All Night

Tattoos, all over your body

Lucille

After we eat in silence, I choke on my drink because he takes off his jacket, we are on the way to get some tattoos.

I choked on my drink because I saw his muscular arms and the tattoos that are covering them. Not completely but mostly. Seeing his arms made me weak. So weak that I had to press my legs together. He was looking so hot in his tight, black t-shirt without his jacket. He should take off his jacket more often. 

I haven't seen his arms before. That’s why I was so stunned and I was right. The snake is going up his arm.

I couldn't stop staring at him. He noticed that and said “You can stop staring at my arms now.” I looked into his eyes and said “Sorry.” I tried so hard to not look again but it was impossible. Especially because of the veins…

Although I didn’t sniff a line of cocaine this time, I still got horny. I have to admit that seeing him like that was really arousing. In that moment, all I wanted him to do was wrap his arms around me. I wanted to feel his arms and hands around me. Thinking about that made my legs shake. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me. And then he smirked… 

“You really can't hide it.” he said and I caught a hiccup in that exact moment. “What?” I asked, with a shaking voice, acting like I have no idea what he means. “That I make you wet.” he said with a quiet voice, leaning in…

My hiccup got even worse. I looked away and tried to hide how much I’m blushing. That was really embarrassing. I could already feel his smirk getting bigger. And then I felt his hand on my bare thigh… going up. I immediately looked at him. His big, tattooed hand was going up, under my skirt.

I grabbed his hand, with my shaking hand. His devilish smile scared me and I was afraid that I couldn't resist.

Now there's a man in front of me, with a needle in his hand. My heart is racing.

I’m terrified. I can already feel it hurting.

I look up at red hood. His arms are crossed in front of his chest and his look tells me that there’s no turning back.

I silently scream, without opening my mouth. He rolls his eyes. 

“Can I at least hold your hand?” my chin is shaking and I already know his answer. “No.” he’s totally cold.

“You're a weird couple.” the tattoo guy laughs. “We're not a couple.” he says. I swallow. “Of course we aren't.” I mumble.

“Shut up and let him do his job.” red hood says and I nod. I'm already used to him being so mean. “You look very young for a tattoo… Are you sure that you want this?” he asks and I bite my lower lip. 

Then he gives me some information about tattoos and the after care. It doesn’t sound too bad but I know the tattoo will be there forever and that makes me nervous. I nod very fast before I change my mind or before red hood shoots me.

If I change my mind he will beat the hell out of me and I'll miss the chance to do something cool but there's no going back and I'm not sure if I really want this. It's permanent.

There's one thing I forgot. I don't have the right to choose. Although he chose what I'm getting, I kinda like it and that's why I'm confused. I never thought about a tattoo. I knew mom and dad wouldn't allow me to get one and I thought it would make people ugly and disgusting. I was wrong about it like about many other things. 

If my parents would find out about this they would probably freak out or jump out of the window or something else and that’s actually one of the reasons why I want to do it.

I want to do something. Something that makes me not perfect, something that changes how people see me. Something that they would never expect from me and that changes the image of me.

“Good, then let's begin.” he says and I hold my breath.

“Ouch.” we’re walking towards his car. My thigh is burning and stings with every step. The tattoo is pretty big and it looks amazing but it hurts like hell. It’s bleeding a little bit but the foil on it stops it from flowing down my whole leg.

I even cried during the whole process and we had to take a little break so I could calm down and that b***h didn't even care. Red hood. He even left for a couple of minutes. I really don't understand what he's doing and why he's doing what he's doing but it's hurting and pissing me off.

“How am I supposed to 'work' now?” I ask and he clenches his fists. “Lucille you didn't die. It'll heal fast and I changed plans. We're heading back to the club.” he says and I nod, although I’m hypnotized by the way he says my name. It sounds so much more beautiful, coming out of his mouth. My name was perfectly made for his voice and so was hic voice for my name. He doesn’t say it often but when he does, I appreciate it.

“If you say so.” I add, hoping he changed plans remembering my thigh. I'm really sensitive and I think he knows that.

We drive back to the club and when we enter he says “I'll introduce you to the girls.” my confused looks meet his eyes. He sounds serious and a little mad. I don’t know why he is pissed again but I don’t care. 

We walk past the poles, towards a dressing room. I swallow down my words when we enter and see girls. More like women because they look way older than me. They seem to be getting ready for the show tonight. It’s obvious and I’ve already seen some of them on the stage.

I knew I would have to get to know them and I would have to do what they are doing. Sooner or later it was going to happen. I wouldn’t always be so lucky to be outside with red hood. Knowing that I have to do this now makes me appreciate the time I spent with red hood outside. It’s way better than stripping down for the money that I can earn by robbing old men.

“Listen hoes!” he says loudly, as if he has a team of football players in front of him. I wince because I didn’t expect him to be so loud. 

They all look at him and I swear I can already feel my palms sweating. He's about to throw me into a pool with piranhas. I can feel it.

I wish I could get smaller or just run away from here but I can't and my muscles aren't moving. I feel him looking at me so I look at him as well. 

“Lucille is your new member.” he says and my heart sinks.

He’s frowning like always and he's looking at me like I've done something really bad and have to deal with the consequences now.

