The Summer Bucket List

Chapter 14

Farah’s POV

I was sitting steady, staring straight at my reflection in the mirror, where silence was my only companion and darkness was the only thing that could hear my quiet cries. I could plainly see the black traces of my tears falling from the mascara under my eyes. I am well known of this pain. I’ve been carrying it inside me for years. It’s more than just body aches; there’s a heaviness in the heart and burden in the chest. And somehow, I’ve learned to live with that. But this time it’s a different kind of pain.

My phone suddenly rang. I slid it under my ear.

“HELLO?” It was Caven. The loud music and the noises of the crowd from the other side pierced through the phone.

“FARAH, WHERE ARE YOU? I’M AT A BEACH PARTY, YOU WANNA COME? I’M SORRY I HAVE TO SPEAK LIKE THIS. IT'S VERY LOUD HERE.”

“Okay.”

“GOOD, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT YOUR HOUSE IN 20 MINUTES. SEE YAH.”

“Bye.” And then the call ended.

For a long moment, I hesitated about going or not. I don’t want to go there, but I also don’t want to be stuck crying for hours alone in my room. Yet, there’s a voice in the back of my head urging me to just go for it — telling me I deserve a little fun in my life with all the hardships I’ve been through.

My sight suddenly went from the Summer Bucket List that was glued behind the door. I realized this was written on my teenage list — going to a party and all.

Though hesitating, I took a shower and wore a two-piece. I looked at myself in the mirror with a towel in my hair—literally just staring at myself. I wore a dress and put on a little make-up. Until I heard a car horned outside. I peeked at the window and found Caven waiting for me.

We got on the beach, crowded, wild, messy and loud. “Wait here, I’ll just grab us some drink,” Caven said, then left. He came back with cups of beer in his hands. He handed me one. “Thanks.” I said. Suddenly, a group of guys walked towards us. “Hey, Caven. Good to see you, bro.” “Hey,” Caven replied, smiling, as they bumped their fists.

They suddenly looked at me. “Is that your girl, bro?” someone asked. “No. She’s Farah, my friend,” he said as he glanced for seconds at me. “Nice to meet you, Farah.” I smiled. “Can we steal Caven for a second?” he said. “Sure.” He wrapped his arms around Caven’s neck, while Caven just laughed. “I’ll come back.” He said before he left.

I watched them as they faded in the crowd. I was left there alone, but it doesn’t bother me. I grabbed another beer, walked in the middle and danced. After the second cup of beer, I got once again, until I got my fifth one. I am not reckless, but I am desperate to forget everything that is on my mind even for a night. I danced in with the crowd like I owned the night filled with confidence and pure audacity. And I never knew that at that moment, alcohol was already spreading across my entire system. I felt numb, but felt free.

But that moment of freedom was struck by just a second when I saw August staring at me in the distance in a white shirt and his black jeans. I didn’t know if I was just hallucinating things from the alcohol or stuck in a revery of him. I swallowed. As seconds passed, it became more alluring. Our gazes were like invisible strings, holding us together, and for an unbeknownst reason it felt like it was pulling me towards him. I was slowly taking my step, when, in an instant, Jessica interjected onto the scene.

I watched her as she gracefully held August's shoulders down to his chest. She was tempting him. The air grew thin, and my heart tightened, then I felt it again—jealousy.

I spun around and marched quickly, but then I paused. I didn’t know what'd gotten inside me to have the urge to stop in the middle of the crowd where people were dancing. I should’ve run away somewhere, but I just stood there like a statue. Until I remembered my teenage summer bucket list. I grabbed another drink and desperately danced again, owning the music, owning the spotlight. Right now, I’m reckless. I felt like the main character — an iconic crazy woman at that moment — not minding the dozens of eyes staring at me. Until someone marched forward and forcefully spun me around and slapped me across my face. It was Jessica, also reeking from the smell of alcohol.

My eyes widened and I was completely shocked. The music stopped, and we became the center of attention.

“I want to get the attention of everyone. This woman right here is nothing but a whore.” She yelled as she pointed at me, while I was just there standing still in the haze, still shaking.

“She’s already engaged, and yet she still has the audacity to steal my man.” She said boldly in my face. At that moment, I didn’t feel pain. I felt betrayed. The pure, gentle woman I thought Jessica was, was just a hollow impression of her surface.

“Jessica!” a manly enraged voice said. It was August furiously marching towards us. She pulled Jessica’s hand away. That scene hurt me. I thought he'd be going to rescue me, but it’s the opposite. He left me hanging from humiliation. “This is also your fault, August! You used me, you lied to me. You said you love me and yet you still chose that crazy slut over me,” Jessica shouted the moment she escaped from August’s grip. August's jaw clenched and his gaped harder. “Don’t you dare call her that!” he exploded. I could hear people talking.

My knees slowly tremble from embarrassment and my eyes brimming with silent tears. I can’t move any cell of my body. I was frozen. Until, someone tightly held my hand. It was Caven. His stance was hard and composed, but I could feel the disappointment and rage radiating in his grip. “Come on, Farah.” He calmly intervened in a firm voice and pulled me away from the scene. Everyone was left speechless, including August.

