All Night

The greatest

“What did you say? Repeat that, princess.” he says and now his lips are so close to mine that I can breathe in his breath like oxygen. He’s my new oxygen and I’m not even aware of that.

But he makes me even angrier. Even if he's way taller and even older than me, I'm sure I won't be able to hold myself back for too long. I won’t be able to hit him but I’ll show him that I’m not weak.

“I'm not a f*****g princess.” I say and feel how my scalp is burning. My head is standing in flames. “Wait... Did you curse? I couldn't hear it.” he’s challenging me and he’s about to win. I lose my patience and scream “I’m not a f*****g princess! I’m neither weak nor a coward! Looking at what I’ve done in the past two days, I’m braver than you!” at the top of my lungs and try to catch my breath. He triggered me and I had to get it off my chest. I feel better now but seeing him looking even angrier than before makes me want to rip his head off. He has no right to be angry at all

Suddenly he hits his fist against the wall behind me, next to my head and I gasp. I hold my breath because his fist is less than an inch away from my head.

First of all, I'm sure he wanted to hit me and that’s already enough to run away from him. Second: didn't that hurt? It's a cold, brick wall. He gets even closer now. His body is pressed against mine. I start breathing again so I can breathe the air he gives me. 

He looks at me. At my lips…

“That's what I want. I want you to scream and show me the lion that’s sleeping inside you... stop being a pussy.” his voice is quiet and raspy.

I start breathing faster than I should and feel my heartbeat everywhere on my body. I'm sure he can feel that. The tears on my face dry.

He hits his other fist against the wall, on the other side but not as hard as earlier. I’m standing between his arms. Between his body and the wall.

“f**k, if capo wouldn't have told me to not hurt you, I would choke you until you turn purple and beat the f**k out of you.” he says while his chest goes up and down very fast. Is he as excited as me? 

I try to let his words sink and not look at his soft lips while I do that.

What he said says a lot. He’s rarely honest about his thoughts and when he is, it’s always something harsh and deep. 

He already hurt me.

Why does he want to be so violent? And why do I want to kiss him right now? Why do I want him to choke me and beat the f**k out of me? Why do I want him to do everything to me that goes through his mind? How dare I even think about it… How dare I think that I could like any of this?

I guess I'm just as crazy as him or I'm losing my mind.

This makes me nervous… The thought of me, feeling something for him, makes me sick.

“You would hurt me?” I ask, trying to think of something else than him picking me up, pressing me against the wall and kissing me.

I don't know anything about him.. I don't even know his name, his age or anything else about him. I only know that he has problems with controlling his anger and that he can be confusing and surprising sometimes... and extremely attractive.

“Yeah… really badly.” does he have a fetish for something like that? I look into his eyes and for the first time I'm amazed by darkness…

Toni

Why do I want to kiss her? Why do I want to hurt her so bad? Why can't I keep a distance between us? Why is it so hard for me to not look into her eyes without feeling like this?

I could do whatever I want with her but I'm not going to do this because I can't let capo down. I can't do this and use her for my own…

I'm only doing my job and I hate that I have to remind myself of this. 

Now she's a little closer to the person I want her to be. That means I have to push her a little more to make her perfect. To turn her into what I want her to be. I slowly back off, even though it’s very hard for me to do that.

I take out two tiny bags of cocaine, that I hid in my jacket earlier. Her eyes widen. I love it when that happens.

Toni

“Show me how brave you are.” he says. I swallow and wait for him to say something. He's serious. He wants me to do this and he’s awful for wanting to poison me. 

I've never done drugs. I wish he would’ve kissed me instead of doing this. No matter how much it would've made everything worse.

I can't do that. I remember the things he said like five minutes ago but I can't destroy my body. Yet I need to show him that I'll take risks and that I'm the opposite of everything that he said.

He smirks and we walk to the car. I don't want to do this but I guess it's a part of this all. I’ll do it sooner or later anyway. I'm curious and I want to prove him wrong. I know what I'm doing is wrong and that I don't need to prove him s**t but I want this. Even if I'm going to regret it.

The white powder looks like a cut on the black bonnet of the car. I give him a death stare. He's still smirking. “I'll show you how to do it...” he says, noticing that I don’t know what to do first and I get nervous. I shouldn’t do it. I should change my mind and step back but I can’t.

I watch him sniffing a line in and my heart stops. This is real. I’ve seen this in movies and shows many times but it’s so different in reality. Can I do this? It looks so easy but I know what it does to people and I need to control myself. I'm not going to be one of these who can't live without it. I’m going to do it only once and never again…

He's looking at me like he knows that I'm going to take a step back. I hate that he's still thinking that I'm weak. The devil is literally telling me to do it and leave it behind me. I won’t back out

He made it look so easy. Of course I can do it. 

