Poor Me

Chapter 2

Dylan

I've never cried so hard in my entire life.

I've never felt so broken, so hurt.

It's like every painful thing that's ever happened to me came crushing two times over. It's worse than that time I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend Jinny or when I found her cheating on me 3 weeks later. Or when my dad died of a heart attack when I was 6 years old. Or when I gave birth to the twins after 2 weeks of labour and without any drugs to dampen the pain.

Now it's all for nothing. I went through all that pain only for them to leave me. All the nights I stayed up, the tiredness I felt. All for nothing.

They just...left me.

I clutch the joint urns in my arms covering them with the blanket as I let out another sob that comes deep down my soul. I can feel my heart breaking for them, over and over again. They could have been happy. I would have made sure of it. Made sure they had everything they wanted but now they are gone.

It's been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since I last saw my boys beautiful eyes and toothless smiles.

Cuteness overload non stop.

The first time I saw them I started weeping because they were perfect. I won't hear their laughs and giggles, their crys and nonsensical gibberish ever again.

I cried everyday for the past 3 weeks. I can't help it. It's like someone is repeatedly stabbing me. I feel weak, I can't eat anything and I haven't gone out of my room since I got my babies ashes with me. I've been hogging them even when Tate wanted to do a memorial for them.

I can't let go.

I shouldn't have let mom take them, I should have been a better mother to them. Why did I bring them to earth if I was going to give them away if I got tired. I was stupid and now I'm paying for it big time. I'll pay for it for the rest of my life.

"Babe stop crying. Drink some water you're dehydrated" says Tate but I don't budge from my position. Tate has been taking care of me, making sure I drink, eat and take showers. She's being supportive but I wish she'd leave me alone. I remember when I called her to tell her what had happened. She'd said 'Hey wifey, was about to call you I'll be late today I have a major case I'm working on but when I come back I'm taking my wife and kids for a drive no matter how late it is. It won't be a problem since Kale and Orsy don't sleep much"

I cried again.

I couldn't get one word out, just burst out crying. She'd panicked and asked what's wrong. I didn't answer I just cried right where the first call had found me. She'd come home a few minutes later and found my phone ringing, me on the floor weeping non stop. She answered the phone and I saw the first tears as they fell down her face. I saw the despair the denial in her pretty green eyes. I saw the pain in them. And hurt. She was brave and stronger than me. Took care of everything while I stayed in my room depressed as hell.

My mother has not talked to me every since the accident happened. She couldn't even look at me in the eye. I guess we all need some time to heal. I hope she knows i don't blame her.

"Drink up please. Mica is here to see you at least make yourself presentable."

I drink the water because I am thirsty but I make no move to welcome my friend. She has been coming to be with me every day. Tate even suggested that she moves in for a while but she refused. I knew she would. Mica doesn't like change, she wants a place she is comfortable in to walk around naked in. I don't mind though the only people I want are Kalen and Orson. just them then I'll be fine.

"Hey Babu" I don't answer just keep staring at nothing. She doesn't look hurt or anything, just keeps talking.

"You actually look cute you know just that your eyes are a little puffy and swollen." she puts her laptop beside me "can I watch My Hero Academia, Dabi is so hot but I'd sell my soul to be with Shoto" she says fanning herself.

Yesterday she was watching the one called Naruto and I'm sure she said she'd sell her soul to be with Sasuke and she would gladly mop the ocean just to see Hinatas boobs for atleast a minute. Such a perv. She's amazing though and I think it's was a first time I smiled in a while.

"I ship Deku and Bakugo" she points at the screen "the one with greenish hair is Deku and Bakugo is the one with blonde hair and anger issues"

I move closer so I can see the screen clearly pulling the urns under my arm and swinging the other one around her waist. I can see her smile as she tells me who is who and their life stories.

We watch for what feels like hours and it's safe to say I'm invested. I close my eyes resting them while Mica goes to the bathroom. She comes back and sits instead of sleeping next to me.

"Why did this happen to me Mica" I open my eyes looking at her "Why did I have to lose them. I always try to help others, I'm a good person but this happened to me. They were just innocent little babies"

"I don't know why it happened love but I'm here for you. Whatever you need"

"I need my boys Mica. Please give me that" I can feel hot tears running down my face my eyes sting like a b***h but it's fine I deserve the pain.

"You know I believe in God right and I believe everything happens for a reason" I scoff "You might not see it right now but maybe later you will. All I know is that I'm here for you. Everytime you need me I'll be there to pull you up when you sink in the depts of depression. I can't tell you not to morn the death of their lives but I'm telling you that I'm here while you do it because I don't want to lose you too"

By the time she's done talking she's also bawling her eyes out. "I miss them Babu, I miss my kids"

"Me too love, me too"

She crawls to me and gives me a warm tight hug while the urns are nestled between our bodies. We stay like that for a while grieving for my kids.

"I'm hungry, what do you want us to eat"

"I want ice cream"

"Tell you what, I'll order pizza and we'll eat it then we'll stuff our faces with ice cream after. How's that?"

I shrug because pizza sounds good right now and I haven't been eating much lately.

"You know Dylan, I would never survive without you. You're my entire world."

Before I could answer she takes her phone and starts ordering the pizza.

"The pizza will be here in 20. I ordered your favorite." she smiles "Let's watch another episode to pass time"

"okay"

In 15 minutes the pizza has arrived and she takes the pizza box putting it between us in the bed. She walks out then comes back with bottled water. I drink half the water and then we eat almost all of the pizza. She takes everything to the kitchen then comes back to lie down next to me. We are both silent, just knowing that she's next to me keeps me grounded. I take the urns out under the blanket, giving them a kiss then put them on the night stand. I pull the blanket to my neck then place my head on Mica's chest because I'm exhausted and sleepy. She immediately runs her fingers in my hair. It is so good that before I know it I'm dozing off.

I'm woken up by the sound of my phone ringing. Habibi by Richy Rich plays somewhere under the blanket over me. I make a move to get up but a hand is holding me. I pry it off me and also remove one leg from her hers. She stirs opening her eyes that are pale green now that she was asleep.

"What"

My phone is ringing and I think it under you"

"oh sorry" she moves her body grabbing the phone and giving it to me.

I answer "Hey Tommy"

"Dylan I'm sorry" my breath hitches because somehow I know he's not talking about Kalen and Orson. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.

"She killed herself Dylan. Mama killed herself."