Many Words In Silence

Chapter 19

After Lucy’s words, I had not expected Llaluna to be this polite, but there I was, in her kitchen where she was making a cup of tea for each of us.

“Please sit. I don’t like it when people stand like this. It disrupts the energy in my home,” Llaluna said as she set down the cups of steaming tea in front of us.

I immediately sat down. I have learned that with Llaluna it might be better to be polite and sit down. Especially before Lucy starts screaming at her again. I want to be out of the way before a fist fight starts up.

I pulled the hot cup of tea closer and smelled at the fumes coming from the cup. Rosemary. Not something I have ever had, but it is a smell I know. Sam loves using rosemary when he cooks chicken.

“Don’t drink it,” Lucy said as I brought the cup to my lips. “You never know what spell this witch has put on the tea.”

Llaluna gave a gasp as if she was highly offended, but her eyes kept lingering on Lucy with so much hate that I would not be surprised if she did at least curse Lucy’s tea.

“You obviously do not know anything about spells and how they work,” Llaluna muttered between clenched teeth.

“Oh, shut it,” Lucy said. “Rather tell me… Is my dad here?”

I could see the shock passing over Llaluna’s face. Something much bigger was going on here.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Why on earth…”

“I know you have been having s*x with my dad since forever, you cheap slut,” Lucy lashed before Llaluna could even finish her sentence. “My mom told me everything.”

“Everything?”

I couldn’t be sure, but was it fear crossing over Llaluna’s face.

“Everything,” Lucy repeated. “Everything from the very first time she caught the two of you, up to the fact that I actually have two siblings that crawled from your diseased womb.”

The hate in Lucy’s voice was seeping out like poison. It was like she was quietly saying every word, and at the same moment, spitting it out like it was shaving blades that was hurting her mouth from the inside.

“I am sure I don’t know what you are talking about,” Llaluna said as she stood up from the table, turning her back to us in order to stare out of the window.

“Don’t pull that crap with me. My dad wants to divorce my mother in order to be with you.”

This made Llaluna turn around. She might have been pretending to know what Lucy was talking about, but she was really not aware of recent developments. Of that I was certain.

“Markus wants to divorce Ellen?” Llaluna asked, her eyebrows raised, mouth hanging open. It was the first time I have ever heard Lucy’s parents’ first names. It suited them in their mansion up on the hills where they could look down onto the unwashed masses.

“Not wants. Is busy to,” Lucy hissed. “And it is all because of you, you old b***h. And because that is not enough I now have to find out I’ve had two brothers all along. One of whom is dead because of you!”

What was a very unpleasant discussion was turning into a heated accusation. Lucy knew how to get the conflict out of someone.

“I didn’t kill Blake. He did,” she said in a calm voice pointing toward me, clearly not wanting to let her emotions overrun her.

“No he didn’t! It’s all your bloody fault. Maybe you should have been the adult who raised out her hand to a child in need instead of wanting to keep Blake away from him. You should have embraced him. But oh, no, you were to damn selfish. Wanting to keep your boy away from the person he loved, and away from his sister!”

I wanted to put my hand on Lucy’s arm. Maybe to show her that I was standing behind her on everything she was saying. On the other hand I was scared that she would slap me if I tried to touch her. I have seen Lucy angry before. I have seen her throwing tantrums in shops when they did not have her size, or screaming at a perfumes salesman because her favourite perfume has been discontinued. I have even seen her in a heated fight with her mom about her grades, but in all of that Lucy remained the crazy person I knew and loved, not this mad person who was trying to hurt Llaluna as much as she possibly could.

“I did not kill Blake!” Llaluna yelled as she banged her open hands onto the table, making the tea spill from the cups that still stood untouched.

“Yes you did! So admit it! Admit you killed my brother!” Lucy screamed as she raised herself from the chair she was occupying.

“No! I loved him! I didn’t kill him! He did!” she screamed back, pointing at me once more.

“Shut up! Just shut the f**k up!” Lucy yelled back.

There was so much information coming from them that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend it. Blake is Lucy’s brother? Does that mean that Fynn is her brother as well? Didn’t they have fathers who wanted nothing to do with them? Fynn told me about his father, and his father was not Blake’s father at all…

“Stop it! Both of you! Just stop!”

I surprised myself with my outburst. Somehow I have moved from the seat I was sitting in to the other side of the kitchen near the door that led us into the room that I never wanted to see again.

Both of them, surprised by my outbreak stopped fighting and looked over to me.

“Is it true?” I stated the question to Llaluna. “Was Blake Lucy’s brother?”

Llaluna sank back into her chair, leaving Lucy and me standing. She put her face into her hands and mumbled: “Yes.”

Her answer was soft, but still loud enough for us to make out what she had said.

