All Night

Burgers that taste like heaven

“Everything. We already know your family but Friends, places you used to visit, things you used to do, stuff you like, when you get your period, if you have a boyfriend or any diseases, if you're a virgin or not. Things like these.“ my jaw drops and I look at him eyes wide open, asking myself if he’s serious. Did I hear that right? Why would things like these matter? There are way too intimate and inappropriate. I start blushing because these things embarrass me.

“Excuse me? These things are none of your business. How could you ask a girl about things like these? That's personal stuff! This can't be standing on this paper!“ I say, speaking very fast, with a shaking voice and almost stuttering. He made me so nervous with all this that I can barely speak.

He frowns. “I need to know this because this is your damn job. You don't need to be embarrassed. You can tell me everything and you have to because nothing about your life is private anymore. You can't even imagine what type of things I've already seen and I'm sure you're the finest one. Nothing you will say will make me think anything about you.“ he explains and I swallow. This is the longest sentence he has said to me until now and it’s also one of the worsts. I'm the finest one? And I really can't imagine what he has already seen. 

I'm too shy to answer all this stuff and how shouldn’t I be embarrassed? He’s still a stranger and I don’t want him to know this stuff about me. He can ask me anything else but not things like these. On the other side, he's not a stranger anymore. He’s my guard. And was that a compliment? 

He shows me the paper and these things are truly standing there. Is this even legal? None of what’s going on here is legal.

“Are you going to talk or do I need to get it out of you by myself?“ he leans in. He's getting mad. 

I clean my throat and start telling him everything that he wants to know. If I do what he says, nothing will happen to me and if everything goes right I'll survive. The threats are clear and I don’t want to get in danger. I wanted to get out of my old life and now I'm here. This was not what I wanted… 

When I’m, done he nods. He’s satisfied. “And?“ he asks. I raise my eyebrows. “And?“ I repeat because I don’t get what he wants from me. “Virgin or not? Did you think I'd skip this question?“ he asks, looking at me like he's going to kill me and I feel like I can't breathe once again.

I actually hoped he wouldn't notice that I didn't answer that one. I bite my inner cheek again. “I am.“ I admit and feel the heat in my cheeks. “Oh.“ he sounds surprised. “Oh.“ I repeat. He looks actually softer now. I don’t know why but I don’t need to know. 

“So you don't know anything about… this stuff?“ he asks. I look away and shake my head very fast. He runs his hand through his hair and nods, understanding.

“This'll take more time than I thought.“ he says. “You said you're the cheerleader captain?“ he asks. I nod, totally thankful that he changed the subject. That was what I needed. Talking about something that is not related to this. “That means you're good at dancing and your body is flexible. I knew it…“ he smirks and I hold my breath. Too early for being glad about him changing the subject.

Then I get goosebumps. What is wrong with me? Why does he make me feel like that? Can he please stop smirking? I just nod. 

“That's perfect.“ he's enjoying this. Such an asshole…

I keep my hands under the table and look at him. He stands up and puts the questionnaire into a folder and hands it to the guy on the bar. All my personal informations are in someone's hand who I don't know and who has no business knowing all these things.

Red hood leans onto the bar and keeps smirking. “What are you staring at? Move your ass up here.“ he says and I do what he says. I walk towards him and he walks out of the club. Obviously we're leaving again. I roll my eyes because he doesn’t even bother, giving me details. 

We get in his car and drive through the streets that are getting emptier with every minute. The time is passing so fast, it's crazy.

“Are you hungry?“ he asks and I realize that I haven't eating anything all day. The last time I ate was at the family dinner… Suddenly I feel my stomach aching. If he wouldn't have asked me, I would've totally forgot about it. I'm so thankful that he asked. And that he asked is a miracle. If I wouldn’t know my situation I’d say that he cares.

“Don't think I care. I just need to take care of you because I'm not allowed let you die.“ he says. Of course he doesn’t care. I know he's doing that because he has to. Otherwise he wouldn't even care if anything would happen to me. What did I expect? I nod very fast and he asks “Burgers?“ I could cry because Burgers sound like heaven to me right now. Him suggesting that, almost makes me cry. “Oh my god, yes!“ I answer, with more energy than I had in the past days. He hits the gas and I feel so relieved. Food is making everything better. I probably felt so weak because I didn’t eat anything. I’m sure I’ll feel a lot better after that.

I don't know if I'm hallucinating but I can see that little smile on his lips when he turns around to the other side to check the side mirror.. 'No Lucille… Don't jump into conclusions. Stop. You're only a slave. Not more.' I tell myself and take a deep breath…

After an hour we're sitting in his car again and eating our burgers and drinking our drinks. God, I missed food so much. It feels so good to fill my tummy with something that gives me energy. Something that tastes so good that I could seriously cry.

He told me that it would be too risky to eat there so we took our food and parked somewhere on the street again. He was probably afraid of me being recognized by anybody. Or he was afraid of being recognized. He also thought I would run away because he still doesn’t trust me. What I can understand. 

I let my head fall back and thank god that food exists. Of course we don't talk. It would be a wonder if we would.

After we're done, I wipe my mouth with a tissue and say “Thanks.“ that makes him look at me. He’s confused. The tables have turned. Now I confused him. “For not letting me die.“ I answer the question in his head. He slowly nods but doesn't say anything. What did I expect? He must hate me. I don’t need him to like me so that’s okay.

