Limitation

I just stared at him blankly. His wearing a black shirt with his maong pants. His hair was a bit mess because he keeps brushing it with his fingers. He seems frustrated and annoyed at the same time while staring outside the car. "You're just kidding right? I just misheard it right?" I hopely asked. He let out a heavy breath before facing me. His eye brows were frowned and his lips was on a line. He's obviously frustrated. "You heard it right, Azeah. Let's break up. I don't feel any special towards you. I'm sorry, but I think you're not enough for me." I stared at him with disbelief. How could he said to me that I'm not enough to him?! After of all we've been through? After all the memories we spent together... he just said that in front of my face?! How could he? How dare he? I hold my emotions not to burst out. "I'm not enough to you? How can you say that, Derick?! We've been together for three years for Christ sake! How could you say that in front of my face?! Huh?!" I hope that he will just trying to joke around. That he will laugh hard after seeing my reaction like what he always do back then. But I'm wrong. My thoughts are wrong because he just stared at me with sadness in his dark eyes. "I know I'm hurting you now, Azeah. But I don't want you anymore—I don't love you anymore." I couldn't control my right hand to slap him hard on his left cheek. I'm in pain right now but I don't want him to see me crying. As long as I can hold my emotions, I will hold it. "You're such a dumbass!" I breathe harshly. "Give me a reason, Derick! Give me a damn reason to break up with you, dumbass!" His car was tented and soundproof so I'm confident to shout to him limitless. He throw his eyes on my side, avoiding my eyes on him. It takes minute before he open his mouth to answer my question. "I fell to another... " Feels like I'm in a paused. Feels like my world stop turning. I'm like a video that stopped because of network error. I heard it right? He... He fell to another. It's like an unlimited voice in my ears that hanging in my mind down to my heart and crashed it. It hurts. I thought that I will be hurt just by those words but I'm wrong again. Because when the moment he opened his mouth... "I fell to your cousin... Vienna. She completes me, Azeah. The only one that you didn't make. To complete me." I slapped him hard and slapped him again until I couldn't count it. He didn't complain and just accept all my hands on him. The emotions that I've been holding was now bursting out. I don't want him to see me like this but I can't hold it anymore. His words was so damn painful for me to act blankly. He... He fell to another woman. And it hurts me more to know that it's my cousin! He fell in love to my cousin because I didn't do complete him?! Aren't he contented of what I've done?! Are he expecting me more?! For three years... I thought that I'm enough. I thought that he will not look for another because I'm enough to him! How f**k my thoughts is! "Bakit si Vienna pa ha?! Why? Because she's good in bed?! I didn't know that you're a jerk now, you moron! I thought that you have a high standards! But damn my imaginations! You fell to a girl like her?! A play girl that just playing around?! A girl that keeps hanging with different guys she sees?!" "Stop it now, Azeah! I love her! I'm in love to your cousin!" I stopped giving him a punch but I stared at him with anger in my eyes. Feel it bastard. "I thought you're a sugar that I wouldn't get enough to eat. But you prove yourself now, dumbass. You're just a kind of disease that hurting me now, moron! How dare you to fell to my cousin? For all people that you can replace from me—si Vienna pa?" He didn't stared at me back. Nakatungo lang ito habang tinatanggap ang mga hinanakit ko sa kaniya. "We've been for three years, Derick! How can you throw all that?!" I wiped my tears and held his chin up that made him startled. I sadly smiled to him. "Bring me home now, Derick. Bring me to my place just what like you've been doing back then. I will pretend that I'm not in pain right now—just by this time. And I promise...that the moment I'll step my foot out of this car of yours...I will forget everything. I will try to forget you.." I will try. His words, I think, was enough for me to stop. Maybe I'm not lucky in my first love. But I don't think I can find another man to replace him. He completed me. I know that it's really hard to forget him but I will try. The moment that I step out of his car...I will forget everything and start building my self. Maybe I will just keep our break up to me and me only. I don't want them people to give their sympathy to me and made me feel their concerns. Maybe I can get it on my own. Love. Love is s**t. Love is everything bad words.