Chapter 9: A Child Of Rape
1144 Words
"I… can't live anymore."
Shadi’s body moved on its own as he grabbed Fahd's arm and gasped. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he screamed his lung out.
Fahd raised his eyebrows, glancing up at him. "What… are you doing?"
"IS THIS THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE?" Shadi gritted his teeth. "I'm… I'M THE SAME! I ALSO WANT TO DIE!"
Fahd's eyes went round, seeing tears in Shadi's eyes. "You…"
"But… When death came to me, I… I didn't want it. When that car was about to end me, I didn't want that! I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE YET!" Shadi lowered his head, wrapping his second hand around Fahd's arm. "I… was so happy and relieved when someone saved me! I still wonder who that blue-haired was! I want to thank him for… saving me!"
Fahd felt his eyes watering as he closed his eyes. "S… Stop it," he whispered.
"It's not you that you want to kill; it's something in you…" Shadi gritted his teeth. "You don't want to die, but you want to change! I know I'm in no place to say this, but I want to you believe me when I do. You… mustn't die yet!"
He used all his force to pull Fahd up. They both fell backwards, hyperventilating and crying. Fahd bit his lower lips and forced a smile. "You… don't even know me. Yet, you're forcing your ideals on me… Who… do you think you are?"
"If you truly wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't have asked me to come with you." Shadi grabbed his collar and pushed him to the wall. "You wanted me to catch you, and part of you still wanted to live."
Fahd lowered his head, shuddering. "You saved my life," he whispered. "I… will never forget this."
Shadi sternly stared at him. "I wouldn't have saved you if that blue-haired man didn't save me. I wouldn't have realized the value of life if that accident didn't happen. I… am no angel. I only did what felt right."
"Felt… right?" Fahd nodded weakly. "What is right anyway?" he whispered.
Shadi stared into the emptiness in his eyes and asked, "What… happened to you?"
As soon as he spoke, he heard Rania's voice as she called for her brother.
Shadi gave him a handkerchief to wipe his tears, but Rania had already seen what happened. She angrily pushed Shadi aside and stood in front of her brother. "How dare you save him?"
Shadi's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"
"He was ready to join the other side! How dare you stop him?" Rania gritted her teeth. "I will curse you for centuries!"
"Your brother was about to kill himself! You are nuts! What kind of sisters pushes her brother to kill himself?!"
"You are an uncultured swine!" Rania objected. "My brother was on the right path, and you stopped him!"
She glanced behind and helped her brother stand. "Please, stand! Carry on! I want to watch you go! Your younger sister is so proud of you!"
Shadi was about to interfere, but he saw Fahd raising his palm towards him, urging him to stop. His hand shaking, he lowered his head and smiled at his sister. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Rania. Not today."
He caressed her hair and leaned down to kiss her forehead, but she slapped him. "You're a disappointment!" She ran away. Fahd swallowed hard and straightened, pressing his cold hand against his burning cheek. He closed his eyes and rested his back against the wall for support.
"Did you really do that to join the other side or whatever?" Shadi stood in front of him. "If yes, then…"
"No." Fahd smiled at him. "I felt terrible and wanted to get rid of the feeling. It was suffocating. I'm fine now, so…"
"No, you're not. You're shaking. Your eyes are begging me to stay." Shadi shook his head. "No way will I leave you in this state. I'm an alcoholic, but I won't turn down someone who needs help."
Fahd's smile weakened. They both sat down.
"I… do." He clenched his fists. "I want… you… to stay."
Shadi glanced down at Fahd's shaking hands.
"My father… raped my mother. I am a child of rape, and so is my sister. He… I still remember her screams, even now, thirteen years later."
"Raping her… Aren't they married?"
"Not every man who signed a piece of paper deserves to be called husband." Fahd's gaze saddened. "He had not an ounce of empathy and love in him. He was an animal. It all happened at dawn. Mom was the type of very forgiving persons. Religion made her too forgiving. She grew up in the countryside, and that also impacted her. In her hometown, everyone knew and loved one another. She also met my father in her hometown but coming to the city changed him. Seeing many different girls and women made him hate mom and bully her all the time, physically and morally. She would always endure, and when I ask her why? She says it is for my sister's and my sake. Rania is too young to remember any of this, and she rarely spent time at home. Mom sent her back to her parents' house without telling them why. I was the only one left. I stared at her, dying slowly every day. I… also stared at my father, who comes home drunk or high every day and beat her up. He would take her money by force to buy drugs and sometimes drug her too, so she becomes more obedient. I remember he once drugged me too because I was crying too loudly."
Shadi was trying his best to hide his shock, but his round eyes said it all.
Fahd closed his eyes and tilted his head backwards. "Hatred grew in me, hatred for everyone and everything. I ended up hating myself and decided to wear the colour of mourning forever. My father hated that and started bullying me too. He called me all sorts of names. Emo. Gay. Girly. Creepy. Failure. Only then did I realize how just one colour can change a person's entire life. It made me hate the world even more and hate myself. The words my mom said kept echoing in the back of my head."
"Which words?" Shadi asked.
"She was enduring all that for my sake. My mother was the purest and most beautiful person alive on the planet. I am not saying this because she endured the pain in silence, but because the amount of patience she had was surreal. She knew it was wrong. She never covered her scars. She told people and asked for help many times, but nobody wanted to help. Even the police didn't interfere. She wasn't like weak women who stay "out of love" or "for thinking they can change their man". She was very strong, the strongest woman I had ever met." Fahd's eyes lit up as he talked about his mother, and then they died again.
“And then… I killed someone.”
- Writer
