Insecurity

Chapter 3

Mealy POV

I am in my class right now, lab group 2, so it is already Thursday. I am here sitting with Jade since we are groupmates. I survived the introduction in a week. We did that for 3 days. It is Thursday, so no more introducing ourselves to next sem. I know that you want to know what happened, it is simply my parents and siblings, and Keith helped me to survive it. They are there when I practice because they know I am bad at expressing myself to others. This is one I hate about the school, introducing myself in front of my classmates. It becomes easy because my loved ones help me thru it.

A few days earlier

"ready, sweetheart," my mom asked me while I was standing in from of them. I am laughing in my mind because of their arrangement. My father, my mother, Shenna- my sister, Ryle-my brother, Keith, and then my best friend jade. He is becoming part of the family since he is always in our house. He is really like my brother, a protective but funny guy. I don't know why I feel so comfortable with him even though we met a few days ago when I was in their house. He is still sad because of his mother, but he is happy with his father. His father was so kind and handsome even though he was nearly 50 years old, like my father. I think that's why Keith is attractive because his parents are good-looking. I didn't meet her mother, but one time he shared with her one of his favorite photos of her mother, and then I looked at it and saw her mother smiling while holding the little Keith on her lap. It is very adorable and cute, both the picture and the people on it.

"Just relax and breath 3 times," said my sister Shenna

I forgot I was in front of them because of Keith's little picture. I nod to my sister, and then I breathe three times, and then I speak.

“I am Mealianne mendozo. Or you can call me Mealy since my family and friends call me that since my name was so long for them to pronounce, but for me, it is not extended," I laugh. I was turning 19 on October 17, 2000. I am the youngest in my family, my father is a lawyer, and my mother is an accountant. Oops, I have one older brother and sister already working in our company."

Do I have to say that we have company?" I asked them

"yes, mealy, but you must be humble," Keith answered. Ryle stood up and held me on my shoulder and said, "they will know when they say your full name, so don't worry, it is okay." and then pat me on my back. "continue," he said, and then he sits again to her couch.

I continue, "their names are Ryle and Sheena Mendez. What is next?' I asked my mother

"Why did you choose your course?" my father answered.

"Oh, yeah, thanks, dads. I choose this course because numbers and I."

I bow to sign that it ends, and they clap their standing ovation.

I laugh and then smile because I am so lucky to have this family and friends who support me. I said to myself that I would be ready tomorrow. Yeah, I did good in my introduction to myself, and I think because of the people who supported me. I know it is not a big deal to everyone my age, but we have things that we consider a big deal, and this is one of my body-deal things. I don't think it is terrible because my family understands and knows about it.

"I think we don't have lab today because sir is not here," my classmates suspected.

I think we have already waited for 1 hour, but our class is 3 hours because it is a lab, so we have 2 hours more time. I know that we didn't do anything because the first Monday group informed us that they just listened to the lab's policy and the subject's content. I think, sir, give us time to be here before he is there. I am actual because he is entering the room.

He is not smiling but does not also frown. He is in the regular face. All of us are smiling because we are excited about this class. First, he calls us to see who is absent, and no one is absent. So go to discuss the content and rules of this subject.

Rule 1.

You have to be on time even though it is 3 hours and be also wants us to be perfect attendance.

Rule 2.

You have to pass the activity sheet first before you can proceed to the next activity.

Rule 3

You have to prepare the activity materials before he comes to the class.

Rule 4 (last)

Teamwork-

Then he was done and sat on his seat and talked to us casually.

My classmates asked questions about him. About his personal life and I can see that he is not comfortable because he is shifting the questions to another topic.

"you know what? Bryan is mad at me," Jade said and looked at me while I was writing something in my notebook. I am still into the person who grabbed me on my waist last 2 weeks.

"why didn't you do something bad?" I ask, still writing in my notebook.

"no, because I didn't say that I was coming to you when on the weekend," she said

I just nod and continue to write in my notebook. I don't really care about anyone right now. I am so onto his name and personality, even though I don't know him.

"what are you writing?" Jade asks me and looks at my notebook. I am not writing but scribbling some names because I want to know his name.

When I feel that someone is on my side. When I look, our professor is sitting and looking at me.

"What is your full name?" he asks me, still looking at me

I was confused, but I answered because he wanted to know my full name.

"mealianne Mendez," I said and went back to my scribble

"but we call her mealy for short," Jade said

"Where did you go to high school," he asked

I didn't answer because I thought he was asking Jade, so I continued scribbling names. But Jade signals to me that I am the one asking. I looked at sir, then I said my high school name, and he smiled.

"did you go there, sir?" I ask while looking at him, and he shakes his head. I thought he knew because he was smiling. So I go back to scribbling and feel Jade smiling, so I just mouth "what" to her. But she just smiled.

"what section?" sir asked me again. I looked at him confused, and then he said," your section in 4th-year high school?"

