In His Eyes

Chapter 12

I guess waking up with someone right in front of your face. It just feels right, I guess.

I looked at the person sleeping beside me as I felt myself smile. I traced the map of his face. From his morning hair to his closed eyes and long lashes. His prominent nose that I want to touch, and lastly those luscious cupid bow lips. How I wish to have those touch mine, just to know how it feels.

I touched his hair and patted his head. I chuckled as he stirred himself in his sleep. He moved closer and his nose brushed against mine. I felt myself heat up at his sudden unconscious action.

I removed my hand from his head and continued observing his face. This is not good for my health, I thought to myself.

I closed my eyes and heaved out a sigh.

"I won't get tired waking up to this," a voice suddenly said from beside me. I looked at him and raised my brow at him. He chuckled at the sight and I gave him a smile.

"Good morning to you too," I said, facing him this time. I was lost in thought as I kept my focus on him.

"Good morning," he greeted as he flashed a smile. I smiled at him, as he closed his eyes and grabbed my waist, going for a hug. "I want to sleep more," he said, hugging my waist.

I laughed and nodded as if he's looking. Without any consciousness left in me, I suddenly brushed his hair away from his face. He smiled with his eyes closed and so did I. I parted his hair to show his face more. What I would give to wake up to this every day.

I brushed his cheeks with the palm of my hands as I felt him smile wider.

"You're really not letting me get any sleep, huh?" he said with his eyes closed. I chuckled at his comments as I remove my hand from his face and just watched him.

I heaved out a sigh and he opened his eyes when I did so. He looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged my shoulders.

As much as I want to continue what I have with Max, I just can't shrug the feeling that this isn't right. Having this feeling without any labels. For once in my life, I wanted to slap a label on something more than anything.

I sat down as he looked at me in a confused manner. I'm sorry Max, my head is playing games with me again.

I looked at him and flashed an uneasy smile. I closed my eyes with my back leaning on the bed's headboard. I hugged my knees and closed my eyes.

I felt Max move and I looked at him. "What's wrong?" he asked with a worried face.

"Are we really friends?" I said, confronting him. I'm sorry Max, but I can no longer wait. I looked at him, even I am uneasy with my question.

Suddenly it was a staring contest with him not answering my question. With every second passing, I felt my heart shattering. I swallow the tears that were about to fall.

"I–" he started, suddenly interested in the ceiling. I felt a sob coming, but I got to be strong, I am not a weak person. I'm not weak because of what I am feeling, you can't turn me into this Max.

"It's a simple yes or no question, Max," I said, impatient with his answer. I bit my lip as I felt him move into a seat. He cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

"Yes," he answered. So, this is what I got for being so foolish. I smiled at him and moved a centimeter away from him. I can feel the tears about to roll so I decided to close my eyes.

"That's good to know," I said before sitting on the edge of the bed. I sighed and looked at him. I was so foolish thinking that we're more than friends. "I just assumed that we were more."

With that I stood up and looked at him, holding back the tears that were about to fall. I felt a sudden pang in my chest, and I know it's my heart shattering.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, looking at him, I smiled and left the room without hearing anything from him anymore. I just can't stand any longer to be there in the same room with him. I opened the door to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

I want to punch the person reflecting in the mirror so bad. You just have to fall in love with a person like him, right? I didn't hold the tears any longer. I was a mess. But I wasn't his mess. I wasn't his mess from the beginning. This is all my fault.

But hey, we're friends. I was just the one assuming that it was something more, or it could bloom to something more.

I looked at the person in the mirror and smiled. Now how do I get rid of the puffy eyes to not look like I was crying?

I went out of the bathroom with a sigh and went to look for Philip. He was laughing with Dani and Tim when he saw me. He put on a worried face and I motioned him to meet me outside.

"What's wrong?" he asked the moment he reached me. I smiled at him and said it's just a hangover. I looked at him and shook my head.

"I want to go home," I said, sitting down on the outdoor bench. I can't spend my time here any longer.

"Sure, I'll go tell Dani and get Max," I suddenly felt a pain somewhere in my heart. I forgot that we came with Max. I just nodded and closed my eyes as he went inside again. I just want this heartache to be over with.

~*~

"I'm sorry for the stupid s**t I said. You ordered fun, I served you threats."

The song played in my earphones. I looked outside of the car as there was silence inside. No one was talking and it was better this way.

"It's probably good you left 'cause I finally admit."

I closed my eyes and feel the song run through my system. I should have never asked that. Look where it got me.

"I like you, I like you, I like you. Sorry, I never meant to."

I looked at him and caught him staring at me. I smiled a bitter one at him and he frowned at that. I know he feels the same, but maybe friendship is all that he can offer me.

"But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say. One look at you and I won't have it any other way."

I felt a tear escape my eye as I quickly wiped it off. I can't be this weak. I was never one to cry because of a person. Oh Max, look at what you did to me.

"I want you to want me, too. I know that I signed up for this casually."

This song is even singing what I am feeling. What a clown I am for thinking that he too wants something more. He didn't even comment anything when I said I assumed that we were something more.

"But I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I decided to just sleep the whole ride. I'm the only casualty in this war that I'm fighting. It's like fighting a gun with a sword. How can I win, anyway? I brushed off the heavy feeling. I guess this is what I get for being brave enough to ask the question.

~*~

Philip woke me up the moment we arrived at his house. He bid his farewell and gave me a worried look.

"I'll call you when I arrive," I said, assuring him. He just smiled weakly and went inside his house. I sighed and cursed at myself for getting my best friend worried.

The ride that was supposed to be short felt long. Every minute felt like hours and I just can't stand this any longer. The moment we arrived at my dorm I quickly went outside to the trunk to get my bag. I looked at Max and said my goodbye.

"Wait," he suddenly grabbed my hand. "I'm really sorry," he said with a low voice. I smiled at him to assure him that it's nothing.

"Don't worry, we're friends," I emphasized the last part, feeling my heart shatter once again. It's my fault for falling for someone like him. I never even told him I like him that way, I guess it's better to bury these feelings with me.

"Still," he started, opening the door of his car. "I'm still sorry," he said getting inside. I waved him goodbye and didn't look back anymore.

I threw my bag on the floor and jumped on my bed. I screamed at my pillows and let the tears flow. Why did I have to ask that, I should have just let these feelings die with me or waited for him?

This is why I suck at waiting games. Maybe in his eyes, we were something more, but I can't have any more non-assurance feelings get to me. I'll get stronger, this is just my first love.

I felt my phone beep and looked at the message.

Max: still friends?

I laughed at his message and sighed. Maybe this is all I can have. Sure, I didn't confess that much, but it was enough. He doesn't need to know that I really like him, he just needs to know that I wanted something more. But not everything I want I can get, so there's that. I typed my reply and sent the message.

Axel: still friends.

~*~