The Other Luna

Day 20

I stared and looked at the ceiling for a long time after that. I was still tired and all I wanted was to sleep, nevertheless, I laid wide awake. In ten days, it was over. Aidan would decide between me and Olivia. Now that I thought about it though, I wasn't sure if I wanted Aidan to be with me.

Yesterday, I had thought about rejecting him and I had suddenly entered a coughing fit. Was this a sign that I shouldn't reject him? I was so tired of waiting. I was always waiting, and he was never coming. He wasn't worth it, but as I said this my wolf whined a little. I took a deep breath. The doctor had told me what was happening. I knew that the reason I couldn’t sleep was because of him. All I had to do was reject him and our bonds would be severed forever, and I would no longer be tied to him, thus letting me sleep. But was rejecting him worth it for sleep? Then I wouldn't have a mate.

I had put a lot of thinking into this. There were so many possibilities, so many what-ifs and things to consider. This wasn't only about love anymore. It was about being able to live with myself knowing that Olivia was forced out of her position, this was about forgiving him, this was about being able to live with him for the rest of my life. At this point, Aidan hadn't done anything to show me that he was worth it, and I was seriously considering the rejecting option.

As a child, all I wanted was a mate. My parents were the perfect couple although they did not love me. I had seen many people find their mates, including my brother and I had always believed it would be a magical moment. When I would find my one and only and we would live happily ever after, but I guess not everybody gets to live happily.

As much as I wanted to reject Aidan, I didn't want to be alone forever. I wanted someone to always have my back. This is what brought me to the topic of second chance mates. It has happened in the past, but not to everyone. There was always a chance that I wouldn't find anyone after Aidan.

I tried to shut my mind off and rest it. I was working hard at trying to not think about anything and recreate the illusion of sleeping, while not actually being asleep. I tried to slow the sound of the heart monitor by holding my breath. They had hooked me up to it this morning when they realized I had gone far too long without sleep.

Did this experience make me a stronger person? I would only be able to tell after I had recovered. If I ever recovered.

Suddenly Cole walked into the room with a big smile on his face but as soon as his eyes landed on me his smile turned into a frown.

"I have good news, Aidan found the missing pack members" I smiled slightly. He licked his lips as if getting ready to ask a question "Did you kiss anybody yesterday?" My eyebrows shot up,

"What?"

"Never mind" He turned to leave

"No come back, what do you mean" He explained to me the plan the doctors and he had created to get Aidan's attention. "Don't you think you should have told me about this?" He swallowed.

"Probably" I nodded my head.

"Yes, you should have. On a different note, why didn't you kiss me?"

"Well, we got a call from Evan saying Aidan had a sudden change of heart and that we didn't need to kiss you anymore"

"What changed his mind?"

"We're not sure. I was thinking it had something to do with you"

"I was wondering if rejecting him would benefit me more" At that his eye widened slightly.

"But what about your mate" Cole used to have a mate, I guess he wouldn't understand why I wouldn't want mine.

"It's a poisonous relationship. I can't do it."

"I understand" Although he said these words, I knew that he didn't.

When he left the room, I took out my phone and listened to music. I was beginning to get used to not being able to sleep, which was probably an extremely bad thing. Sighing unhappily, I brought one leg out off the bed and then the other. A few minutes later, I was up and ready to go. My bones creaked, and my muscles ached as I took a few steps. I stretched for a few more minutes, then grabbed my phone off the table, music still playing in my ears and left the room. I was praying I wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of my walk and just collapse. I was feeling a lot more energetic than I had felt for the past few days. I decided to go outside since I hadn't had any fresh air in a while.

I wasn't wearing any shoes and I didn't bother to put any on. I could feel the dirt between my toes as I ran through the field. Eventually, somebody would notice I was missing and come after me. The field I was running through was a cornfield, the crops only reached my knees.

When I reached what I thought was the middle of the field I lay down and looked at the clouds floating in the sky. It was a weird sensation, knowing that nobody knew where you were, and nobody would be able to find you unless you wanted them to. For a few moments, I could disappear from the world and that was all that mattered.

A fly buzzed near my face and I swatted it away. The feel of the sun warming my face was something I hadn't felt in a long time, the humid air completely surrounded me. It didn't take me long to fully relax and fall asleep.