Song of Torment

Chapter Nine

Chapter 9: The memory of 'that night'

I'm playing with my fingers as I feel his eyes on me. Good thing Heiz came back after a few minutes with 3 glasses of juice so I help her put them on the center table.

“When did you came back?” Matt asked Heiz.

"I just came back a year ago. Sorry for not telling you," Heiz said then look at me before lowering down her head while I just played on my fingers.

"I haven’t heard from you for so long. I thought you forgot about me," Matthew said sarcastically. When Kuya Liam died, Heiz cut all her connections with Matthew and I. It just happened that Matthew's mother know where she is. That one time when I took part a dangerous mission for my master, I had deep cut on the side of my stomach and shoulder then that I lost too much blood, it was my master who gave me her address and we were even shock to see each other in that kind of situation.

Heiz didn’t answer Matthew. When she came back here in the Philippines, she chose not to contact Matthew again because she can’t bear to hide things to her bestfriend. She doesn’t want to tell Matthew where I am.

"Mommy! I ate the grapes on the ref," Ros said and giggled.

"Come here, Ros," Heiz called out and then settled Ros on her lap.

"You've met your Tito Matthew earlier right? He's my bestfriend and a close friend to your Mama Cassie," she explained to Ros and then look at Mathew. "Matt, this is Liam Ros. My son."

I saw how Matthew’s eyes widen as he look at Ros then Heiz and then he look at me.

Maybe he thought Ros is my child.

"Liam's.." he didn’t finish his sentence and Heiz just nod at him. She told Ros to come to Matthew and Matthew immediately hug him.

"I found out I am pregnant 2 months after his death. I am 4 months pregnant then."

I quickly wipe the tears that fell from my eyes. Remembering the first time I met Ros, I cried so hard that I don’t want to leave him. He's just a baby then. For months, I didn’t leave Heiz’s house because I wanted to be with my nephew as he reminds me of my brother so much.

"That's why he looks like you," Matthew said. My brother and I could pass as twins. So it’s really no wonder that his child looks like me. But Ros looks more like his Father. He also have the same favorite like his father. He is like the your version of Liam and he almost got nothing on his mother.

"So to what do we owe your presence? You didn’t come here to just check on my house, right?" Heiz asked teasingly that made Matthew smirk.

"I came to see her. I want to talk to her," he answered while looking at Heiz’s eyes but I know he's talking about me.

Heiz just smiled at him and then held her son’s hand before they went to the backyard.

A few minutes had passed and we just remain silent. I could feel Matthew’s stare at me as I play on my fingers.

"Why didn't you told me?" he asked, breaking the silence between us.

I looked at him to ask what’s he talking about

"The reason why you lost our child," he said that made me look away.

It felt like the time stop moving and I could that my face is turning pale when he said that.

"Also, Aldrin is dead. All this time you’re with him in LA. But his body was found in the ocean the day before you left me."

I could feel my heart aching as I recall that time when I learned about Aldrin’s death.

Now, I guess Matthew really found out what happened 9 years ago. I have plans to tell him everything but not this soon. Not when he still hates me.

"You were tortured that’s why you lost our baby. Then you got hit by a car. I assume that's Louie Taylor's car that’s why he is the one who brought you to the hospital. It's not a hit and run like you doctor said. When you had a chance, you escape the hospital and that Louie took you in. You become a trainee of Blue Note and that's how you started your career."

"How did you know all this?" I asked him as I clench my fist.

"I got you investigated. So now, tell me the whole truth! And the real reason why you left me!" he demanded. His eyes are red so I know that he is trying hard to fight back his tears from falling.

I sigh and stand up from where I’m sitting. I walk towards the window where I can see the backyard. Heiz is happily playing with Ros and seeing Ros smile makes me miss Liam and the last smile he gave me before he died right in front of my eyes.

"I don't think this is the right time for that," I told him. It’s great that he doesn’t know everything yet because I know he is not yet ready to know everything that happened in the past.

I felt him stood up from where he is sitting and come near me. He held my arm and made me face him. All I can see is anger as I look into his eyes. No, he is furious.

"And when is the right time? I've been thinking all these years, Cass the reason why my wife left me. Yes, death is chasing us. With a lot of death threats and all I didn't fail in protecting you. And you’re the one who told me that you will stay with me no matter what. Till death do us part. We already had plan everything to go on war and everything for once and for all. It was a great plan but then you left. You left when everything is about to fall to their right places."

I look away from him and gulped a few times.

"You're mad. Let's talk about this next time,” I said and about to turn my back on him but he stop me.

"No! Let's talk about it now because I’m about to go crazy thinking what the hell happen to you that you have to leave me. "

I look up at him and stared intently in his eyes.

"Why, Matthew? Will it change something if I will the you the truth right now? Will it make your anger go away if I tell you what happen 9 years ago?" I ask him. He didn’t answer and just remain looking intently into my eyes. "You're right. All the things you've said were true. When I left you, I got kidnapped. They took me in an abandon building where I found my brother. They tried to hurt me but my brother protected me. He asked them to hurt him instead but he end up being killed. After that, they tortured me. I tried so hard to protect our child. I did and when they’re done torturing me, they throw me like some garbage. I manage to survive after that but a week after, some men took me again. That’s when the man who took us found out I was pregnant so they did everything. They punch me and kick me in my stomach over and over again to get rid of my child."

