All Night

Harvard angels come back home

Toni

“You actually came…“ she sounds happy and surprised. I don't know, if I can believe her and if she’s really honest because it’s rare to see her so happy about seeing me.

She slowly smiles and I walk towards them, while he turns around like he's in a dramatic movie. This scene needs some music and a dark filter, that would make him look even more dramatic because without, it just looks ridiculous and stupid. He’s frowning and I don’t know what he’s so serious for.

We could be those type of brothers who are on good terms. Who hug each other but we’re not those type of siblings. We never do that and we never will. Honestly, if he would touch me I would burn myself.

I clench my jaw even harder and raise my chin a little. I furrow my eyebrows and look down at him.

He looks shocked. I'm not going to welcome him. The air is really tense right now and either we're going to fight now or say something that will hurt the other one or mom. I could also take the kitchen knife and stab him but I'll save that for later.

Grayson

I am totally shocked. I’m confused and surprised.

I can't even recognize him. He changed so much in two years. I haven't seen him for so long that I’m doubting him right now. This can’t be my brother. Everybody changes but he literally changed his whole body.

He has tattoos. He got taller and he has wide shoulders. He also has scars and scratches and he died his hair. Even his eyes got darker. I’m asking myself where these scars are coming from and how many hours he spent in the gym but I already have my answers. I knew he would never be able to do normal things that would not get him in danger. I don’t even want to imagine what turned him into what he is right now. He looks like a criminal. The perfect prototype for a criminal. We can’t share the same blood.

I'm should be disappointed but I didn't expect anything else from him. It was obvious that he would turn out like this. I slowly shake my head and laugh.

He looks so angry. He looks bad. Really bad. Like there are no emotions or soul left in him. I could swear that he doesn’t even have a brain left to think, yet he looks dangerous that I could bet he will take a gun out and shoot me. Any second. I don't even know him. He doesn't belong to this family. Especially because he reminds me so much of dad...

I walk towards him. I did not miss him a bit. We would be doing so much better without him. He's always destroying and ruining everything. Even his mood and his aura is like a dark cloud that arrives faster than him and rains on everything that’s beautiful.

I mean look at this. We were laughing only a few seconds ago and now the air is tensing and mom already looks uncomfortable. He looks like he's going to fight me. He’s always trying to cause trouble.

I'm not going to mess this up and upset mom even more. I'm not like him.

“Hello… Brother.” I say, with my best fake smile. He doesn't even try to smile.

“Hello… Grayson.” even his voice got deeper and rougher. What the hell happened to him? I’m embarrassed to be related to him.

“Not even a little welcome?” mom asks, already annoyed and sad. It makes me angry that he makes her feel like this because he has no right to.

I raise a brow. “He's not welcome.” he says and shakes his head. I feel like laughing but I don’t. “And you are?” I ask and he gives me a death stare…

Toni

He's backfiring really fast but I'm faster. “I don't need to be because I never really left.” that's true. I'm stuck here and he can leave and come back whenever he wants. He saved himself. Just like mom said. He doesn’t even know how lucky he is. Probably because he’s taking it for granted.

He takes a step towards me and so do I.

“At least I don't disappoint my mom and am a criminal bastard.” he says and I take another step towards him. It’s unbelievably thy he’s the one who uses this word.

“But you're a Harvard p***y, who would suck d**k for a good degree.” I say and if this wouldn't be serious I would laugh my ass off.

He gets closer and there are only inches left between us. He clenches his jaw. I made him angry. I like that. I love messing with him. He can't say anything about me because he barely knows me or what I'm doing.

I know he's afraid of me. He knows I'm not the eight year young boy anymore, who was silently sitting in a corner, all alone, while he was happy on mommy’s lap... He knows that I don't give a f**k about him or his feelings or anything else. That scares him. I know that.

“Look at you, what's that red streak of hair? Looks really stupid.” he says, totally disgusted. I got him. He can't make a better comeback than me. He's too offended and wounded. I can already imagine how his brain is fighting for new ideas to drag me down.

“Shut the f**k up, you don't even know what it stands for. Look at yourself instead and the flour on your hands. If I wouldn't know you, I'd believe you're a girl.” I say, softly pushing him away and he wants to push me as well but mom grabs his arm.

I smirk. “Enough. You are acting like children! You weren't like this, even when you were younger!” she says. She's always protecting him. If we fight, she holds him back and protects him, although I get hurt as well. That's the problem.

I'm a good person. At least I'm trying to be one. I'm getting softer and start feeling things but these both make me be bad again. They make me want to throw away all the prepress I made. These both get the real devil out of me. They get me back to who I actually am, although I don't want to be like this anymore and then it takes me another hundred years to get my good side back.