Maybe I did and I'm not aware of it. Lately I'm not aware of anything and I'm questioning every single s**t, although I'm trying my best to just let it be.

“So she's the little girl that's been with you these past days.” one of them says. I look at him. He clenches his jaw and his fists.

“She's here because of Pablo. Not because of me.” what a f*****g liar. It’s not true. Only partly. He brought me here. It's not like he knew me before or Pablo knew me before and planned this all the time. That's impossible because I don't have anything to do with these kind of people and it’s annoying that he always has to explain that he has no relationship with me.

“Show her what she has to do. Get ready for tonight.” he continues and my jaw drops. Tonight? That fast? I can't do that. Not me. I'm not a stripper and I don't know anything about it. I don’t know how to use a pole to dance or how to dance around it.

He looks at me again.

“Not you. Not tonight.” he says and I feel some kind of relief but my anxiety is still there and makes me panic. I don't want to throw up right in front of them all and embarrass myself from the first minute on but I really feel close to throwing up.

“How old are you, little girl? You look so young!” a woman with big curly hair asks. She’s smiling. Her smile is beautiful and her black skin looks flawless. She looks even older than the other ones. 

“Sixteen.” red hood answers for me, before I can even open my mouth. I hear the other ones making sounds like ‚Aww'.

She walks towards me and I try to smile. I don't want to seem like a shy, terrified chicken, although that’s exactly what I am. 

“I'm Giselle.” she says showing her white teeth and reaching her hand out. I shake it and nod, smiling, acting like I'm totally happy to be here and get to know them. She seems nice but I don’t want to be here.

She has long, red nails that are really pretty and clean. She has some tattoos as well. It feels nice to not be alone with that.

“Giselle is the mother of this team.” red hood explains with a wide smile that makes me weak. I’ve never seen him smile like this. His smile is so beautiful… He must like Giselle. Otherwise he wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to smile for her. 

I can't help but smile when she rolls her eyes at him and I notice how he doesn’t get mad at her. That kinda makes me sad. He only gets mad at me when I do it.

But I like the atmosphere that’s in this room. Everyone seems nice.

“Son, you making me feel old. I'm only thirty-seven.” she says and I have to giggle. Especially because she called him son. It’s good to know what state their relationship is on. 

“Good, you heartbreaker now leave us alone. We'll handle this.” she says, gently putting her hands on my shoulders. Her hands are warm. It feels good to be touched like this. I missed a caring touch…

I look at him and he looks serious again. I hate how his mood changes negatively whenever it’s my turn to interact with him.

“Be nice to her. If you upset, hurt or scare her I'll f*****g kill you.” he says and if looks could kill, we’d all be dead by now. My eyes widen. What did he just say? Why would he say something like this? I know he needs to take care of me and make sure that I stay alive but he doesn’t need to threaten them like this. I’m sure that I’m safer here than I am out there in these streets.

He turns around and leaves, while I'm still trying to understand what he said. I'm really confused. I already feel uncomfortable because he's leaving but I'm screaming on the inside because of what he said.

I knew he cares.

He must care.

If he wouldn't, he wouldn't have said that and it’s not only because of his job. Would he really kill them if they would do any of the things he said? Would he do that for me? 

I feel the heat in my cheeks and lower my gaze so they don’t see my smile. I need to calm down and stop jumping into conclusions. I don't want to believe in something that's not real. No feelings. I need to remind myself before I forget it.

Toni

I don't feel well with getting her into this. I know she has to do this because she's here for this but I think we're better with the other jobs. We’re doing better out there. She’s doing better out there. 

These four falls will kill her. They’ll change her more than she has already changed. They’ll suffocate all the positivity she has left inside her.

I need to talk to Pablo about this. We have enough girls and she doesn't need to do this. She's too young and innocent for this. She’s not ready to present herself like this out there or get touched by dirty douchebags.

I have no explanation for my thoughts and the things I want but I just can't help it...

Lucille

After a little smalltalk and getting to know each other, I don't feel as uncomfortable as before. They are very kind and funny. Especially Giselle. She really tries her best to make me feel comfortable and I appreciate that. She tells me how she started here and that it’s not easy but that she’s always there if I need someone and knowing that I have a contact person now makes me feel a lot better and less lost. Especially because she’s a female.

There's only one of them that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think her name is Beverly. She doesn't seem to like me.

She's giving me death stares all the time and whenever I say something, she rolls her eyes or says something that makes me feel bad. I try to not mind her because not everybody has to like me.

Then they tell me about what they are doing in detail and that it's pretty easy but my heart already dropped once and I can’t pick it up again. I know this 'job' is not only about dancing around a pole. There’s more behind it…

The things they have to do are really disgusting and I'm sure I can never do that. It’s impossible. Drugs, robberies, tattoos. Fine. But this is crossing a line I never knew I had. 

I can't please a random male who picks me, sleep with someone for money or get naked in front of a stranger or let someone touch me at all. Or worse. These thoughts make my stomach ache.

They’re really nice and they're comfortable with this but I can't do this. I respect what they do but I don't want to do this. I don't want to sell my body. I want to be me. I want to stay clean and innocent. I want to stay raw and untouched but I'm already dirty. Sometimes I forget about that, as if the past days have never happened. 

I know I wanted to work and I'm acting like a p***y again but this is really crossing the line…