I harshly wipe my tears and look at him who's also silently crying.

"I thought they were really after us but the leader said that if we die, they will bring out the monster in him. I ask them who and they said your name, Lute."

"Stop," he said.

My hands are shaking. I am shaking while remembering that faithful night of my life. But still, I continued talking.

"When I lost the baby, they let me go. They said it's enough to turn you into a mons-"

"I said stop!" he shouted loudly that made Heiz come back go ask us what happen but Matthew just ignored her. "Who are they?"

I didn’t answer him.

"Who are they?!" he shouted again and Heiz tried to calm him down as Ros started to get scared at him and about to cry.

"Stop yelling, Matt! Ros would get scared of you."

Matt look at Ros who is now hiding behind Heiz and hugging her mother’s leg. His nose is so red as a sign that he is about to cry. Matt sigh and tried his best to calm down before looking at me again.

"Let's talk about this some other time," I told him which made him clench his jaw to control his temper.

"When? When will you ever tell me, Cass? Until when are you planning to keep me from the truth?" he asked.

Heiz carried Ros and then head to his room.

"I’ll tell you when you calm down and when you’re ready.”

He laugh sarcastically.

"So you think I’m not ready? After 9 years, Cass, what do you think happenned to me after those long years?” he looked up to fight back his tears and then look at me again. “I’m trying get myself ready. I’m readying myself to hear your explanation even if I’m not sure if you’ll ever come back to me or you’ll be gone in my life forever.”

"Matt."

He step back nang lumapit ako sa kanya.

"Ready yourself tomorrow. We will introduce you as the new member of Rhapsody and part of RL. Also tomorrow, we will have the contract signing for you to become officially part of SMAC," he said and didn’t give me a chance to say something. He went to Ros’ room and knock on his door to say goodbye to them.

I stared blankly at nothing while I look at his car disappear.

"Looks like everything will change now. You successfully entered his life again but things will now get harder as he near from the truth," Heiz said

"I'm just waiting for his forgiveness."

"Just his forgiveness?"

I smirked and then laugh.

"Him. I just want him back"

-

I was playing with my fingers as my brother look intently at me and Matthew. He just saw us kissing in the front door!

Just what the hell is Matthew thinking going here all the way from the Philippine and then kiss me intently after declaring his love for me but I can't deny to myself that it is also my fault for giving in to his kisses so easily.

"What are you doing here in LA, Guevarra?"

Instead of answering my brother, he looked at me and smiled.

We're on the living room. I’m sitting right next to my brother while Matthew is sitting in front of us. Heiz is in the kitched cooking for us to have something to eat but I can see from where I am sitting that she sometimes sneak a glance at us.

"I'm asking you, Guevarra," Liam asked in with an authoritative tone.

"Don’t scare Matt, Hon!" Heiz shouted from the kitchen so my calm his self and muttered some curses.

"I came to see your sister."

My eyes widen as I look at Matthew and then my brother who raised an eyebrow at him. But Matthew seems to be unaffected and just look Liam in the eyes.

"And to answer that question you asked to me on your wedding day, it's a no. I don't like your sister...because I love her with all my heart and with all I am."

I heard something broke from the kitchen but Matthew and Liam never leave each other’s eyes. I look back and so some broken plates on the floor. Heiz is looking at Matthew with her hands on her mouth.

"You do understand what you're saying right now, Guevarra?" my brother asked.

"I do. And I'm here to accept the responsibility. I promise you not to hurt her intentionally and protect her with all my might. I know, danger is always after me but she will be safer if she's by my side because at this very moment, I’m sure it will be more dangerous for her if she will be out of my sight because for sure, my enemies already knew that she’s my weakness."

Liam just nod his head as an agreement to what Matthew said while I felt a pinch in my heart because Matthew said that while looking directly in my eyes.

"If I saw a single tear fall from her eyes, forget about our brotherhood because I will be the one who will kill you."

"I will kill myself first if that happens," Matthew said sincerely then smiled at me

Liam just nod and stood up to head into the kitchen where Heiz is standing and looking at us with tears in her eyes.

"Hey."

Matthew tried to get my attention when there’s only the two of us left in the living room. He was about to sit beside me but I quickly stood up and stand in front of him so he just remained sitting.

"I.."

I can't even form a sentence!

He was looking at me as if waiting for me to say something but I think he got tire from looking up at me so he pulled my hand to make me sit. But instead of sitting beside him, he settles me on his lap.

"Matthew!" I slap his shoulder and look at the kitchen if my brother can see us. "My brother is just in the kitchen and he might see us!"

"I don't care," he said then wrap around his arms on my waist and buried his face on my neck.

This the very first time I ever get intimate into someone. The last thing I remembered being near like this to him is during our training. So this fast beating of my heart while his tiny kisses on my neck lingers on my skin is all new to me.

"I missed you yesterday," he said na what stop me from trying to get away from him. "I also miss you today."

I sigh in contentment and brush his hair with my fingers.

"I missed you, too."

He pulled away from his embrace and look at me in the eyes.

I've always loved his eyes. It's like they were saying something to me that he can't put into words.

"About the thing I said to your brother."

"Matthew..."

"It's true. I love you, Cassie. Since the very first time I heard your music. I fell inlove with you."

—