting for you."

After 15 minutes, he replies

"I am there in 10 minutes, mealy."

He didn't usually late for picking me but never mind. My mind is occupied for next week.

After 15 minutes, I am here in our car.

"Did you receive a text from your parents?" mang Juan asked me while he was driving.

I am confused, but I look at my phone, and yeah, I have 5 texts and missed calls from my parents.

Mom.

I am calling you many times, sweetheart. Call me back

Dad

We are calling you, sweetheart.

What's wrong? Why are they calling me?

So I called my mom, and she answered immediately.

"Sweetheart, I have called you many times. Didn't something happen?" – Mom

I know she is worried. I want to say that I am terrified next week, but I will save that when I am at home.

"Sorry, mom, I didn't know that you all were calling me. it's something happened?" I ask because I know that it has something happened, but I can't pinpoint it.

"Yeah, do you remember aunt Melly, Keith's mom, your brother's best friend? She passed away yesterday. We just received a text from them."

I do remember her. She is also a friend of my mom. I think that's why my brother didn't come to go back yesterday because his best friend's mom died.

"Yeah, I remember it. Mom," I said

"Are you already near the house?" she said.

"Yes, mom, 5 minutes," I said

"We will talk when we arrive here, okay?"

"Okay, mom"

We said goodbye and ended the call.

When I arrived at the house, they had already packed our thing for a few days. We will be staying there for a few days before next week. Since we know that aunt Melly doesn't have many family and friends here. I think I will be absent for this remaining week. I text Jade that I am missing this week, and I am sad that I will not see her and practice my introduction with her. She said it was okay and tell to our professors that I was absent because my parents' friend had passed away. I said that I would call her when I had time.

"are ate and Kuya also going with us?" I ask my mom. We are already on the plane. I am with my mom and dad in our next chair with mang Juan. Mang Juan is coming with us because he is also a friend of aunt Melly. His wife, along with Helen, can't because she is afraid on the plane.

By the way, I am with a window since I love to look in the cloud while listening to music.

"Yeah, your brother is already there. He went yesterday after work; that's why you didn't see him."

"Your sister will go tomorrow because she has something to do first before she goes there," said my mother, who was watching a movie on the monitor in front of her.

It was like our family vacation, but it was sad because it was the funeral of aunt Melly.

I am not close with aunt melly because I just met her when I was a child, but my parents told me that I love her because she is very generous and kind. I think it is true because she is a friend of my parents who are very accommodating and kind. I love them so much.

Her child is also my brother's best friend, I don't remember him, but I know he is my brother's best friend because I can see him when they video call. They are very close, and I want to know him. My brother said that we are the same age. I think I will be friends with him also. "Let's see," I said to myself. It is only my mind because I don't want to freak my parents out that I am talking to myself. They will get mad at me because I can talk to them or my siblings if I want to speak.

It is 12 hours flight, but I am not bored because I am watching movies and talking to my parents. I didn't say the following week's event, but I will after this funeral. I want to enjoy and be with them. Also, I sleep and play games on my phone. I missed this moment. After all, we didn't do it last year because we are focused on my siblings since it is the year that they worked for our company.

We are already here in their house, a big house like ours, but it is a lonely one for me because it has no pictures hanging on the wall like us. Our home is alive because it has many images on our wall, photos as a family, and our diploma and awards from elementary. We here eating dinner in their living room with Keith and her grandparents. Aunt Melly is the only child, and Keith is the only grandchild. If you ask her husband, I don't know, but my parents said I can't ask them. I think they were separate before she died, but I will ask my brother after this vacation. I know that he knows because he is my best friend of Keith. It is quiet when we are eating. That's why Keith asks me.

"How's the flight, mealy?" asked Keith while looking at me

I was so shocked because we barely knew each other aside from his being my brother's best friend. That's all that is why I didn't answer quickly.

"Mealy, are you okay? You are experiencing jetlag?" my brother asked me with worry eye. And everyone looks at me, my parents, Keith, and his grandparents.

"I am okay. I am a bit tired," I said. Yeah, I am a bit tired because I don't have time to rest, even if we are just sitting in the place for 12 hours. Seating for 12 hours is tiring for me.

"After her class, we took already to the airport, that's why she is tired," my mother said

"You can rest after this, sweetheart," said my father

I nod and look at Keith. "Condolence," I said to Keith and to his grandparents.

They smile and then eat again.

After I finished, I already go to our room. My older sister and I are sharing a room. She is not here yet, that's why I am alone here.

I sit on the bed and get my phone in my bag. I have to call Jade. I called, but she didn't answer. I think she is already sleeping since it is already midnight there. I will call her next time. I was about to sleep when my phone rang. My best friend calling.

"Hello, did I wake you up? Sorry?" -m

"No ---" - j

"It is already midnight there, right? -m

"Yeah, but I am waiting for your call." – Jade

"Are you already there?" – Jade

I go downstairs to get water while talking to Jade because I know it will be extended when talking to her.

"Yes, and it is tranquil here, no music or talking."

"Do you meet your brother's best friend and son of your parents' friend?"