That's why I hate them the most..

I haven't felt these evil feelings and thoughts for a while now and I hate how they bring me out of my concept so fast.

“You and the way you talk is disgusting. Wash your mouth.” he says and I give him a dirty laugh, shaking my head. He furrows his eyebrows again and I keep smirking.

Maybe I even miss being like this. It actually feels so good. Being a disgusting douchebag who makes people hate him is great. This is so much easier than trying to make people love me. Now I'm confuse again. Do I want love or do I want power?

I sit down on a chair and watch them.

“Grayson, honey sit down. There's not much to do. I'll handle the rest.” she says stroking his arm. That b***h. He didn't even do anything.

She be acting like he ran a marathon or carried tons of sacks of flour on his shoulders and he’s already looking like he's so exhausted, tired and pissed. I'm disappointed. But what did I expect? What can I expect from such a soft, milky baby like him, who’s being called 'honey' from his mother? Nothing.

“At least let me set the table.l he says and I run my hand over my face. I think I'm going to lose my mind even before we get to eat. I'm not even sure, if I can eat what he made or touched.

Who knows what poison he added to kill me. ‘At least let me set the table.’? As if it's such a big deal to put three plates and glasses and other stuff on a damn table. As if she's going to love him forever, if he does that. Like he's doing something that's not natural. Like he's doing this once a year. f*****g i***t.

I roll my eyes and when he's done, he sits down across from me, while mom fills the plates. He's staring at me.

That bastard, why is he staring at me? Doesn't he have something else to stare at? Or can't get enough of me?

“Can't get enough of me, huh?” I ask, with a huge smirk and re rolls his eyes. “Toni, could you try to behave like a normal human being for once?” mom asks, when she sits down and I shake my head.

During the dinner they keep talking about how beautiful and amazing Grayson's life is and how much he has to tell. He's talking so much that my head starts aching. He’s like a female. I can’t stand it. I could smack him so hard that his mouth ends up on the back of his head. He's pissing me off so much, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to behave well but it’s not working.

I take a deep breath and try to start thinking about something else. I start to think about Lucille. A little smile places my lips.

I love how shy and nervous she still is. No matter how close we get and how much I try to make her feel more comfortable, she's still so shy and quiet. She's always polite and respectful. At least most of the time. She's trying her best with that. I love the moments when she just opens up and talks like a waterfall. Honestly, she's the only one that I love listening to. I love how happy she gets when she eats something and how she almost falls asleep with her head on the counter sometimes, when she's working too much.

I love it when she gets horny but does her best to show it off because it embarrasses her so much but I still hate how I'm afraid of not being able to control myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to make a mistake.

That I'm going to do more than kiss her. That I'm going to let her do all the freaky stuff that I can see in her eyes. But at the same time, I want it so bad, it's crazy. Everything needs to work out before I can actually make that mistake because then, it won’t be a mistake anymore.

I keep thinking about how beautiful she is. How silky her hair is and how cute her nose is. How small her waist is and how she looks at me when she's mad. She reminds me of a small little pumpkin with highlighter on its nose and puffy cheeks. A mad pumpkin. I even love her boobs. They are perfect…

“Tyler is not talking about it. It's really tragic. She was only sixteen…” I hear Grayson say and freeze. He brutally rips me out of my thoughts and makes my stomach drop. My smile fades immediately and my jaw drops.

What did he just say? Did he say Tyler? Did he say sixteen? I shake my head and try to act normal, although I doubt that I can hide how confused I am.

“What did you say? How did she disappear?” mom asks, with furrowed eyebrows. My heart starts racing and I feel the heat coming towards me. I start sweating. This can't be true...

I mean that much coincidence would be too much, wouldn't it? It wouldn’t be confidence anymore.

“Who? W-who disappeared?” I stutter, totally shocked. I can’t believe that this irritates me so much, that I can’t hide it. They both look at me. They don't seem like they know anything. I can only hope so. Otherwise they wouldn't be sitting so calm with me... They can't know anything about it…

“I have a friend. His name is Tyler and his sister disappeared a while ago. A month ago they found out that she died or got murdered…” Grayson explains, totally heartbroken. My head starts spinning. I get goosebumps and start shaking.

“She was only sixteen… She ran away from home after she had an argument or something and didn't came back. I don't really know it. Tyler is not really talking about it…” he continues and bites his inner cheek. Mom shakes her head.

I swallow. She ran away. That’s what they think...

