The Summer Bucket List

Chapter 7

Caden and I became much closer after that day in the amusement park. It’s like we were summer buddies, although he just randomly became part of my summer.

I heard a car horn outside my house. I instantly took a peek at the door and saw Caden parked his car.

I walked out of the door and waited for him on the porch.

“You’re early,” I said as he walked closer to mine.

“Yeah, and guess what I brought?” he said.

“Yeah, groceries…. Obviously.”

“Ah huh. I looked at the summer bucket list and saw list number 12. And I thought it was a great time to bake…?” Now I know what he meant. “Cookies,” I said, excitedly.

We entered the house. “Welcome to my humble home,” I said as my hand rose as a welcome sign. “Wow. It’s very organized,” he said, yet with an odd reaction. “Thank you. Make yourself at home,” I said as I walked towards the kitchen.

“Oh wait.” I instantly paused. “I’ll just go grab a pen and my notes upstairs,” I said.

He chuckled, yet muddled. ” What do you need that for? ”

“I’m going to take a note of the recipe,” I answered coolly.

He laughed. “You know what, you don’t need that stuff. Just enjoy the moment, even if we make mistakes in the process.”

I know he’s right. As much as I wanted to ignore him, I still answered him to clear things.

“You may think that it’s nonsense, but this helps me feel at ease and focus on what I really had to accomplish.” He stared at me for a long moment, contemplating.

“Okay, sure.” he shortly answered, while nodding.

…

“Alright, we can start now,” I said after I wrote the recipe and prepared the stuff that we’re going to need.

“Finally. But fair warning, I’m not a baker,” he said.

“Don’t worry, we’re the same,” I said, laughing.

Then we indulged in the baking.

Baking wasn’t hard for most adults, but I don’t know in our case. Watching us at that moment, reminded me of my mom. I used to help her bake pastries. And I never did this after she was gone, after their accident. At that same moment, I was bombarded by devastating memories. I hadn’t got any idea I was mixing the mixture too fast, while Caden was just staring at me, confused. Suddenly, I spilled it everywhere. I paused in shock. I did it again.

“Are you okay?” Caden asked while he wiped the mess from my hand. I was just standing there quite disconcerted. “Farah,” he called. That woke my senses.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t in the right mind. I ruined everything.” When I said that, I couldn’t even look in his eyes. “It’s fine,” he said, never escaping his eyes from me. There was a long moment of silence and he seemed like he was studying me.

“You know what, f**k the cookies,” he said. I was dumbfounded.

“ We’re a mess, and that’s fine. If we can’t make cookies, we might as well make fun with them. “ He followed. I just watched him slip his finger on the mixture and wiped it on my face. I was shocked. “You!!!” He knew that I was going to get my revenge, so he instantly got away from me. I also slipped my finger on the mixture. “Come back here!” I shouted.

“Come and get me!” He answered, laughing as hell.

We ran around the kitchen until we got into the living room, until finally I got him.

I wiped it across his face. “No!!!” He screamed. I laughed.

“Serves you right for putting dirt on my immaculate face.” We shivered in laughter.

We both laughed so hard. It was the laugh that hurt the stomach. The kind of laugh that almost suffocates us. The laugh I never thought I would hear again. He brought it back. Caden, brought it back.

At that moment, I stood up and saw a familiar figure outside, watching us. I thought I was just seeing things. When I looked back, he was gone.

…

“Thank you for today, Caden. I really enjoyed it,” I said, holding the pepperoni pizza in my hand, while sitting on the couch. “Same with me.” He answered beside me and took a bite of his pizza.

It was already dark, and we didn’t have any food, so we ordered pizza to fill our stomachs with something. Besides, it’s also on the Summer Bucket List.

He stared at me.

“You know what I’ve learned a lot about you today.”

“What?” I said while enjoying my food.

“You’re someone to look up to.” I was bedeviled. There’s so much in what he said that lightens my chest. I couldn’t say ‘thank you’ in words, so I just smiled as I softly gazed at him.

His attention caught the family picture on the wall. “Is it your mom and dad?” he asked. I stared at the photo for seconds. “Yeah,” I shortly replied.

