Fresh Cut

Time

Time

“There’s no time!” He pulled my hand, tugging me in the direction of the vehicle as we started half running towards it.

Our hands held tighter as we neared the vehicle.

“Please…” I stopped short, forcing him to face me. “Please don’t go.”

Abe held my gaze and I could see the strain forcing memories to the front of his mind, but then he broke away, opening the front door for me to climb in.

We sat in silence the entire way, aching and almost hurting in this short moment of not being able to be close to each other.

I didn’t want to even think about how much it may hurt…even more so, soon.

Finally, after all his bags were checked in at the airport terminal, we tightly wrapped our arms back around each other, once again taking the time to remember the last embrace.

I heard him breathe in and then exhale with a quiet “mmm.” This was becoming a small gesture…something that let me know he was just as engaged with my everything just as I was with his.

I reluctantly pulled away from the embrace to gaze into his eyes to remember the beautiful, rich green and dark blue infused colors that set his face alight, even when he was trying to speak in a serious tone. Like now.

“I have to, for now,” he answered my earlier question.

There was so much I wanted to say and yet saying nothing at all could mean more. He could read my emotions and expressions like no one ever could. Even more so than Benja had, and still does.

But there was just a little uneasy feeling that was niggling at me…something I just couldn’t put my finger on. I couldn’t ask Abe what it was, or could be, as I didn’t know what to ask. Even though I knew I could tell him anything, I didn’t want to appear over-exaggerated in my emotions. Especially in this early time for us that was so wonderful and what I could only describe as lovely yet intense, and so much more that I could barely put to words.

I settled for biting my lip and let him read my expression as I melted into his gaze.

It wasn’t until reality wound in, when I could feel something being placed in my hand, that I hesitantly tore my eyes from him to look down.

“Just a lil’ something,” he said shyly, his tone speeding up as I turned over a small crisp white envelope in my hand. As the card turned over I smelt a whiff of a gorgeous familiar aroma.

“You didn’t?”

“Yes,” he replied, a small smirk stretching on his lips. “Cheesy right?”

“Oh,” I stammered. “It’s perfect, really.” Not finding the right words to really tell him how perfect it was, wishing I could have done the same. “Not cheesy at all.” I breathed in, taking the card to my nose to really soak in the aroma of his cologne that could stay with me.

“Read it later,” he whispered, before kissing my cheek lightly and then disappearing into the crowds of people.

We didn’t say goodbye. That was something we understood without communicating it out loud, as we knew we were going to see each other again.

***

“It’s just two weeks. It’s just two weeks,” I repeated, pressing redial on my phone. Please pick up, I thought, desperately waiting.

Besides I had more pressing things to think about, remembering the up and coming fashion expo that Exquizit was debuting at in Milan, and that we were flying out on a connecting flight to France first thing tomorrow.

I closed the phone call. Still no answer.

I sat in BJ’s jeep at the airport, waiting for just one more moment before driving off. I tried again... Still no answer.

Sitting in BJ’s luxurious new jeep was quite different to sitting in mine. I breathed in, loving the new car smell mixed with the leather seat aroma and of course BJ and Abe’s manly scents were also lingering in the mix. Hmm, I often wondered if I should upgrade my Cherokee, as I had the means to but I loved having a familiar, older SUV that felt like home. It was the little things like the homey worn look of the seats that had been sat in many a time, that made it so much more comforting. Sandy was one step ahead of me though. She certainly could afford to buy a flash new car as well, but instead drove around in her old-school Chevy that looked like a real surfer’s car. I set my phone on hands-free and reluctantly pulled out of the airport parking lot.

Turning on the radio I was intrigued to see what station BJ listened to. Ha, of course it would be the same station as I listened to. It was usually pumping out the latest pop or hip hop tracks, almost always guaranteeing a good mood setting. But not today. I liked this song, usually. Was it as if everything was now turning in the opposite direction just because he was gone?

‘…each step, baby…’ started pumping out through the speakers. Okay, I can roll with those lyrics, I decided.

C’mon, I told myself, pushing the buttons, redialing the numbers impatiently. It was just two weeks. That’s not really a long time to wait, but that lil’ nagging feeling was growing impatient now. Was I supposed to stop him going? For just no reason other than the small feeling that something wasn’t right?