Although we had already escaped, my mind was still swirling from the brutal truths that Jessica uttered. Everything that she said was right. My heart stutters heavy in my chest to have the biggest realization. I was in denial. I was in denial of the truth that I love August.

I pulled my hand back from Caven’s grip and ran away as quickly as I could with tears falling on my cheeks. He tried to follow as he called my name, but I lost him.

August’s POV

Caven told me Farah was missing, so we searched for her everywhere. We’re together, but it felt like we’re both just a wind. No one dared to talk. I could still feel the tempting rage that occupies Caven.

“I’m sorry for what Jessica said to Farah.” I spoke, breaking the silence.

“You should be.” He stared hard at me. “You know what, you’re a real asshole. I just don’t understand why you kept pushing her away.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Farah likes you, can’t you see that?” And, you obviously liked her too.” I wasn’t shocked, because I could feel it — the truth that she felt something for me too. But it felt different to hear the truth — of how transparent our nuance was — from others' mouths, especially from Caven.

“I can’t do anything, she’s engaged.” The obvious answer of a jerk.

“Yeah. Then probably, that’s your fault too. You could’ve searched for her in every corner of the world for sixteen years if you truly loved her, but you didn’t. If I were you, I'd never spare even a second without searching for her. She’s been through so much, and she only got you, and yet you kept pushing her away.”

What he said drilled into my mind. He’s right. I had millions of chances to keep trying to find her instead of blaming everything on her absence. But after just a single rejection, I lost hope and gave up. My heart sinks to realize how hollow I was.

Caven and I split so we could easily find her. I drove my car towards her house. Caven searched for her at the pier and the boardwalk where she usually went.

The light from my car spotted a woman in the distance. It was Farah walking barefoot in the dark, empty street. I drove my car slowly beside her. “Farah, I’m sorry.” She never even looked at me. “ I know how devastated you are, but please come inside, I’ll take you home. “She rejected my plea.” I’m really sorry. Don’t take this so hard. It's dangerous out here. ”

“Just leave me alone.” She replied coldly. I watched her as she slouched when she walked on something and hurt her foot. This will do nothing. I took a heavy breath, stopped the car and went out. She stood, confused. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this,” I said, and without warning I grabbed her and carried her on my shoulders. “August! Put me down!” I opened the door of the front seat and put her inside. She didn’t even sit for a second, she threw up on my shirt. Her head leaned on my chest, drained and tired. I gently rubbed her back. “Are you okay?” She moaned as she closed her eyes and drifted and pressed her head on the car seat. I put her seat belt on and closed the car door. I had no choice but to remove my wet shirt. Good thing I had an extra shirt in the back.

I drove my car, and as I was driving I caught a glimpse of her. She was not asleep, she was blankly staring at the front window, laid off on deep thoughts.

When we got into her house, I instantly texted Caven that Farah was safe, and I'd taken her home. I was too focused on my phone, when I suddenly heard the door slamming. Farah walked out, marching out of the car. She couldn’t even walk straight. I followed her, held her shoulders and pressed on to mine to assist her, but she pushed me away. She suddenly burst out.

“Why are you doing this to me, August?!”

“What do you mean?” I looked a little frazzled.

“Why are you making me insane?” She marched forward and kept hitting me.

“Why? Why? Why do you have to ruin everything?” She sighed deeply, heavily. Her shoulders fell, and her eyes stared gloomily into mine. “Why did you say you love me? Why?” She suddenly gasped, and her voice whimpered in the softest expressive tone. “Why now? Why now that I’m engaged? Why just now?” She kept saying. I stared hard at her and cut her off.

“If I answered your questions, would anything change?” She moved away from me quite befuddled by my question. I stared earnestly at her. “If I told you before that I’m f*****g in love with you, will you not leave me? Will you choose me? Will you not marry him?” Farah was too stunned to speak.

“I waited sixteen years for you to come back, only to find out I was too late.” I took a stance towards her. “And I regret it now. I regret that I waited when I could’ve searched for you for sixteen years. When I could’ve written you thousands of letters, rather than just 365 letters. When I could’ve confessed to you that moment, I saw you at the pier instead of pushing you away.” I paused and looked keenly into her eyes. My voice dropped and I whispered. “But am I really too late, Farah? Am I really too late?” I said breathless. Her eyes are brimming with tears, and it glows with so many emotions.

“Couldn’t I change your mind, and choose me instead of him? If I get on my knees right now and beg you to choose me and stay with me, will you say yes? You don’t know how much I f*****g love you, Farah. And if I could wait for another sixteen years just for you to come back to me, I would.” Her tears fell harder at my words, and her eyes defiantly glinted with hope and joy.

“But if you really love that man, if you really love him more than me, if you’re happy with him, then choose him. Without hesitation, I’ll always choose your happiness over mine.”

I yearned.

Her cheeks filled with tears — tears I'd never seen from her, tears of an overwhelming joy. She lifted her face, fisted my shirt in her hands, pulled me and kissed me softly, yet hard. A kiss filled with thousands of nuances. A kiss I desperately yearned for. Our eyes met for a second, but I instantly intervened. I pressed her back onto mine, twined my hands on the back of her neck and kissed her back passionately. She didn’t stop me. She didn’t decline. She let me kiss her.

Then, we made love.