Rumors

Chapter 1. "End It" It’s been particularly hard walking down the halls of Monet-High lately. Sure it was never easy but now that everyone is talking about what is written on every bathroom mirror in the school things have become more complicated.  “Cassie Wolf is a sl#t!” “Cassie Wolf = Wh#re” “Cassie Wolf should die!”  So few words, so much damage. I saw it on the first day back from thanksgiving. Everyone looking at me wondering whether I had seen it yet. Walking into the bathroom and finding it there. In large letters with a black marker. I knew who, I knew why, and so did everyone else. But nobody would say anything. Two days into it, the reason for it all came back from his vacation in Costa Rica. While he had been gone I had realized what had happened and I had decided to ignore everyone. He and his friends had gone gossiping about his new "girl" and let my name slip. Then it was everywhere. As a complete outsider, I had not been clued in on the most recent gossip.  The day when Nate Ross had walked back through the gates of hell went like this. I had spent hours that night debating on whether to go to school or not. I knew Nate would be back and had no real enthusiasm to see him. After contemplating it until dawn I decided to screw it. Show them I wasn’t scared. I had no interest in seeing Nate and if I did I would walk the other way. Real brave. Walking through the doors I knew immediately that Nate hadn’t arrived yet. Everyone had their eyes fixed on the door waiting for their king to walk in. I, however, was the next best thing as I had become the schools biggest news. Everyone talking about the weird girl and the discovery of her being a “complete sl#t”. This gossip wasn’t just spreading through the jealous girls who had a crush on Nate but also every teenage guy in the entire school were talking about me. I had become a target not only for nasty names but also for the occasional unwanted attention Soon after I had finally gotten through the maze of staring and laughing students to my locker, the doors swung open. Nates face wasn’t like it usually was in the morning. Where there used to be pride and charm there was now frustration and almost anger. I was prepared for him knowing, but this reaction had taken me by surprise. He ignored the various smiles and greetings his eyes searching the crowd. I knew too late that he had been looking for me and suddenly he was in front of me. I turned to leave but his hand reached for mine. I hesitated. I turned pulling my hand away. I was cornered I knew that he would follow me if I left. I sighed. His eyes were searching mine as if trying to find something. His face had relaxed and now he just looked exhausted and worried. - Are you ok? I wanted to laugh. I was upset and hurt but also confused. I had, since I found out about the rumour assumed that Nate didn’t care about me. After all, a guy like him caring about a girl like me had seemed absurd from the start. But here he was displaying the emotions of someone who cared. -  I’m good. I said shrugging. I was very aware that half the school was watching our conversation. Before he could say anything else an arm went in front of my face. The brown curled hair was unmistakable as she swept in front of me embracing Nate. She was about four inches taller than me but always seemed to make me feel so small. She was Nates biggest fan and future wife according to everyone at school who didn’t know Nate. Just as he was the king she was the queen, it made sense. So when the rumours about me and Nate spread she made sure to make it as destructive to me as possible. He stiffly pulled away from her hug but she grabbed each side of his letterman jacket pulling him affectionately closer. -  Sorry Vi, but I need to talk to Cassie. Violet Wessley turned around in shock acting as tho she hadn’t seen me before. -  Oh! I’m so sorry! What are you two talking about? She asked throwing me a threatening look. Nate looked at her clearly seeing through her bullshit. -  I’m going to go now. I said taking a couple of steps back and turning away. As I walked I felt the eyes of everyone in the hall on me. Nates eyes, however, were the only once I cared about. I spent most of the first period trying not to think about Nate. I was so weirded out about the fact that I had feelings for the first time since grade school. I was good at alone. Being emotionally distant was what I was comfortable with. The text came right after the bell rung. “Usual spot?” “Please.” I sighed thinking it over. Why did I want to see him? Why couldn’t I just push him away? It was usually so easy but not with him, never with him.  “Ok.” I answered. Instant regret pulled over me as I realized that I now had done the one thing I promised myself not to do. I got up to pack my stuff only to almost bump into a very angry Violet Wessely. The room was completely empty apart from her and her friend of whom I didn’t know the name. -  Sorry. I said quietly. She just laughed. -  You should be. Her voice was threatening. - I have to go. I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and pushed past her. -  You do know he is too good for you, right? I stopped at the door not looking back. In my head, a clear voice rang out “yes” as I walked out.  He was leaning against the wall his hands in his front pockets. He seemed tense. I was standing by the ladder I had just climbed to get to the roof. His eyes darted to me as he heard my footsteps approaching. -  Hi. He said, his smile genuine and eyes filled with relief. I hated this. Being this person for him. I couldn’t be. I knew that. I had told him that. I walked up keeping my distance. -  Hi. I answered leaning my shoulder against the same wall he was leaning to. He was staring at me like he could read my mind.  -  I’m so sorry Cas. He said. His face mirroring his words. -  It’s ok. I said quietly. My eyes looking down at the gravel on the roof of the cafeteria building.  He shook his head looking out towards the school grounds a smile spreading across his face. -  I hate that you actually believe that. I sighed following his gaze to the football field. -  I know. I said. I did. The truth was I had never really been angry at Nate. Just hurt at first and then it was just about ending it. I knew I had to. The rumours wouldn’t even begin to stop until I did. He looked back at me. I wanted to kiss him. To tell him I didn’t care about what everyone else thought. I wanted to with all my heart but I couldn’t. I needed these rumours to stop here. If they didn’t... Things would become infinitely more complicated. -  I don’t want to stop. He said. -  I honestly can’t. Cause even if you do end things between us I will still be in love with you. My heart skipped a beat. What? He smiled at my surprised look. -  I wanted to tell you months ago but “it wasn’t the right time”. I couldn’t help but smile. -  You mean like now? He laughed and then just looked at me for a couple of seconds. -  You’re so oblivious to how amazing you are. I looked at him in surprise. -  It’s like you don’t know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Again I felt my heartbeat rising. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know how I felt about him, but I couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t let me go if I did. He would look at me with those ice-blue eyes and smile at me with that smile he only ever showed me. He would completely run down my walls, my protection, and I would let myself be convinced of the obvious. I loved him, I was happy with him. And yet. He turned to face me stepping closer. Our eyes locked and his hand slowly stretching out for mine. I wanted to take his hand, lean in, kiss him, but instead, I pulled away. Instead of looking hurt or confused he just gave me a weak smile. -  Someday. Someday you will decide to let me in, and I will be here waiting. I’ve been waiting since the day we first met. I nodded. -  Someday. I said looking into his eyes. Then I had to leave. I had to take a breath and focus on why.