“Okay…” I said as I reached my hand to the kitchen counter next to me, stabilizing myself. “Is Fynn also Lucy’s brother?”

“Yes,” Llaluna repeated into her hands.

“Does Fynn know?”

“No.”

I have never known Llaluna to be this much without words. She never gave short answers. She was always talking to some spirits only she could hear, and now, here she was clearly not knowing what to say.

“Did Blake know?” I asked.

This time Llaluna wasn’t given a chance to answer, because Lucy answered for her.

“Blake knew. He wasn’t one-hundred present certain, but I am sure he knew,” Lucy said as she also took a seat at the table.

“How do you know?”

“He told me so one day, not long before everything happened. He told me that I was a sister to him. That we were blood. I thought he was joking, maybe just being a kid like we all were at that stage. But now I know it was more than that,” Lucy said calmly. She was sure he knew. I could see it in her eyes.

“And then this b***h tells makes me abort my child because I am a slut. At least I didn’t make a baby with a married man – twice.”

The hate was back in Lucy’s voice. The same hate she has had for months now, after she got rid of the baby that was growing inside her. I have gotten used to it, tried to comfort her as best I could, but for the most shopping was the only way to truly calm her down or get her out of the house on those days where she wanted to either stay in bed or destroy everything she saw.

“How do you fit into that?” I ask, my eyes now fixed on Llaluna.

“She’s not fit to be a mother. Look at her,” Llaluna said, raising her face from her hands, making direct eye contact with me, leaving me to want to look away, but I do not break her gaze.

“I told Fynn I was pregnant,” Lucy said from her chair, ignoring Llaluna’s words. “He said he would help me to take care of the baby. He said he would raise the kid like his own. I wasn’t ready to be a single mom.”

I could feel my legs turning into water underneath me. I needed to sit down. This was too much for me.

“When this b***h found out about it I guess she made the assumption that it was Fynn’s baby, didn’t you?”

I would have been too scared to look at Lucy, but Llaluna turned her head.

“It wasn’t Fynn’s?”

“No you daft moron! It wasn’t Fynn’s baby! I didn’t sleep with my f*****g brother, because he likes d**k!” Lucy started screaming at Llaluna again.

“What?” Llaluna asked, her mouth hanging open.

“You heard me! It wasn’t Fynn’s baby!” Lucy screamed, rising from her seat once more. “He was just trying to help me!”

“But the cards said…” Llaluna was white in the face.

“To hell with your bloody Tarot cards! They mean nothing! You were wrong! You were wrong about everything! You were wrong about Elijah and Blake, and me and Fynn, and even yourself, my mother and my father! You have been wrong all along!”

I didn’t even see the cup Lucy had taken from the table until it shattered against the wall, leaving pieces of fine china and rosemary tea all over the floor.

“You killed my baby! You told my father that I was pregnant with my brother’s child! You were the one who made him force me to kill a baby, and I am the one that needs to live with it for the rest of my life, while you go on to f**k married men for the rest of yours. You don’t even want to take responsibility for the son you killed, so I don’t even know why I am here. You won’t take responsibility for the baby I have lost either.”

By the time Lucy was done she was panting. She wasn’t screaming anymore by the end. It was more of an angry, hoarse whisper that came from her. It was sadness. Sadness for losing the one thing she wanted that money could not buy – true love.

“You are a terrible person,” I whispered as Llaluna’s eyes found me once more from across the kitchen. “I never want to see you again for as long as I live. I never want to hear your name. I don’t want your warnings and I don’t want your forgiveness for Blake anymore. You are a child killer. You are behind all of this all along. I would not be surprised if somehow you knew what my parents were hiding as well. You seem evil enough to have known.”

I walked over to Lucy and picked her up by the arm, steadying her against me, moving slowly toward the exit. As I led Lucy through to the front door I turned around and walked back into the kitchen where Llaluna was sitting, tears streaming down her face.

I walked over and crouched down in front of her.

“Can you hear me?” I asked and waited for her to nod before I continued. “Good, because I want you to listen to every word I will be saying right now. When you saw me at your front door a few days ago, I wanted nothing more than closure and maybe even your forgiveness for what happened to Blake. That was what I needed in my life. Blake’s death has made me very ill for a very long time, and I needed to get better in my own way. Nod if you understand what I am saying.”

I counted sixteen counts before she finally nodded her head and I could continue.

“I do not feel responsible for Blake’s death anymore. I will always love him, I swear I will, but I need to move on with my life. And I want his lock of hair back. You do not deserve to keep it.”

I waited until she unclasped the locket from her neck that I left on her kitchen table.

“Thank you,” I said as I took it from her hand. “Now you forget my name, and forget that I ever existed.”

I stood up and walked out the door, not looking back once to Llaluna or the pink door I closed behind me. Heading to the pink Mercedes I can’t help but wonder where I got the courage to say what I had said.