TILL MY LAST BREATH

CHAPTER 6: THE APOLOGY THAT NEVER CAME

RAIN

The night was painfully slow and morning felt so far away, but when it finally came it was quiet as the usual days. I sat by my window as I began reminiscing. For once, I didn’t cry when I thought of him. I just felt empty, like the very life of my soul had been taken away.

I had promised myself I would stop caring. I had said it over and over, like a desperate prayer waiting to be answered. But the truth was simple. I still cared. I still wanted to understand why he had done it, why he had kissed me and then thrown me away like I meant nothing.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I wrote him a letter, which I believed was good enough since he didn't want to see me let alone talk to me. A letter was the perfect mode for conveying my feelings at this point without being insulted,

my mind smartly replied.

I started with shaking hands but finally managed to dull my anxiety and continued writing.

“Dear Dale,

I know you don’t want to hear from me or even talk to me. But I need to say this, just to get it off my chest.

You hurt me. You made me feel small. But the worst part is that I let you. I gave you everything I had, and you didn’t even notice when I broke.

I’m not writing this to make you love me because I know you won’t. I’m writing because I need to get you out of my head.

You once told me to stop showing up, to let you go. I will try, but I need you to know that I never meant to fall for you. It just happened. And maybe one day, when you remember me, you’ll understand that what I felt was real, even if you never cared.

– Rain.”

Once I finished, I stared at the paper for a long time. My words looked pathetic and desperate, but they were honest. I folded the letter neatly and tucked it inside a small white envelope.

At school, I waited until the hallway was empty. My heart was racing, my palms sweaty due to anxiety. I slipped the letter into Dale’s locker, careful shut it and quickly made my way out of there before someone saw me and told Dale.

I didn't want to appear as a crazy stalker. That would just make everything worse for me.

All day, my stomach twisted with nerves. Every sound made me jump. I imagined him finding the letter, reading it in silence, maybe even understanding me for once. A part of me, foolish and stubborn, hoped he might come to me after class and quietly apologize to me.

That hope kept me going until closing.

Sarah wanted to walk home together, but I told her I needed to stop by the library first. The truth was, I wanted to check if he had seen it.

As I turned the corner near his locker, I heard loud laughter echoing down the hallway. I froze. The sound made my stomach sink.

Dale was there, leaning against the lockers with two of his friends, Liam and Jayden. My heart started pounding as I realized what was in his hand. The white envelope.

My letter.

It was unfolded and he was reading it out aloud, his voice dripping with mockery.

“You hurt me. You made me feel small. But the worst part is that I let you. I gave you everything I had…”

Liam burst out laughing. “Wow, she really wrote that? You’ve got her wrapped around your finger, man.”

Jayden smirked. “She’s obsessed. You should be careful, she might start stalking you.

Dale laughed softly, shaking his head. “I guess I really got to her, huh?”

I couldn’t breathe. My body felt frozen in place, but inside, everything shattered. The sound of their laughter hit harder than any slap could.

He was reading my pain like it was a joke. My heart, my words, everything I had been too afraid to say out loud, he turned it into entertainment.

For a second, I thought he might stop. That he might notice me standing there. But he didn’t. He kept reading, each word creating a deeper wound.

“I’m not writing this to make you love me because I know you won’t.”

That was the moment I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned and ran.

The hallway blurred as tears filled my eyes. I didn’t know where I was going. I just needed to get away, anywhere but there. I pushed open the side door of the school and stumbled outside, the sunlight almost blinding after the dim halls.

I stopped behind the building, gasping for air. My chest hurt, my throat burned, and my legs shook so badly I had to lean against the wall to keep steady.

How could he?

I slid to the ground and pulled my knees to my chest. The tears came faster now, harder, clouding my vision. I had told him the truth. I had given him every raw, unguarded part of me. And he mocked me for it.

Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I should have known better. Dale was never gentle with hearts like mine. He was the kind of person who built walls and dared people to climb them, only to watch them fall. And I had fallen, dreadfully and miserably.

I wiped my face with my sleeve and forced myself to stand. My body felt heavy, but my chest felt numb. I didn’t want to cry anymore.

When I finally got home, I went straight to my room. Brittany was in the living room, humming to herself while scrolling through her phone. She didn’t even look up. I shut my door quietly and leaned against it.

The silence was too much. I needed something to drown it out. I turned on my small radio, letting the soft sound of a love song fill the room. The lyrics spoke of heartbreak, of holding on too long. It felt like the song had been written for me.

I walked to my bed and saw my journal still open from the night before. I sat down and started writing, the words spilling out.

“He read my letter to his friends today. They laughed. I wanted to disappear. I thought I hated him, but I don’t. Not even now. I should. God, I should.”

My hand trembled as I wrote the last line.

“How do you hate someone who made you believe in forever, even when you knew they never meant it?”

I stared at the page until the writings blurred through my tears.

Later that night, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. My chest felt empty, but in the emptiness, there was still one undeniable truth.

I loved him. Even when he didn’t deserve it. Even when it hurt. Even when he turned my love into a joke.

And that was the cruelest part of it all.

Because no matter how deep the wound, I still couldn’t hate him.