Poor Me

Chapter 13

Dylan

I look at Mica as she lays on the couch her head on my thighs. She has recovered from her injuries but I'm still staying with her atleast until tomorrow, I can't face tomorrow on my own. I shake my head trying to think of something else but that.

I massage her head playing with her hair. She moans closing her eyes and I feel a shiver running down my back. How the f**k did I end up like this. We've always been like this but lately everything she does feels like she's touching certain places that make me want to whimper and squirm. I don't get how all of the sudden I feel my heart beating faster everytime she says stuff like I'm beautiful or that I look good in something.

I am definitely attracted to her but I kinda like Blue too. I mean Mica did say she doesn't want me while Blue is really showing interest in me. She talks to me in a sweet affectionate way and is fun to hang out with. She likes me too so there's that.

I can't just sit still and hope Mica will finally give me a chance. I come with a lot of baggage which no one would want unless they didn't know about it, like Blue. I still can't sleep at night all the nightmares that I have get too much sometimes. I stopped seeing my therapist a long time ago maybe I should get in contact with him again. Maybe I should consider a hobby or maybe try forgiving Tate and Cruse. Maybe I should stop thinking about them.

There goes trying to think about something else.

"Hey why did you stop" Mica whines in her throaty voice that I've grown to find extremely sexy.

"Just thinking sorry"

"Hey what's wrong" she asks worry evident in her eyes.

"I just wonder you know" I sigh playing with her hair again "If I should just forgive Cruse and Tate and move on. I wonder what Orson and Kalen would be like now. I'm sure they would have started to say something even if it's inaudible. I just don't get how I lost everything so fast, so easily. I just don't get what I did wrong" I don't feel the tears in my eyes until Mica raises a hand and wipes them with her fingers.

"It's their birthday tomorrow right" she says in a soft voice.

"Yeah I don't even know what to do. I don't want to cry but I want to celebrate them. I know it's stupid but I wish Tate would be with me but she'll probably forget" I half chuckle half sob. How did me thinking about my relationship with Mica and Blue move to this.

"What do you want to do" Mica asked getting up to look at me.

"I don't know know. I was thinking I should let them go, pour them both somewhere" I tell her hoping she'll talk me out of it. I really don't think I'm ready to do it but at the same time I feel like I have to let go. I can't keep living in the past, I have to move on even when it hurts to do it. "I love them so much and I miss them even more but I feel it's for the best"

"Okay I will support you" she takes my hand in hers like I did with her a few days ago "But I think you should try doing something else to keep them with you. Something you could always remember them by, something to keep on you at all times. I think that will make you feel close to them even when they're are gone"

"But what can I do"

"Put some of their ashes in a locket necklace or rings, your choice, then you can wear it" she looks at me with hope in her eyes and I hope my eyes show her that I think it's an amazing idea. "I love the idea Babu it's great thank you. Why didn't I think of that"

"I can arrange everything if you want I know someone who does these things. Where do you want to pour the ashes" I know she knows that someone because she has some of her mother's ashes in a gold bracelet she wears everywhere.

"I haven't decided but I want it to be somewhere peaceful where I can always go if I want, do you think we can find someplace like that"

"Yeah we will don't worry about it sweetheart" she assures squeezing my hand tighter.

"I have to tell Tate what I want to do she f****d me over but those were her kids too. I can't hide something like this from her"I groan because I really don't want to have to talk to her again.

"I guess you're right. I can contact her for you if you want me to"

"No it's fine, I have to talk to her" I look for my phone finding it under me then I look for Tates number, frowning because I haven't changed it so it's still saved as wifey with a lot of heart and ring emojis. I call her first because I can always change it later. The phone rings a couple of times before it's stops sending me to voicemail. I try again, when I'm about to hang up she answers.

"Hello" comes her voice from the other side.

"Hey Tate are you busy I have something important to discuss with you"

"I have a minute, what's up"

"Tomorrow is the twins birthday so I wanted to let you know that I'll be letting them go just in case you want to be there" I say going straight to the point.

"Sure I'll make time, just send me the time and place" she doesn't even ask how, well I guess she can always find out there.

"Okay if you're sure"

"I am. they were my kids too Dylan and I'd like to send them off with love and care. I hate that we had to lose them but I'm ready to move on. I know you don't think much of me now but I promise I'll be there"

*****°°°°°°°°°°°••••••••••••°°°°°°°°°°*********

She's not here.

After all that speech she delivered trying to make me feel guilty about thinking she doesn't care, she actually didn't come. We waited for her for 30 minutes but she didn't show up. I tried calling her multiple times and left multiple messages but still nothing. I think she forgot or I gave her too much credit to begin with. I was a fool for thinking that if I swallowed my pride and forgot what happened between us for a short while for the sake of our kids she'd do the right thing but no.

I don't care though because I have everyone who I really need here not who I wanted. I need my family and friends not Tate that's why I invited Tommy and Lenny as well as Blue. Mica was always going to be here. She helped with the arrangements and made sure I got the locket necklace that I will keep some of the ashes in. It is so beautiful, it's light blue with black vines and white flowers on the outside then on the inside it's separated into two parts. Each part has ashes and a name on top. It is small but big enough for me.

I love it and I love them. I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that I lost them, a part of me will forever be sad and yarn for them.

I've already poured both the ashes into the lake we found. It's beautiful and peaceful exactly what I wanted. it's not far out of town either so I can always drive by if I want to.

Tears fall freely on my face but I'm smiling because I know my kids are free. I love them and I will never forget them. Mica hugs me whispering soothing words in my ear. Blue on the other side holding my hand. Tate is really stupid for missing this I hope wherever she is, she has a reasonable explanation for this. Not that I'll ask her since I don't plan on talking to her ever again.

This time I won't make any exceptions.