"Yes, he is kind but weird."

"Why is he weird?"

I am about to say something to Jade, but I see him in the kitchen getting her milk into his glass.

"Best, are you there?"

"Yes, I will call you back. No, you call me after your class, okay."

"You have to sleep because you have class tomorrow. Bye best"

"Okay, I'll call you in the afternoon, bye jade."

I end the call and then go to the kitchen where Keith is standing.

I have to say sorry for not answering her questions a while ago.

"Sorry," I said

He was shocked, "why are you saying sorry," he asked me

"I didn't answer your question at the dinner a while ago," I said

"No, it's okay," he said, smiling.

I just looked at him, and then he said, "you have to sleep. The funeral is at 7 am in the morning," he said

"Okay," I said, and I hugged him, and I said, "you will be fine" I was about to leave when he said that "thank you, mealy. It means a lot."

I smile and then go to my room to sleep.

I have to sleep because he said that it is 7 am. It is already 9pm. I have to sleep and rest.

Keith POV

I am smiling now because Mealy hugged me and said to me that "you will be fine" I know that I am sad because my mother has died and tomorrow is her funeral, but I can't help but smile with a small mealy gesture since she came here to our house.

I was a bit confused when I heard her talking on her phone. I think it is her best friend that I am kind but weird. I don't know why she said that, but I forgot it when she came to me and said sorry and then hugged me. She is really the opposite of her brother. I didn't say that her brother is terrible, but he is not sweet like Mealy.

I am back in my room, sharing with Kyle, her brother, and my best friend. He is already sleeping. I drink my milk and then sleep. I hope that tomorrow is not emotional like today.

We are already here at my mother's funeral. I am sitting with Kyle and mealy. I am about to speak about my mother, but I am nervous about why I have to get my emotion and be ready to share my happy and sad moments with my mother.

I don't know why I am crying, but I am here outside alone and controlling my emotions because I have to do it, the speech.

I don't know that mealy, sitting with me and giving me her handkerchief.

"You will be okay," she said

Looked at her when she spoke again.

"When I was 5 years old, my grandfather died. He died of leukemia." She was looking at me, and I was still looking at her.

"You know what? I didn't cry that day because we didn't know what was happening. We were so curious, my siblings and my cousin. We see our parents crying, so we also cry because we see them crying," she said, and then she cried.

"I understand when I become an elementary student that I can't see my grandfather anymore, and it hits me, and I cry a lot. My parents were inquisitive because suddenly I cried so loud, and then I said that I couldn't see my grandfather anymore, and they patted me on my back and said it is okay," she said and crying, but she still patted my back.

I smile while looking at her. I like that she is doing the things that her parents did to her when she cried.

"you can cry and be vulnerable because you are an adult, and you understand the dying," she said

"Can I?" I ask, and then she nods

I have let out all my emotions since my mother died. My frustration with her, my dad, my grandparents, and of course, my to tears fall on my face. Mealy hugged me and still patted my back.

"If I know this will happen, I will always be at her side. I will hug and kiss her more than I did," I said while crying.

"you don't know that. Nobody knows what time a person dies, only God." She said

I want to get mad at God, but I can't because I know that my mother will hate me, she is religious, and I don't want her to get mad at me.

Mealy let go and looked at me. You have to do the eulogy for your mother and for you, Keith," she said

I know that she is right. I want to share with everyone that my mother is the best mother I will ever have.

We enter the chapel again, and I smile while walking into my mother's tomb. I look at her, and then I smile again.

"My mother is the best mother I will ever have. I want to say that because I know, she would like to hear from me. I love you, mom. I will share one of the things why I considered her the best mother. When I was 6 years old, we had this event in our school about family. It is called family day; every family will compete from 1st to 3rd place. Since I know about events, I always ask my parents if I want to compete. I want to prove to my classmates that I have the world's best parents. I am so excited as well as my mother. I know that my father is not because he didn't talk when I was talking about the event. On the day came, I was so excited, that's why I dressed already in the morning even though the event was in the afternoon and I didn't know something was wrong that day. I was about to go downstairs because I wanted to see their reaction to my costume when I heard my mother crying and my father saying sorry while crying. He is begging her to forgive him. I know they forgive each other because it is not the first time I have witnessed this. I know they will be happy after 2 hours or 3, so I return to my room and watch tv so that I will not hear their conversation. When I glance at the clock, it is already afternoon, so I have to eat lunch, and then we will go to the events. So I go downstairs, and my mother is already wearing our costumes and preparing our lunch. I didn't see my dad, so I asked my mother where is my father, she said that he had to go to his parents because they were sick. So uncle Gary will join us if it is okay with you" "I said okay because I am so excited to go to the events even thou my father can't go. I didn't say anything since it was a valid excuse. Even though my father was absent, I still enjoyed the family day, uncle Gary was awesome, and we won the first prize. I invited my friends and classmates to my house because we had a party to win the first prize. At that party, my friends asked me how his uncle Gary was with us, not my father, and I said that because my grandmother was sick, he had to be there. My friends are confused because they remember that my grandparents on my father's side had died 2 years ago. Then my world collided that day because I knew that my grandparents had already died, but I am denial, and I didn't want to ask my mother because I didn't want her to lie again. I know that she is hurting. After that day, I didn't ask anything about my father as I did with my grandparents on my mother's side. I hate them because they didn't visit me and they hate my mother. I have three people who I hate, my grandparents and my father. My mother and I become so close that anything I do, I always consider her, her decision of who I will date or what I will do in my life. We became inseparable, but 2 days ago she left me, and I don't know if I can live without her. I love you, mom, so much, and I will miss you already."

