Rise, Fallen Angels, Children of God

Chapter 18

            And we didn’t really have much then. But now, I am one of the most powerful man, trans-man in the world, especially in Asia, U.S. and Europe, that I can give you everything you want. I can even buy you your own kingdom, my queen Alexa. But I wasn’t able to sleep for days when that kiss happened. I can’t even look at you straight in the eye because I was embarrassed, maybe, shy, yet I still wanted to kiss you so bad, that I always play around and pretend I was just joking around when I accidentally kiss you. Ha ha!, was I a tease and an annoying little brat, that  you always threw stuff or shouted at me, because I snatch a smack especially when there are boys trying to talk to you or be friend with you. How I wished so hard for the gods to tell me what to do. I love you and how can I tell you when you are my best friend in the world. I don’t want to lose you and scram away because of my feelings toward you. Losing you is like losing part of me, my heart. Breathing is just so hard to do without you for you are my air, my love, my life. When it finally came, the day I said I love you, was the time that I lost you too because of the accident in California. That was your birth month. Oh, Alex, my Alex, my love, my baby!. How can I possibly tell you, that I am Jodie. I am the love of your life and I am here. Ahhhhhh! I shouted inside my room at 2 a.m., since I couldn’t take the pain, the longing, the sadness, anymore. How long will I have to suffer? How long will I have to endure this pain of being Gin?.

I was so busy and a month passed just finishing my articles about Paris. I really didn’t have time to think, even about what happened between Gin and I. I wonder what he is doing now? I haven’t seen him for weeks. Hmm!, I thought and out of the blue I dialed his number. Rrrringgg! Rrrrringgg! No answer. I dialed again. Rrrrngg! Rrrnnggg!, He….llo!, a girl’s voice, answering  the cellphone. Hi! I’d like to speak with Gin please!, my voice almost cracking when I asked for Gin. Oh! Hmm!, he’s still sleeping. I can give him the message, who are you again?, the girl asked starting to get irritated. Oh!, that’s okay. I…I’ll just talk to him some other time, I think this isn’t the right time to talk, right! Thank you, good da…I said about to hang up when the girl on the other line spoke. Oh, it’s you, ah! Alex, right!. This is Vina, the one you met at the burger joint, remember me?. Ah! oh! Okay, you. Good, then, Bye!, I added, about to cry when I remembered. She was the hot blonde, Gin’s talent. Vina Vedra is all over the magazines,

internet and T.V. She has become so popular that her songs are all over the place, in France, the U.S. and Europe. Vina is a household name now. Gin really has the gift to make a star. Vina is just an ordinary girl with an extraordinary talent. She sings very well and Jodie can have a perfect match with her. She is like another Jodie Moon on the rise. Hmph! Stop it. What did they do together? Sleeping together? I mean.. it’s none of my business, anyway!, I thought to myself but can’t stop thinking about the possibility of them hooking up and…ahhhh!! Stop it Alex, it’s not your life and don’t be too nosy. I decided to leave my room and tried to knock at Gin’s room. But I was scared or maybe I wouldn’t be able to accept and see them together. Am I jealous? No, it can’t be! Alex, not again, I said to myself while slightly knocking my head on Gin’s door.

Owww!!...my head, it’s so heavy and I feel like, awwwwrk!, running to the nearest bathroom I saw and puking at the bowl…. Oh! You’re awake, good. Here drink this and you’ll be okay, Vina said, handling a glass of water with two aspirins. V….Vina? What the…?, I asked not remembering what really happened last night. Hmm! You are at my place, Gin, and you were so drunk last night. Actually we didn’t do anything, so, don’t worry! Even if I’m really dying to f**k  you. I can’t do that while you’re wasted. I’m not a harasser, much more a rapist. Ha! Ha!. You know, a girl called earlier, ah! yup, Alex was her name. Sorry I needed to answer your cell!. I think you better call her or what, I think she’s a bit upset or something, Vina said honestly. No, no! Oh no!. Thanks but no thank you!!! s**t!. Damn!. She’ll never forgive me for this, I said to myself, really worried about Alex and how she would be feeling or reacting about the whole scene. I almost tripped dragging myself to hail a cab. Now running, hustling my way back to the hotel. F..k! Where the heck is my car, ah! I left it somewhere, but where? Was I too drunk last night I forgot about my car? Because of you Alex, why I drowned myself with alcohol???

