Many Words In Silence

Chapter 12

I feel like the very first time that I ever went on a date and I can’t help wishing that Lucy was here right now. I am furious to admit to myself that I actually miss the b***h, but I can’t help it. She would’ve taken me out shopping, picking the best new outfit that would make me look like the best me I could ever be. This time however I was stuck without any of my cool clothing with me, and without Lucy’s fashion sense that never seemed to disappoint. Instead I was sitting here with a fifteen year old kid that today just seemed to follow me home from the coffee shop, just expecting that he would be sleeping in my hotel room again tonight. Sure, I didn’t mind, but he could have asked.

“So you like Fynn?” Timothy asked me as he crossed his legs on the couch. He had a backpack in front of him this time. I had no idea when he went to wherever he went to get some things, but here he was, bag and all.

“I don’t think I like him. There’s just something interesting about him that I would like to find out,” I answered, trying my best not to think about Fynn’s incredibly sexy jawline that just asked to be kissed.

“Almost like you find me interesting?” Timothy said with a smile. I could see he was fishing for compliments, but I had no intention in giving in to his flirting.

“You followed me here today. I think I know everything I want to know about you.”

This was a lie. I might not have any intention to get too close to Timothy, but I also had a desperate need to find out his story. There was something about him I just could not ignore.

“That’s what you think,” Timothy said. I could see he was trying to be cocky, maybe thinking about Fynn he thinks that’s the kind of guys I like. He was failing miserably, since his scrunched up face only made him look cute in a sweet boyish way.

“Look, I can’t deal with you right now. I need to get dressed and ready. Fynn’s going to be here in half an hour and now I still need to take care of you,” I said and I meant it. I felt like I needed to take care of Timothy. Make sure he was okay and not getting into nonsense while I was away on my date. “Have you eaten today?”

“Yeah. I had some fries this afternoon,” he answered as he took a chocolate bar from his backpack and started unwrapping it.

“Fries and chocolate is not food,” I said. I sounded like Sam saying it and it made me a little bit sad. He would’ve probably been very proud at me at this moment for saying what I said. “We need to get you some real food.”

“Pizza is real food right?” Timothy said with a twinkle in his eye. You would swear he was a kid trying to take chances, which he probably was.

“Yeah sure…” I answered, not wanting to get into a debate about nutrition. “It’s better than having chocolate for dinner in any case.”

“You know you get dessert pizza’s now right? They are covered in chocolate sauce and smarties,” Timothy said with a smile.

“No chocolate pizza,” I said as I took a note out of my wallet and planted it on the counter. “Get something decent. A meat surprise or something.”

I felt like a parent. It was a weird feeling, needing to worry about someone other than yourself. Not being able to just be some bad example because you know there’s a kid watching you.

“Yes daddy,” Timothy said with a seductive smile, opening his legs a bit, showing me he definitely meant it sexually.

“Stop it,” I start saying as a car hooted outside the hotel. Probably Fynn too lazy to walk up to my room. Maybe not a bad thing either since Timothy is here. Fynn would probably think I decided to arrange a threesome just for him and that was the last thing that was on my mind. The only reason why I was going on this date was to get answers. Nothing more and nothing less.

“Stay in the room. Don’t leave and wander off. I saw the takeout menu in the kitchen somewhere so just phone and have them deliver,” I said as I pulled on a new sweater I bought the day before. “And for f**k sakes, behave yourself. Stay in your clothing unless you have a shower, and then dress in there before you come out. I don’t want to walk in on your naked ass again.”

I meant the last part as a joke, but it came out sounding pretty serious. Almost to the point where I was sure that Timothy thought I was preaching at him.

“Yes sir,” Timothy said, diverting his eyes back to the television in the corner. “Enjoy your date.”

“I will,” I said as I stepped out the door and closed it behind me, leaving a teen I have known for little over twenty four hours in a hotel room I was responsible for. I could only imagine what Michael and Sam would have said.

I stood against the outside of the closed door for a few moments entertaining the thought. Michael would probably say that I could hardly look after myself, so the idea of me looking after someone else was absurd. He would call me irresponsible for leaving Timothy in the room, and even more irresponsible for being stuck in this hotel room with no actual plans for the next few days. Sam would’ve taken my side, causing Michael to fume from the ears. Sam would call me a good soul, but would be worried about what this emotionally means to me. He would be worried that this might be hurtful, or some other type of disorder sticking out its ugly head. He would probably also give me a speech about Timothy being underage and that I should not have s*x with him.