I exit the chapel and go home. I went directly to my mother's room because I missed her so much. I rest on her bed and hug her pillow while crying when I feel it has something on it. I open it, and then I see the USB. I am confused, but I go to my room, open my laptop, and plug the USB into the USB port. Then I opened the USB and saw one video named my mother's name Melly. I click it, and then I see my mother sitting on her bed. I remember her clothes, it was her clothes when she died, probably in the morning or afternoon because she died in the evening. I don't know because I am not there in the house all day. I was doing my project at my friend's house when I received a call from the hospital that my mother had passed away. She is talking.

"Son Keith, do you remember when you were 6 years old, you won first place on the family day together with uncle Gary, I don't think I congratulated you, but I am so happy and proud of you, son. You deserved it, and I know that you will have many achievements in the future, always remember that I am proud of you, my son. I know that you want to ask me that day about your father. I know that you know that I am lying when I said that he came to his grandparents, but I didn't think that your grandparents had already passed away. I just can't think of any excuse because I am hurting when I discovered he was cheating on me last year, but I try to fix it like I did 3 years ago, when I cheated with your father. It was the day when you were born. I can't accept that I am pregnant with you, and I am with your father. My parents warned me that they would not talk to me forever if I married my father because they wanted me to do what I wanted: to go to another country to be a fashion designer, but I didn't. That's why they hate me, but I never hate them because I know I hurt them, and I want to believe that. I want you to forgive for grandparents because they never visit us. I know they love you, son, and I want you to know. And also I want you to forgive your father, we did bad things to each other, but he never tried to hate you. He is begging me that day to forgive him because he doesn't want you to have a broken family, but I can't do that. I am not the same as him when he forgave me when I cheated on him. I know I am such a bad wife and mother, but I don't think I can be with him when I know he cheated on me. So I want you to forgive him and hate me because I am the reason why he chance and I am also the reason why your grandparents didn't visit us. I am sorry, son. I know that it is not right to say everything. I did it for you because I love you so much. Thank you because I know you love me so much, but I can't take it anymore. I am broken, and I don't think I can live another day knowing that all my loved ones hate each other because of me. I hope so you can be reunited with your grandparents and your dad."

I don't know that I am crying watching that. I can't believe it.

"I am so sorry, we are so sorry," my grandparents said to me. They are here. They watch the video of their daughter.

"We don't know that she is hurting that bad that makes her do that," my grandmother said while crying, and I understood her. After all, I don't still hurt because my mother had died.

We hug, and they exit my room. I forgive them, just my mother wants to.

Then my room opened and mealy came in.

"Are you okay?" I was worried because you left after your speech. I am thankful that she is here with me.

"Honestly, I am not okay," I said, and she sat beside me on my bed. I told her about the video of my mother. She listened attentively, smiled, and made a sad face, and I found it very cute and adorable.

"do you hate him," she asked me,

"my father?" do I hate my father?

"I hated him, but now I don't think I am. I don't know," I said. I am still confused.

"what about your mother?" she asks.

I just look at her because I don't know what I will say.

"I love her, and I missed her, but I don't know if I hate her," I finally said

"what do you think I would feel? Do I have to hate her?" I asked her because I knew that she knew it.

"Keith, people, make a mistake. They don't have the intention to hurt people, especially their loved ones. I don't think your mother does it because they hurt you, your father, or your grandfather. As well as your father and grandmother." She said

I know that she is correct because I understand my mother. Now I understand my father and my grandparents.

"I don't hate her," I said and smiled. She smiles and looks at each.

Today is the day that Mealy leave with her family. We processed everything about the funeral and my mother's things these past few days. I am going to my father's next week after I prepare everything I have to do. Yeah, my father and I talked because my grandparents called him after that day. They said sorry and forgave each other. And we spoke also, and we decided to live with each other in his house. He lives alone because they were separated from her wife 2 years ago, and he lives in the same country where mealy lives. So I will be in the same country with her and my best friend, Ryle.

"See you, bro," Ryle said and hugged me.

"See you too, bro," I said, and he entered the car

"bye, Keith," mealy said

"See you, mealy," I said, and she smiled, and she followed her brother to the car to take them to the airport.

I prepared everything like my papers because I also planning to enroll there for college. I am already 3rd year. And I also want to spend more time with my grandparents, who promise they will visit me every summer at my father's house. I love it because I miss them and want them around with my father and us. I am excited to go there and spend my life with my father and me. I want to get to know her more starting next