“Where are they?” he asked. I just stared at him for a long moment, and it seemed like my mouth was glued, and I couldn’t say anything. Maybe he realized I wasn’t comfortable talking about them. So, he changed his question.

“How did you meet? You and Easton? Was it like in the movies?”

“You’re being too nosy,” I said.

“I just want to know girl’s POVs when it comes to love.”

“You still believe in that?” I asked. “What?” He asked as well.

“Love?” I said, he paused. “As much as it sucks, I still want to believe in it.” He answered.

I stayed silent about his response. I wanted to believe in love too. I stayed silent, because I didn’t know how to answer his next possible question. The question that still stuck in my head. The question I cannot escape.

“Can we talk about something else?” I changed the topic. He stared at me, trying hard to read me.

“Do you love him?” he suddenly asked. I knew it.

His question instantly lapses me to silence. That question wasn’t new to me, but I tried hard to avoid that question forever, but he just shot it like a bullet in my head. I couldn’t escape it. I dropped my eyes and gave him a pretending smile. I answered him with silence. I could’ve lied, like I usually do when I’m stuck in a pressuring situation like this, but I couldn’t. There’s something in Caden’s gaze dominating my walls, as if it was crashing my fear inside me, my fear of getting known.

I just heard him sigh.

“Come with me,” he said in a soft, calming tone and pulled my hand. It left me speechless.

…

We drove from my house to the beach. It was already dark, which makes the waves glimmer from the moonlight. Thousands of stars twinkled in the night sky.

“Come on!” he suddenly said and ran towards the water.

“What are you doing?” I shouted. I watched him as he removed his shirt and dived into the water. I deeply sighed. “Come on!” He kept inviting me.

“Okay fine.” I wandered my sights of the surroundings, and when I found out we’re alone, I removed my clothes and left my undergarments. I could see him watching me from afar as I walked towards the water.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never done this,” he asked.

“No,” I replied instantly. I shivered from the cold water.

He splashed water on me. I was stunned.

“Hey!” I said, but he kept splashing me with water, so I splashed back.

We literally looked like kids, but I didn’t mind it. It’s only the waves and our laughter occupy the quiet night. We stood on the cold water, watching the moon in the sky. It was quiet and peaceful.

“Now I get it,” he suddenly said in the midst of quietness. I looked at him, confused.

“You know, when I saw you on the boardwalk, I badly wanted to ask you, ‘How are you?’ But when I stared in your eyes, it burned bright with pain. So, I didn’t ask, because I think I know the answer.”

What he said got me. In front of him, I just feel so transparent. It’s as if he could easily see the truth behind my mask, my lies and my pretending.

“Did you know I’m a liar?” I said provokingly.

“Yeah.” He nods. “That’s why I didn’t ask if you’re fine, because I know you’re just going to lie.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Because I refuse anyone’s sympathy if I tell them the truth.”

I said, while our gazes locked up on each other. But looking at him, I felt fragile. It was as if I was melting, and I just wanted to cling on to his arms and cry. I looked in the distance, and played with the water to avoid his gazes instead.

“As you know, life was cruel to me.” I laughed in a quiet, scorning way. He just listened to me.

“After my parents died, my life became a misery. And as much as I hate that, I hate being sympathized by everyone more. I hate being seen as weak, so they can’t crumble on me like a piece of garbage being thrown on the ground.”

As I was saying that, I never knew a single tear had dropped on my eye. His eyes caught it dripping on my cheeks, glimmering from the moonlight.

A long moment had passed before he whispered.

“Then I was right.” He spoke. “You’re definitely someone to look up to.” He followed, and smiled softly. It’s one of the most authentic smiles I’ve seen on anyone, especially someone who just knew my dark reality.

He didn’t speak another word. He just let the silence comfort us.

I couldn’t stop but catch a glimpse of him and wonder how the universe made me meet such an incredible person like him. He understood me. He made me realize that even quietness has its comfort. I don’t need to lie. I don’t need to pretend when I’m with him. He brought my silly laugh and made me like the kid I once was. He just didn’t know it, but he made my fear lighter.