I look at Jade, confused, and then I answer my section. He asks for another one and another one.

Jade is just smiling and looking at sir and me.

Whenever sir asks me, I continually shift to my classmates and Jade because I am uncomfortable that he is focusing his questions on me. I sense it because he always looks at me and my notebook and asks random questions.

I didn't understand a while ago. My classmates asked him personal questions, but he didn't answer, and now he is asking me those questions, and I am not of those people who asked him. I am here minding my business.

When I didn't answer his question, he stopped, but he was still sitting on my side and sometimes looking at my notebook. After a minute, the bell rings, meaning we have finished our class for today. It is already lunch.

He stood and got his things and then said goodbye to us. We said goodbye, but I was not looking at him. I am putting my notebook in my bag. Jade said, "sir has a crush on you."

I frown at her but still put my things in my bag. Thank god, all my classmates are already left because it is very embarrassing to hear what Jade said.

"I am serious, all his attention and you and I asked him while I am asking him about the subject," Jade said while smiling.

"you want to know his answer" she is smiling.

I want to know, but I also don't want to know. "I don't want to know," I said

"he didn't answer, but he smiled," she said, and she continued, "silence means yes.'

"let's eat our lunch. I am starving," I ask her while exiting our room

"your starving because? "Jade teases me.

"stop it, and it is not appropriate what you suspect," I said, and we will go to the canteen.

"I have to go to the comfort room first but go to the canteen first and get our lunch," I said to Jade.

She nodded, and she stopped saying that sir has a crush on me, it is very impossible, I am not pretty and fair like him.

I do my business in my comfort zone and then go to the canteen, but I am looking at my phone because Keith texts me, and I am about to enter the canteen and hold the sliding door. I feel that one arm on the top of my head and open the sliding door of the canteen, and when I look at who is doing it, I see sir carl smiling, looking at me. I was shocked but said thank you, and then I entered the canteen and searched Jade. And then go to her. She is with Keith and Bryan already. I remember that Keith texted me a while ago, but I couldn't read his phone because of what happened at the door. I will keep it to myself because I don't want that Jade will have another thing to add to her speculations about sir carl.

"I already ordered your favorite, best," Jade said, and then I sat in front of Keith. Our arrangement is Keith – Bryan and then me and Jade. I smile because Jade knows me too well. She orders me a bowl of rice with egg and bacon and a soda. I don't know why I love eating lunch here, don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and she cooks well, but I am still onto my lunch right now. We are eating when Keith asks me.

"what is your last period," he asked me.

"Don't worry, I am her classmate from her last period," Bryan said, but he didn't look at Keith.

I am confused why I feel something tension between the two of them. They are not really alike but I both like them as my friends.

"best, can I go to your house on the weekend? I want to watch a movie," I said to Jade because I missed her so much since I was away last week, and we didn't catch up on the weekend because I was tired of practicing my introduction.

"Just admit that you missed me," Jade said and giggled. I just smile, and Bryan now looks at me and smiles.

I smile and look at Keith, who also looking at me, and I smile.

We finished our lunch, and Keith said goodbye, but he informed me that he would go to my house in the evening to hang out with Ryle. And Bryan also said goodbye to go to his practice, and then we will see him in our last period because we are classmates.

I didn't attend his games because we were away last week.

"Did he win?" I asked Jade, and she nods

"but he is not happy. I don't know," she said, and we went to the library to do our homework. I just congratulated him in our last period.

"best, wake up. We will be late for our class," whispered Jade because we were in the library.

I didn't know I had taken a nap, but I woke up and followed her to our rooms.

After a minute, Bryan sat with us, he sat beside Jade, and I sat beside Jade. Our professors discuss our lesson, and the bell rings after 1 hour and 30 minutes.

We walked when Daniela, our classmates, talked to Jade, so I did walk first to give them space.

"congrats, jade told me that your team won last week," I said to Bryan. He is beside me, walking.

He smiled and asked me, "Did you and Keith have something?"

I look at him and shake my head. I don't know why he asked me that, but I know he was just concerned because I am like his little sister.

"Okay," he said.

"jade said that you were not happy when you won. Did something happen?" I asked him. Like I said, I like his little sister, and he is like my other brother.

He looked at me and was about to say something, but Jade linked her hands to my arms. "No," he said

"I am so excited weekend. What movies will we watch, best?" Jade asked while she thought about what movies we would watch.

"you can choose, your expert of that," I said, and she laughed. I love that about her.

When I look to my side, Bryan is already gone to their car.

"I think we said our goodbye, goodbye best," Jade said and waved

"Goodbye, best," I said, and I waved and looked at their car, but Bryan didn't look at me, so I just entered our car, and then we went home.

I really don't know why he has been so quiet since lunch. I think something is happening. I hope that he is okay.