I saw myself in the mirror and I didn’t like what I see. I see a scared girl, trying to run away from things and from people that could hurt her. Alex, why are you like this? Always afraid to fall in love, but when you do, you lose yourself in the end. I really need to be cautious. But trying to protect myself from hurt, I end up hurting the people who love me, like Gin, Edmund and Jodie. Why am I like this? Maybe because I was hurt by my first love. However, it’s not good enough

reason for me to shut others out. I need to losen up and see things and people in a brighter perspective. Like Gin for example. Actually I’m not angry with him and I can say honestly to myself that I wasn’t bitter either. I like him but I feel secured of his affection for me. I was shocked about him and Vina ending up together. But I want to know the reason why? I guess, this is the trait I love about me. I don’t easily jump to conclusions, unless I know the whole story. Then when everything’s been explained right in front of my face, I’ll know how to handle the situation and know what to do after. I thought about Gin as a responsible and sweet guy. So I don’t think he will be that reckless and irresponsible. So, I decided to get coffee at Anticafe not far from the Ritz. With their healthy vege meal, I tried their bestseller and ordered cappuccino. I love Paris, there are a lot of restaurants and cafes to choose from. And not all are that expensive. There are some budget meal restos, cafes that still has a nice ambiance. Cool. After breakfast, I was walking back to the hotel but thought of visiting a bookstore. Shakespeare and Company does ring a bells. I love reading Shakespeare’s poems and songs. It’s really romantic. When I was younger, I loved Romeo and Juliet. Then I grew up and watched the movie, ‘Shakespeare in Love’, sad but a great love story. I think I have seen numerous films, from the local movies my grandmother likes to watch, like the Sharon Cuneta and Nora Aunor films. Then I got to admire foreign cuts, most especially English Romance, Horror and Non Fiction Scientific films. My all-time favorites were, ‘Mac and I’ and ‘Labyrinth’. ‘Titanic’, ‘Twilight Saga’ and the iconic, ‘Schindler’s List’. Well, there’s a lot more but there’s no place like home when it comes to having fun watching these wonderful films. I miss my family too, aside from missing Jodie and Edmund. But now, I think I’m missing Gin’s company, more than anything else. Okay, erase him in your memories, he’s all gone to Vina Vega or whatever her last name is…me talking to myself while walking back to the hotel.

Hi! Alex!???, someone called my name not far from where I was. Gi…Gin? Wha…?. I wanted to  talk to you about what happened with Vina. I didn’t sleep with her, I mean I passed out in her couch because I got drunk last night. I didn’t know exactly what happened, but I am telling you the truth, really, Alex, hah, hah!, Gin added gasping his breath. Where did you come from? And why are you like that, you look like a mess, Gin, I said now worried about him since he hasn’t shaved, his hair’s all grown and as if haven’t showered for a while now. Ah this! I wanted to grow a beard to look older, but actually I missed you. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me after happened in the park, remember that night when I kissed you!, he added feeling guilty. Hmm! Not really, I am fine, I was just busy. About that night, it was actually nice!, I didn’t regret making out with you, Gin!, I said with sincerity looking at him straight in the eyes since we are just 5 feet apart now. Okay then,  so…, Gin walked quickly to reply by kissing me in the lips which I was totally unprepared. Hm..ah!, G…!, hmp…. I missed you Alex, I truly do!, Gin added kissing me hungrily now. I can’t move since he hugged me tightly wrapping his arms around me while his lips connected mine and his tongue tasting my mouth. I have no choice but to give in. I missed him too. His mouth smelled like pineapple punch but with minty taste. We stood there in front of the coffee shop, still kissing and as if Gin doesn’t want to let go of his hold of me. G….Ginnnnn, please, stooooo, stop!, I said my knees turning jello and I don’t know if I can keep them from trembling. Good thing Gin is still holding my arms but we are just three inches apart from each other. Okay! I got your point, so please, let’s go somewhere appropriate!?, me raising my brows while giving him a grin. Okay! He he!, Gin said scratching his head still hugging me. So you can let go of me now!. Ah yes ma’am, my sweet!, he added slowly losing his grip of my arms and blushing. My God! He is soo cute, I can kiss him all day, every day, ehem!, Alexa keep you’re composure. The moment he lets go, was the perfect timing I am able to control my legs, and I can stand on my own, now. 

            Back at the Ritz hotel. Gin and I went to his room. He wanted us to watch a movie before…you know, everything else. I am so nervous, because I haven’t made love with someone, yet. Edmund is a gentle man. He wanted us to get married first before doing it. He was very conservative. I told him it’s okay because I am ready. He said, he wants to have me, the whole me after marriage. And well, that didn’t happen because he left even before saying our marriage vows. Now, I have Gin. I don’t know but as if I have known him before. When he kissed me, I thought of the person, one special person in mind that can kiss and make me levitate every time, Jodie. Ah, why can’t you leave me be. Your spirit lingers everywhere I go. You follow me even in my dreams and now Gin.