‘so be miss-in’, ’ll be my everythin’, that’s miss-in’ you…’ Ugh! I gladly turned the radio down to hear the phone ringing again.

“Hey, BJ?”

“Hey it’s me! Oh, I must have opened BJ’s phone by mistake. He left it on the phone charger.”

“Random.” Sandy paused. “Oh…he’s gone.”

“Yup.” I fought back the emotions.

“All good?”

“Yup,” I repeated, pulling myself together. “You guys?”

“Yep having a blast!” she nearly shouted. “We were still out there when you called before.”

“How is she?”

“Wow, I think she’s a natural. Takes after her Momm-!”

I heard Sandy stop herself short, regretting saying the last word.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

I had to laugh in response. “Girlfriend, it’s all good! Yep she does.”

Sandy sighed, no longer holding her breath and then laughed too. “She does. Hey, she’s asking for an ice cream?”

“Ha ha, okay…how about ordering one for me too… I’ll be there in two mins.”

“Sweet.”

“Thanks.” I ended the call and looked ahead for the turnoff.

I pulled into the beach parking lot and felt the aching in my heart warm up and heal just a little seeing my very special BFFs and Alezmé waiting there by the ice cream stand.

“Hey Momma!” I heard Alezmé call out as I climbed out and closed the door. “Sandy and Britty are teaching me how to surf!! Cool, right!” she shouted, running up to me, soaking my top with her wet surfing top as she gave me a big hug.

I grinned but looking up at Britten whose smile wasn’t so wide, I wondered... “Britty aye?”

“Oh yeah, Sandy and Britty they sound the same, cool right?”

I sighed. Alezmé had a knack for giving people their own special pet names.

***

I cranked up the music on the way back to drop Sandy off. We all began singing along, offering a distraction as I put the events of next couple of days in order in my mind. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love or hate airports soon, as I was going to be in them a lot over the next two weeks.

Abe. Okay he was gone. I could cope, I think. On Tuesday Becca and I were scheduled to fly out to Milan, and then back to LA on Friday. Abe mentioned he may try and fly to LA for this weekend, but it was a maybe. But I was imagining only just being able to make it through this week without him, knowing it wouldn’t be too long before he was here again, if that was a possibility.

My thoughts drifted from my plans, as the afternoon turned into night, easily being distracted by the scent of Abe’s cologne still lingering on my clothes.

Oh the card! On the way to my room I walked past Alezmé’s to check she had gone to sleep. She looked so peaceful as she slept, like a princess with no worries in the world. I sighed, trying to decide who she looked more like these days. I couldn’t see much of myself in there of course.

The house now seemed quiet after having people constantly here over the last few weeks. I had a quick, but burning hot shower, letting the aches and strains of emotion from the day melt away and then made a hot cocoa and relaxed on the sofa. I stayed there watching and listening to the ocean, reminiscing again about him, remembering the day we had had, trying to draw on the intenseness of feelings and heightened emotions to feel like he was not so far away now.

Abe had spent most of the day with me in Exquizit, dreamily watching me as I rushed around prepping for Milan. Then when it was nearly time, we walked along the beach by my home. Sandy had picked Alezmé up from school while I took Abe to the airport, giving us just a few more precious lasting minutes.

I set my hot cup down and folded the envelope over in my hand. I didn’t hesitate to open the seal and read it. I was shocked at first to see a short letter that was in the card, in his own beautifully articulate handwriting, but then was absorbed as I slid deeper into the sofa, taking in every word. If I could cry, I’m sure this could possibly be one of those moments where I would feel tears escape from my eyes and roll down my cheeks, in the overwhelming feeling of emotional happiness from being loved and thought about enough, that someone would put pen to paper to express their innermost deep thoughts.

I carried the card with me and held it tightly in one hand even as I combed through my long hair with the other hand and got dressed into some comfortable pajamas for bedtime. I slipped it under the pillow next to mine and straight away began to go into a light but very relaxed sleep. As I slipped from awake to asleep, I could almost see a dream there, waiting for me to see, and engage in it as if I was asleep, but still awake in my thoughts, and began dreaming in a deep sense.