“That's… Crazy. What is her name?” I ask, trying to look like I don't know s**t about it. “Uh... I don't remember it. I haven't seen her before.” he says, after thinking about it for a few seconds. I hold my breath. Thank god…

“People say she ran away with her secret boyfriend that she never told anybody about and that he killed her but I don't believe that stuff. Tyler would've known about it.” he says, totally pissed.

Wait a second. So people did know about it. Not everyone but some of them and they've never talked about it. These are probably only assumptions.

“This is so cruel. Who could do something like that to anybody? That's horrible.” mom says.

I can feel my heart outside of my god damn body. What is actually going on! They are literally talking about Lucille and I can’t believe it...

“I think she got kidnapped and killed. It doesn't seem like his sister was one of those easy girls…” he says and I feel like my heart is going to implode. They all don't even know who she is and how she feels. They don't know s**t. They only act like they know s**t and make up most of the things. They speak bad on her name and that makes me so f*****g angry.

They make up things about her being murdered. The real one is sitting in front of them but who knows and cares about that? Nobody. Nobody would expect that from me. Nobody.

“Who knows what actually happened to her and what douchebag she had to deal with.” well thanks mom, she has to deal with me.

“There are so many rapists outside and so many people who are only waiting for girls like her to walk around alone. This world needs to get cleaned.” she says and stands up, taking our plates. This is insane. They're right with most of the things they said but the craziest thing is that Grayson is Tyler's friend. Never in a million years would I have thought of this. It’s rude how god keeps playing me.

He is Lucille’s brothers friend. I think I'm going to throw up. This could be dangerous for me. If I don't pay attention, everything will be screwed... I need to be careful.

And these both. They gave me such a good idea now, with the things they said. It’s perfect. Brilliant. It'll make everything so much easier. Even easier than it is right now.

I should've thought about that earlier. People will actually believe it and this will be done forever. I need some time alone and then I need to talk to capo.

“And what have you been doing all the time?” Grayson asks, when mom sits back down but I can barely concentrate. What did just happen? I heard the story that's not true, about the girl I've been spending most of my time with. I didn't expect my family to talk about her because usually we’re too passive for things like these. How are these both friends and how did it come that Grayson has never seen Lucille or heard her name before? What did Tyler tell him about her and what did he not talk about? How did he even met Tyler? Somehow everything has a connection and feels like a bomb that could explode every second but at the same time it's like nothing is clear yet and everybody's moving without being aware of the other one. This is overwhelming.

“Don't try it. He won't tell you anything.” mom says and I realize that I still didn’t answer him. They both look at me and I shake my head.

“Uh…”I have no idea what to say. “Are you still thinking about Tyler's sister? Honestly, you've been daydreaming since you sat down on this table. First you smiled without saying a word and now you look shocked and can't get out of it. What is wrong with you? You really must’ve lost your mind.” he is annoyed...

Does he always has to mess up everything and ruin it? Can't he just let me think for a few seconds? And does it even matter what I do? I clench my jaw and furrow my eyebrows.

“I like thinking about other things. Distracts me from the fact that I'm here.” I say, totally disgusted and lean back.

“What is your damn problem? Why can't you be normal? Why can't you at least try to be polite and normal?” he snaps back immediately and I lean back in.

“Because I'm not an ass-kisser like you.” I say, quietly and totally calm. That makes him angry. He takes a deep breath and leans in as well.

“I cant believe that we're twins. You always have to ruin everything and upset mom. I heard you're never even here and she's not seeing your face.” he says. What the f**k is he talking about? Really?

What the f**k is this god damn copy of me talking about? Does she really think he knows who I am or how much I've changed or what I feel or who I am? Is he talking about how I should be? How could he think that he has the right to do that? Why do they even talk about me?

My blood starts boiling and I can’t stop it... They don't even know what they've done to me in all these years. They act like they don't see it and still try to blame me. They stab me in my heart and expect me to apologize because I'm bleeding? If we wouldn't be twins, I would believe that I'm adopted or something.

“I can't believe it either...” is the only thing I can say right now through my teeth.

They say I'm the one who's always messing everything up with my behavior, when they're the ones who can't stop ranting about me, every damn minute, while I'm just trying to do my thing and leave.

It has always been like this and it always will be. And I'm stupid for still being so naive and coming here. They want me to come and then they get mad because I'm who I am.

I stand up and say “Thanks for the nice dinner. I'm done.” I say and walk towards the door of the kitchen but Grayson stops me.

“She was right. You're really like dad. Always leaving whenever it gets hard. You are so similar to him…” I freeze immediately. Did this actually happen right now?

Lately I'm not really sure, if my ears are clean and if I understand some things right. I'm afraid that I got this right… I think I did…