Sweet and sour addiction

Where did I go wrong? How do I start my life again? What is the reason for all these emotions and suffering? These are the questions ringing in my head as I lay in my bed broken beyond words. Hi! My name is kanz,a Muslim girl in her early thirties and at the time of this events I was in my last year in college. you’re probably wondering how my last year in college has me questioning my own life, here’s how I found myself in that space. It all started In one of those cold October days, but that afternoon? It was hot and tiring! Walking tired and exhausted from work on the afternoon of Wednesday 4th, October 2023, I was heading home from my IT place and then I came across some guys and we made eye contact I said bowing my head “ Good afternoon “ and he greeted me right back And I was already on my way home and then the devil came in “Can you actually stop?” Those were his exact words I guess that was the day my soul was signed off to be broken,maybe I never should have stopped but I did. “My name is Liam” he said to me and I told him I was kanz He asked to exchange contacts and I gave him mine and left the scene, never expected to hear from him or ever meet him again…….except I did, more frequently this time. Days went by and as expected no messages from who I had already forgotten, not until one day got this random person texting and calling me his message read “ I’m the guy from the other day, we met at the junction” oh I remember you hi I said He apologized for not reaching out earlier “ I’ve been sick and I had to make trips to the hospital that’s why” okay good not that you had to explain I was uninterested I would ignore messages and calls from him for days until one night I was heading to the pharmacy with my friends to get after pills Oh I didn’t mention I had a boyfriend while all of these started *Screech* the car packed up beside me “Kanz right?” He asked, I looked at the person who was at the driver seat and I couldn’t recognize him , I actually didn’t know this person So I answered “No” and I felt someone behind He almost touched me And I looked back to see those eyes from that day again “ Oh Hi” I greeted He seemed excited hi I looked so crazy by the way I was wearing 2 different shoes “Hi, how are you ? You wouldn’t reply my messages or pick up my calls” he said Well I’m sorry I’ve been busy with work I wasn’t sorry, I lied “Where are you going, we could drop you” he said and I refused to take the offer cause I didn’t know him “No thank you, my friends are trekking and I have to go meet them” I said Then he said he was gonna walk with me Which we didn’t by the way My friends met me in the same spot and we headed back home and I also promised him I was gonna reply his messages from then on Behold, he texted and i replied and that was the seed sowing of the bittersweet addiction It started with harmless text messages To late night calls and whisperings and laughters, it felt good and soulful I’m not gonna lie It was the deepest I’ve felt in 2 years ( genuine friendship) I thought we had so much in common but I had a boyfriend so I cannot be too close to a male friend so I kept my distance One day on my way from work my friend had just dropped me by the junction and as always I was tired from the work and less sleep *Screech* the car packed right beside me Kanz!” I heard only to see those eyes at the back seat the guy from the other night was at the driver seat and some other guy was sitting on the passenger side “Hi, how are you?” I said….we chatted for a bit and he said he’d love to get me food I declined and it got him mad “ what is wrong with you ?! Why are you being like that? I’m trying to take care of you and you’re rejecting me, I just wanna do something nice for you” okay that snap was unexpected but okay Then swapped seat with his friend and decided to drive us to 11th house and I didn’t come down from the car He bought what he felt I’d like because I asked him and it was spaghetti “ oh thank you so much I appreciate” and he dropped me by my junction and I went home I texted to say thank you that afternoon and that was when he called and I answered the call and we was talking about nothing and everything at the same time He heard me speak pidgin to my friend “ how do you speak pidgin like that? He asked, can you do that again? I just laughed and I refused he said not to speak to him cause he doesn’t want to see me like a guy (very cute and funny) we continued talking and he said something about the hospital and his chest, I asked what was wrong and I told him I also have issues with my chest but I don’t know what was wrong he said “ oh I pray you don’t have any issues close to mine, I have anxiety disorder and it affects my blood pressure” oh I didn’t know how serious that was and to be honest I wasn’t all interested but since then we’d constantly talk and we got closer . My cousin was supposed to get married during those times and I needed to pay some bills for the party His second act of kindness He sent me some money to cleared them and I was so grateful and relieved how did it happen? Yeah I was gonna tell that ……. I was at work and he called when I was free and we chatted for a while then I spoke about that wedding and he asked “how much do you need? I’d send to you” i thought he was joking so I said 18k and he said he couldn’t make transactions cause he had hit his limits for the day but he promised he was gonna send me the money by midnight. Indeed he gave me 20k the midnight and I was grateful I told him thank you cause I felt relieved for real And that day we spoke for a while later that night before I went to sleep in preparation for the next day