The Summer Bucket List

Chapter 13

August POV

We were watching a movie, The Notebook. It was Farah’s favorite movie. We were sitting, sinking our backs on the couch while our legs were covered in a warm blanket and a bowl of pop corn on our thighs. I act like nothing happened minutes ago, but the truth is I couldn’t stop thinking about her lips, how soft and beautiful they look. And oddly, how they quietly communicate with me. I looked at Farah, her tears glimmering and falling down on her cheeks while watching the movie. How soft and innocent her eyes were.

I remember the depth of her stares, there’s so much hidden grief inside it. Even though she couldn’t tell me, I just know how heavy her heart is. And it’s hard to ignore it. But I know her, she acts tough outside, but inside she’s shattered. I want her to tell me the bare truths of her agony. I want to be her knight in shining armor, just like the old times. But I didn’t want to precede. I just stood beside her like a steady, infinite rock, comforting her sincerely with my presence, waiting, hoping.

Watching the movie, I couldn’t stop but reminisce about our memories. The Notebook movie was just like our story. How euphoric our summers were. It’s like the memories of our summers kept flashing back in my head. How we spent it at the beach, just like how Allie and Noah spend their summer beneath the trees. How Noah wrote 365 letters for Allie, just like I did for Farah for a whole year when I was just nine. How Allie’s parents forbid their relationship, just like how the universe unfavored our timing. I loved her, that’s the plot twist of our friendship story.

Even in her absence for years, I could see her everywhere. I could hear her name in the wind that whispers in my ears. My mind kept crumbling with thousands of thoughts of her. The softness of her smile lingers on my mind. Her brown eyes glowing with life when she’s with me. The nostalgic feeling always haunts me even in a dark empty room.

I’m losing my mind, realizing I waited sixteen years to finally prove to myself, that I f*****g love her. If that wasn’t love, what is it then? It’s real, and I can vouch for it. I know from the bottom of my heart that my love for her is real.

But now, it’s too late. I stared hard at her finger. I waited sixteen years to realize I loved her. Even though our present doesn’t intertwine, the reality of this god-damn feeling is inevitable.

“Jessica and I broke up,” I whispered. “What?” Farah asked, looking concerned.

“We broke up last week,” I said, staring at her. She paused the movie through the remote.

“Are you okay?” she asked. I tittered. “I’m fine.”

“Why did you two break up?” She asked again, locking her sight at me. I stared hard at her deep brown eyes. “You,” I said skeptically.

“What?” We stared at each other for so long. I could feel her assumptions in the silence that invisibly connects us. I don’t want to lie, nor waste this chance. I will tell her the truth. I will tell her how I feel. “I have feelings for you, Farah.” My voice dropped low as I stared harder at her. Shock courses through her expression, but not that much like I anticipated.

“I know I shouldn’t be feeling this, because you’re my best friend and you’re engaged.”

“August, stop.” I ignored her. “But ironically, I do. I love you, Farah. And I’m losing my mind because of you,” I yearned.

I wanted to tell her that for so long, and now I have. That truth made me finally breathe.

“August.” Her voice rasps with so much emotion. But that’s it. That’s the only response I got from her. I know the possible risk, the consequences, the cons that might completely tear apart our friendship. But I had to. I don’t want to hide this feeling forever either.

Farah’s POV

I was heading to the boardwalk while music played on my headphones. August, confession is welded in my head I badly wanted to escape from. But somehow, I already know it. I could always see the affection right through his eyes. I could feel it from the warmth of his voice and beyond the comfort of his smile and the nuance in his presence. And I can never deny that I also felt the same from the very first moment I saw him, and in every second that I was with him.

When he said those three words ‘I love you’, it was the very first time that I truly felt something from it. It’s as if those words were alive and have their own emotions. I’ve always heard Easton say that, but it was just a literal word, with letters and tones. And I tend to say it too. We always say I love you. And every time he says it, I tell him right back. We say it so much. But the brutal truth, love wasn’t really there. And I want to curse myself for that. But sometimes the same question tittered in my head, if he also means it? We keep saying it over and over, that I’m sometimes having doubts if we just repeat it because it’s a kind of required in a relationship?

So, when I heard those three words from August, and from his own mouth, an instant surge of joy leaped inside me. I desperately wanted to twine my arm around him and say the same words, but my reality interjected, I’m engaged.

…

The next day came, and I was at Jella’s abode visiting her and her little Christina. We were in the kitchen cutting the pie that I brought for her while her daughter was playing in the living room with the toys that I also bought for her. Chris is at work, so it was just us at their house.

Suddenly, Jella paused. “Right, wait for me here.” She said and grabbed something in her room. When she came back, she slid a paper towards me. “It’s an invitation.”

“For what?” I asked. “For my baby’s gender reveal party. Oh, since I mentioned it, what do you think is the best name for my baby? I was thinking of, Chrisha or Chrissy? Christiana? Christian, Christopher?”

“Ahm… Christel is also cute. And for the boy… Chris Junior?” I chuckled.

We both laughed. “That’s so old-fashioned.” “So, how’s your summer bucket list going?” She suddenly asked. And I stayed silent.

“Did August do it?” She followed. “Yeah, he did.”

“That’s good.” She stared at me. “What’s the matter?” She whispered.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you.” She focused her sight on me, waiting for me to spill the tea. “August confessed his love to me last night.”

Her eyes were expressive, but not astonished as I expected. It’s as if she knew it all along. And perhaps I was right. Her silence made my narrative evident to believe.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you,” she said and stood closer to mine. I watched her swallow. “August…” For a long second, she stopped there, and just stared at me. And every second that passes made my heart race. What is it about him?

“August.” She took a deep breath. “He liked you since we were kids.” My eyes narrowed, and my brows crossed, confused. “I always knew that, because he told me. I thought he was just making a joke, until after last summer, the exact summer after you left. He didn’t receive any updates from you. He waited for you for the next summer, but you didn’t show up. He tried reaching out and wrote you 365 letters, but he didn’t receive any response. It was the very last summer. He didn’t go out, never even played with us. It’s as if he lost himself when he lost you, not until you showed up. That’s when I realized he was telling the truth sixteen years ago. He really does love you.”

My shoulders dropped and my heart keens.

“I know it wasn’t my story to tell, but I think you should know, before…” She followed, and her sight fell down straight on my ring. I knew what she meant, “It’s too late, I’m engaged now.”

“I know, but Farah.” She pulled my hand and gently rubbed the ring on my finger. “Maybe it’s too late for August, but you still have a choice. Don’t let your fear and pride put you in a position where you’ll regret it.”

“What are you trying to say, Jella?” She stared hard at me. “I know you don’t love Easton.” Her words made me slowly gasp out of the air. “You don’t know anything.” My voice rasps. I never thought my eyes would be slowly brimming with tears.

I walked out of Jella’s house without a proper goodbye. It’s rude, but it was not because of her, but because of me. I just don’t know what to do about this unrequited love, and the fact that the truth is slowly haunting me. My heart feels so heavy.

Everything is just so messed up.