Sir Carl POV

I am looking at mealy while she is entering her car. She doesn't know that I am watching her because she is looking at Jade and, I think, her brothers' cars. I want to talk to her, but she will think it is weird, like when I ask her random things in class. I want to know her more, and I can do that if I ask her random things like where she graduated from high school, her sections, or many things.

I did when I entered the lab class in the morning. I saw her wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. She is so pretty, but I know she doesn't know that because she is shy. When I was discussing the rules and content of their project, she was writing and not looking at me. When I finished that, the only time she looked at me, I felt embarrassed that I wanted her to look at me all the time since she was my student. Then her classmates asked personal questions about me, they were very curious about my life and my personal life, but she was not because she didn't look at me. She was just writing in her notebook while her seatmate talked to her. I think it is her best friend jade, they are really opposite. Jade has been bubbly and talkative since the first day of our meeting, while mealy is reserved and silent. I want to get to know why and know her story. That's why I sit beside her and ask random questions about her high school. At first, she answered my questions and also asked me back. But I was asking many random questions about why. I see that she is getting confused because she was staring at me when I was waiting for her answer. Her eyes are so pretty, and I want her only to look at me, not others.

The bell rings, and I stop asking her questions and get my things, but her Jade is helping me. she asked me peculiar questions.

"do you have a crush on my best friend, sir carl? jade asked me

I look at her and pretend to be confused. "Mealy," she continues

I didn't answer, but I smiled, said goodbye, and left the room looking at me. She is preparing her things to go also, like all their classmates.

Do I have a crush on her? I asked myself, but I just smiled, I think she is pretty and unique, and I want to get to know her more in the next meeting. I think, yes, I have a crush on her.

"sir carl, join us for lunch?" Loren asked me, together with mike and bruce. They are all my co-teacher here in our department.

"no, thank you, I have to do more work in my office," I said. I have many things to do. I plan to eat in my office while doing my work so I must first buy my lunch in the canteen.

When I enter the canteen, I see Jade, my student. I think about what she asked me in class. She is with hheher hhehhhhehhehhhhhehhhhehhehhhhehhhhehhehhhhhehhhhehhehhhhehhhhehhehhhhehhhhehhehhhhhehhhhehhe. I don't know him. I think he is a transferee. But I didn't see mealy with them.

"the usual, sir," asked the cook. I just nod, and then I pay it. It is egg and bacon with rice. I love this lunch, that's why this is always what I order for my lunch.

I am about to exit the canteen when I see her about to enter the canteen. I think she is just going to her comfort zone because I also observed that the Jade table has one chair space. I guess it is mealy. I hold the sliding door so that she can enter, not open the sliding door. She feels that someone opening for her, and she looks at me, confused. I look at her and smile, and then she says thank you. I really like her eyes. I want to look at her all the time.

Yeah, I am doing it again while she is about to enter her car. I don't know why I want to look at her when she is on campus. I remember the first time I see her. It is the first day of the class, and I am sad because of what happened to my mother. She died last year, but I still missed her because I was living in our house, which reminds me of her. Her room, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, and even the bathroom. All her things are all there. My friend said I would keep all her stuff in one place so I would not see them, but I don't want to because I want to see them all the time when I wake up until I come back after long hours. Before she died, she always said that I had to find a wife because she didn't want me to be alone when she died.

"Carl, you are not getting younger, and I think it is about time that you have to find your wife." Said, my mother

"Mom, I am only 28. I have more to do it. I want to focus more on my work." "and it is not easy to find a girlfriend. What more than a wife' I said to my mother. I know she just wants someone to care for me when she is gone.

"I am just suggesting, carl. Don't be so hard on yourself to work, okay? Health is wealth," she said

This is her favorite line, but she didn't apply it to herself because she died. She has leukemia like my father, but my father died first, and then she did. I think she just missed her husband, that's why she died. They love each other so much that I want to be like that with my future wife. Now that I am already 29, I have to find my future wife so that I will have children on my own. I adored children. That's why I chose to be a teacher, but I prefer a college because I follow my father's legacy. He was a college professor at the same university I am teaching.

Mealy reminds me of my mother since my mother is also dark and has pretty eyes. I am not saying that dark is not beautiful, but I like dark more because they are beautiful and what's more if they get fair. I am like my father because he is reasonable, and I am fair skin. Mealy is gorgeous even though she is dark, and I think it is her insecurity because she is shy and not very interactive with the class. Most of her classmates are getting my attention, but she is not. She is quiet and not an attention seeker, but she gets attention because she is beautiful and straightforward. I smile when I see her because she is lovely and reminds me of my deceased mother.

I hope she will not get weird at me because I don't want her to avoid me. I think this will be a different semester because she is my student. I will try not to see my admiration for her in the class because I don't want her to get involved in something in a bad relationship. I will act as a professor and treat her as my normal relationship. Good luck to me this semester.

I have to go home and rest. After all, I know this semester will not be the same as the past semester because I don't have a crush on my last students, but now I have. She is getting to my nerve and mind right now while driving on.