He Was My Favorite Drug

I never thought that I would be 24 with three kids widowed back playing small town bullshit games. But here I am doing it. balancing work family partying and trying to just find something or someone to fill my void. I met a guy named Al at the bar one night he asked me to attend a wedding with him so I did things were great for awhile until Blue got out of jail. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes I loved looking into them.A man that I knew since I was 9 years old when I first moved to my town. He got into some trouble when I was 19 he went to prison 5 years later he gets out and hits me up trying to still get me on a date. I knew he had kids with my on and off friend B but she started dating my ex Al so out of spite I hit Blue up to fix my car. We started hanging out and doing things together with his and my kids and next thing you know I'm moving in. Everything was perfect in my life for the first time in awhile. Blue was pretty busy always working and hustling but made time for me regardless. B hated I was with Blue she talked so much s**t nonstop about my past of drugs and bashing me left and right. she would call his mom tried to get her to hate me it was f*****g ridiculous. If it wasn't her running her mouth it was her mother talking about me. Everyone in my small town loved to gossip. Still do till this day. Regardless months went by blue and I went to Wisconsin for rock fest for a four day event I took him for his birthday and we went to Vegas and south Carolina Kentucky Tennessee we did a lot of s**t together for 4 years and he wanted to quit his families business and I supported his choice. his mother was livid with him but he knew he could make more money on his own but I stood by him. he tried a few things out before getting to where he is now. I stayed up with him studying for his cdl I helped him with his test for the mill and he even tried the bricklayers for a bit and that's when s**t turned while out of town with his best friend Anthony. they went to a strip club .he was out of town a lot which made me pay the Bill's and I didn't mind he was trying to see figure out his career again. But what I did mind was he went through all of my tax return at a strip club while cheating on me. I never thought he would do that little did I know he was only going to hurt me more and more as the years continued. He thought I wasn't going to find out about the stripper his buddy made sure I found out. Blue and I never fought ever we had a great relationship until Anthony came back to town and got him working with him. I ended up breaking up with him and this man goes and dates my sisters best friend ,then my friend, then end up dating the woman that ruined my entire marriage knowing how I felt about her I told him everything. his words to me was "mel you cant make someone love you" and" I didn't know this was going to happen. I never wanted to hurt you". But every single day he would call for a hook up he would sneak around his gf and call me and my dumbass fell right back into thinking he really did love me and care about me.it was like no matter what he did I made a excuse to not be able to stay mad at him. i wouldn't date anyone because I kept playing this cat and mouse game. his gf and I would talk s**t to eachother. i would always tell her "you cant compete where you dont compare babe" and she would trash talk me nonstop i didn't care. but at the same time I wanted her to feel how she made me feel when she ruined my marriage and my husband died next to her in a car accident that was her instigating her w***e tactics. Things didn't stop with Blue and I we kept meeting up I would make it known I was with him by snapchats writing my name on cars or in the garage or on papers inside so she would see it. They would fight he would leave and come to me. but then she started getting him back on drugs. He would eat ladders like they were candy it was horrible he said ur helped with his PTSD but it made him reckless he would ruin things for fun he was violent to some people but never me. Him and his gf would have legit physical fights. I never understood why he would stay I finally started hanging out with Duff and I told blue we were done I was done playing the game his girlfriend was what he wanted fine I'm hanging out with someone else he begged me to meet him to stop talking crazy I asked where he wanted to go and it was in the field down the road from his house. so my dumbass went. I dont know why I did. But my dumbass looked at his blue eyes and fell right back in but still kept hanging out with duff too since he could do it I was like why cant I?!?! after awhile duff and i became a couple and i moved into his place. everyone i was around was on glitter so was I. Blue had endless supplies of it. my little sister and I were always the outcast of our family she was quite and looked incredibly innocent but looks can be deceiving. she was the f*****g one person that I trusted and end up ruining my life. Talk about a plot twist. but we will get to that later. Duff and I were doing real good until drugs got more of our attention and his mom got diagnosed with cancer and he stopped being as affectionate and started pushing me away it bothered me a lot I would bring it up write him letters or write to myself like I am now just about my f****d up life and what's going on in my head. Nothing aas working so I unblocked blue and started talking to him about my feelings and he told me he missed me and to stop by. So I did. I started sneaking around with blue again I dont know why I cant let him go hes always on my brain. I craved more and more of the thrill of having my cake and eating it too.Me and my sister worked up north together so we would always stop at blues on the way back or just go for a ride and go there She knew how much I loved him and she hated duff and he hates her as well. mg sister use to live with me for a long time until I got with blue and she moved back home then left there and moved back with me for about 3 years and then moved into our sisters house. she was using as well was I so that's pry why we got along so much and besides us both always feeling like the black sheep in our family. she was legit my best friend. I was always worried about her and would always try to help her and whatever girl she was interested with at that time. but things turned for the worst when I decided I was leaving duff and moved my little sister to blues house.Thats where the nightmare was really about to become my worst nightmare.