I smiled as I walked down the hallway. When Sam sees me again I would be better. And then I will tell him this story and what I was thinking in this moment and I know he would laugh with me. Probably still giving me the entire speech although it’s not happening anymore and there would be nothing I could do with his words anymore. Still, it would be nice just hearing his voice and it does make me sad that I haven’t heard from him yet.

Fynn was waiting in a different car than before. This time a red Mustang. Even his cars were cocky.

“I thought you’d never come!” Fynn yelled from the window as I approached the car. “I was sure you ditched me and I have no idea how I would’ve gotten over that.”

“I’m sure you’re used to guys standing you up,” I said as I opened the door to the passenger seat.

“Nope! It’s never happened to me. I mean think about it logically. Who would stand up a face like this?” Fynn said, showing teeth as he smiled.

I could see nobody wanting to stand up the face, but I had my doubts when it came to his overconfident attitude.

“Let’s just get this over with,” I said with a sigh, a part of me regretting the date already, no matter how good Fynn looked and smelled.

“There’s no getting this over quickly. I have a perfect night planned for us. And who knows? You might even want to invite me back to your hotel room after,” Fynn said as he started the car.

“That would never happen,” I said out loud. In my head I added; “Because my body belongs to Blake. It always has and always will.”

I touched my neck, wanting to feel Blake close to me, only to remember that I left the only physical piece I had off him on Llaluna’s kitchen table before I stormed out. The idea made me sad, but I kept my cool as the car moved out of the car park and slipped down the street.

“So, where are you taking me?” I asked, more to make conversation than actually trying to figure out where he was taking me. To be honest I didn’t really care where we were going. I already knew nothing was going to happen. After I saw him earlier I had already made a decision that no matter what, I would never date Fynn. He might be easy on the eye, but I don’t think I could sit with another person who thinks they are god’s gift to humanity.

“That is my surprise, but I promise romance in a way you have never seen it before,” Fynn said not taking his eyes of the road.

What he said made me think about Blake and our first date. A concert. Songs just meant for me and nobody else. There was no way anybody would ever be able to top that in this lifetime.

“Sure,” I answered not knowing what else to say. How could I explain to Fynn that he would always have to compete with a dead guy who was perfect in every way in my eyes?

“I am serious. What I am doing tonight I have never done for anybody before, and I have been on a lot of dates in my life,” Fynn said, his cocky grin still all over his face as if he is expecting me to swoon already.

“That’s nice,” I answered looking out of the window at the lamp posts flashing by. The sun went down really quickly. “I haven’t been on a lot of them.”

The truth be told, the last date I went on was with Blake. I tried coffee with a guy or two over the years, but I would hardly call it a date. Mostly I left before I even gave them a chance.

“So how many boyfriends have you had?” Fynn asked, taking his eyes of the road for a second to look at me.

“One.”

“Wow… Only one guy? Guess that must be cool. Why did you guys break up?”

His eyes were back on the road and I got the feeling he was just trying to make conversation.

“He died,” I whispered. Why did I need to be reminded of Blake all the time? This was why I couldn’t get better. Everything was a reminder. Everybody wanted to talk about it. I could already hear the next question coming from Fynn. How did he die?

“That’s heavy. But I promise that tonight I will make you forget all about it,” Fynn said and gave a little laugh.

This made me think that he was maybe different than all the others. Maybe he would be the one to bring me back from my everlasting sorrow that filled every corner of my existence.

“Let’s see. I’m not counting on much. I might have hoped for more if the host was a bit nicer,” I said in a sarcastic tone. I needed to make the air a little bit lighter.

“Well, now how is being mean? And here I thought I was the best thing that has ever happened to you,” Fynn said, again taking his eyes of the road for a few seconds. The road was quiet but it still bothered me that he did it.

“If I was to give you another compliment your head would swell so large that we wouldn’t possibly both fit in this car. So don’t be prissy because I am trying to deflate it,” I answered with just as much sarcasm dripping from my mouth.

“Well excuse me,” he said as he started to slow down the car just a little bit out of town. “We’re here.”

In the middle of nowhere on the side of the road he pulled over. The street lamps were long gone behind us and all that I could see was trees and dark paths beneath them. Was this truly a date or did he need somewhere nobody would hear me scream?