I give him a death stare and do the same as him. Did he really think I couldn't do it? I just did it and he looks impressed.

I don't know how I’m feeling right now. I'm proud that I was brave enough to take this step but at the same time I’m disappointed with the choice I made because it’s clearly something I’ll regret. It’s something bad. Something I shouldn’t be proud of. I used to be proud of myself for good grades and learning new skills…

I'm truly doing everything he says. I’m ready to sin for him. He looks at me and says “Good girl.” he looks proud...

One hour later we're sitting in the club. It’s full again. I can understand why they're making so much money. I can't even imagine how many clubs they have. Loud music and girls dancing everywhere, men making money rain over them, other men doing drugs in a corner… there’s so much going on here.

Red hood is sitting in front of me again. We're sitting on the same table as yesterday. His hair is a little wet. Well, I'm sweating as well. It's really hot in here.

My legs are shaking under the table and he's tapping his fingers on the table. I look at him. When he catches me looking at him, I look away…

Toni

She's shaking. Breathing a little faster than normally. Her eyes are big and she looks nervous. I know exactly how she feels because I feel the same but I'm used to it. That means I can control it and she's better than earlier now.

A while after she sniffed it in, she was so euphoric and excited. She had no reason but the drug did its magic. She even danced in the car, with the music that's been playing. She said “This s**t makes everything so much better.” not even knowing what she’s talking about.

While my heart was racing all the time I just kept watching her. She was smiling all the time until she screamed that she feels amazing. I wanted to laugh but I didn't. I knew I need to take care of her before she would try to do something stupid. She felt like she’s on top of the world and she can do anything. Now this feeling is fading slowly and I love how she keeps biting her lip and looking at me until I catch her staring. She's so hot, if my head wouldn't be spinning right now, I would do things to her... Bad things.

Lucille

My whole body is shaking. The adrenaline in my blood makes it impossible to stand still. Earlier I felt this amazing feeling. I felt like I could take the whole world. I was fearless, ready for everything, positive, full of energy, confident and great. Now I feel this type of way… My body feels this type of way…

I know it will fade soon but I need to calm down. I don't know if I like this feeling. I bite my finger and close my eyes. I want it to stop.

Then I feel his leg gently hitting mine. He must've noticed how much I'm shaking and that I’m not feeling well. What's going on with me?

“Are you okay?” he asks. He's actually asking how I am. Is this really happening or am I dying and he's afraid because he can't let me die? At least it feels like I’m dying. I think my body can’t take this.

Well I can't just sit here and not do anything and since he asked me, I need to take the opportunity and answer him..

I shake my head very fast and say “I'm horny and I don’t feel good...” that makes him grin. I cover my face with my hands because I’m embarrassed. “Ooofff.” this is so humiliating. I shouldn't have said that. 

He tells the pretty waitress to get us two water bottles. When she hands us the bottles I almost finish it in three seconds and spill the rest on myself. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could crawl out of my own skin and just peel it off.

This makes me crazy. How can someone not want to feel like this all the time? It feels amazing but tiring at the same time. 

He looks at me. 

“Need help?” he asks. I bite my lip. “With what?” I ask like I don't know it and realize that my legs and hands start shaking again. He rolls his eyes. “How can you be so calm?” I ask still breathing heavily and wet.

It's making me nervous that he's so relaxed and I’m acting like a junkie. 

“I'm used to it and how do you know I am?” he says, shrugging. I’m not surprised that he’s doing this constantly. I know everyones body is reacting different to it but if he's feeling the same as me right now then he's really good in hiding it.

“I don't feel good and I need to pee…” I say and he lets his head fall back. We stand up together and walk through the crowd towards the restroom.

Toni

While I'm leaned against the door outside, waiting for her, my phone rings. It's Pablo… I answer. “How is it going, son? How is she?” he asks. He sounds happy. I rub my neck.

“Uh, everything is fine. She's… Okay. I gave her come coke.” I answer. I know she’s not doing good and she’s probably throwing up her soul in that restroom but he doesn’t need to know that. “Good idea. Now she's one of us!” he laughs. I nod, even though he can’t see it.

“Take care of her. The first time is always hard. Especially for people with small bodies like hers.” he says. “I will.” I say and look at the ground. I truly feel like a babysitter.

“Bring her here tomorrow so I can talk to her.” he says. I know how uncomfortable she feels around him but I don't have another choice.

“Sure.” I say and he hangs up.