He turns the engine on and says “We're gonna get you some clothes.“ I look at him, totally confused. “Shouldn't the stores be closed by now?“ I ask. “Not ours.“ he answers and I'm actually glad he didn't get mad about me asking. It’s difficult for him to hit me while he’s driving anyway. I guess it's fine as long as I don't ask him anything that he doesn't want to answer. I need to remember that because I don't want him to hurt me again and he actually seems like a normal person when he's calm. He still has these cold eyes, asshole behavior and clenched jaw all the time but it's okay for now… As long as I don't make any mistakes.

“We're only working at night so we have to sleep through the day.“ he informs me and I nod. That's perfect. Darkness all the time. Day and night switch places. What else could I want?

We arrive at a street that looks like every other street that we passed or stopped by now. It feels like I'm in a dollhouse or driving in a circle.

We walk towards a door and it looks like a normal building but as soon as we enter it I realize it's actually a*****e. My eye catches a nice skirt that's hanging on a wall. I look around while we walk towards a man. Red hood greets him, as if he's his best friend. Maybe he is. 

“How can I help you, bro?“

Red hood looks at me and grabs my hand to make me step forward and spin me around like a princess. I get overwhelmed and confused by this action but I don’t show it. 

“Got a new doll to dress?“ the guy asks, raising a brow and smirking. Red hood nods and grins as well. It feels weird to hold his hand. I look at our hands while he's talking to him. He still didn’t let go. Is he even noticing that? If yes, then why isn't he letting go? My heart starts racing. I bite my lip, until the magic disappears and he lets go, as if he wasn't even aware of it.

“I have some good pieces! Leave that to me!“ the guy says and red hood nods. I shake my head at myself. What was I thinking? Touching him made me feel something that I shouldn’t feel. I need to stop that.

After a few minutes, the guy comes back with tons of clothes in his hands. “These should fit her. She's really skinny. Not as thick as the other bitches.“ he says and they laugh. I feel uncomfortable again. I don't know if I should feel offended because he said bitches or because I'm not thick. For some reason even I almost have to laugh and I hate myself for that because what they said was disrespectful.

Red hood takes the clothes and says “Thanks bro, I'll handle it.“ 

We walk towards the changing rooms.

I enter one and he hands me them.

I close the curtain and try on one combination. Seeing myself in the mirror makes my jaw drop. What I’m wearing looks like lingerie and I would never go out like that. It feels so wrong for my age. Everything about this is wrong. 

First a very short, black skirt that's too tight and a red bra, with a short, black jacket that I can barely close or cover my boobs or anything else with. I never thought that I would wear something like this in my life. I always thought bad about girls who are dressed like this and now I am in these clothes and it feels like they are glued to my skin. I feel like a hooker and I don’t want anybody to see me like this. He has already seen me worse so it doesn’t matter at all.

I step out, very shyly and look at the ground because I’m too embarrassed to look into his eyes. When I look up, I can see his smirk. He leans back and lets his head fall back. 

“Why so shy?“ he asks and his voice sounds so seductive that I can feel a weird feeling in my lower abdomen. A wave of tingles that make me blush and even more embarrassed. I can't say I don't feel attacked but I also can't say I don't like it. Not the clothes, his glance and his voice. “Maybe because I feel uncomfortable?“ I ask, ironically and he laughs. “I look like a slut.“ I cross my arms in front of my chest and try to cover it. He walks towards me… My heart starts racing.

No, please don't walk like that because I'm getting weak. 

When he looks at me like that, I feel like I could do anything for him. I get goosebumps. I know he knows that. He loves doing this to me. He's doing it on purpose and I hate myself for feeling this way for him, for giving him what he wants. I shouldn't feel anything for him. I won't. Only now I realize how tall he actually is. He's unbelievably attractive. Attractive and hot. 

He looks down at me, when only inches are left between our bodies. I gasp. I’m not even able to control the noises I make. I think I should scream so he should know how nervous I get around him because I probably didn’t make it obvious enough.

I hold my breath, while he puts his thumb on my lips and places his other fingers under my chin. He leans in a little and I think I'm about to explode. I’m about to get a heart attack. I look into his eyes because I can’t allow myself to look somewhere else. His eyes are so deep and hypnotizing…

He leans in more while I notice how good he smells. Then he whispers into my ear. “You are a slut…“ he slowly whispers and I close my eyes. It hurts. His words hurt more than anyones words could hurt me. They have a big effect on me and I can’t change it. He makes me feel like s**t and I’m so angry because I let him do this to me and because his voice makes me drip.  

He backs off and sits back down on the stool.

“This one is cute. Next.“ he says but I feel like I can't move. He was so close… 

I turn around and walk back in, after getting myself back together. After I close the curtain, I take a deep breath. Why does he have such an effect on me? I need to do something against this. I'm not going to be a victim of the Stockholm syndrome. I need to remind myself of that. I’m not going to let him get to me.

He kidnapped me and brought me into something dirty and disgusting. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Nothing more. There’s nothing else I could feel for him. He uses my weak moments and uses them to hurt me. This is his fault. He doesn't care. He's an asshole and it will stay like that. He called me slut because I am a slut now. All because of him. It'll never change and I’ll never mean something to him. I need to get this in my head but I blame the emotional situation I’m in right now, for all this chaos.

I take another deep breath and try the next combination, hoping I’ll forget about his eyes..