A Trip Abroad

Insert7

.

Sydney Renea Mkhize

*Shy*

The time on the wall clock reads 3am in the morning and I'm drinking a bottle of water from the kitchen of my student I had s*x with multiple times. The student I confessed my love to and held her as she cried from the embarrassment of squirting for me. It always gets a person shy when they do it for the first time.

Yes, it is pee but I don't mind it. I love the showers because it means the body is responding instead of her forcing it. It's like a reward for me.

I wash my hands in the sink and prepare an after midnight snack. She's snoring lightly on the couch with a fleece covering her. My mind has been occupied with a thousand scenarios for what might be an explanation for Zakhira being alive. Still alive all these years after I bled for her. I keep thinking about the things we would have done… things only possible if she had contacted me before I thought of myself as too bruised to love and be loved. Before I was hated by most women for breaking their hearts hauled my life to the southern tip of Africa and marry a closested bisexual man who has our gardener suck his dickk on a sunday afternoon after lunch.

I open the balcony door and then close it so she doesn't catch the cold dense morning air. It's still dark and misty.

I pull my phone from the pocket of the white robe and send an email to Beth about taking my classes.

I call her number again. It's picked up immediately and I can feel the walls of my heart clench.

“Hi,” I manage to utter.

“Syd. You got to the hotel safely?” she asks, sounding wide awake. Great, she wasn't sleeping.

“Uhm no, I realised it would be a bad idea to drive in that state. I'm at a friend's place now.” I turn and check Lisa, she's still sleeping. I lean back on the couch and Take a deep breath. “You don't sound like you were sleeping,” I say.

“I wasn't. I've been tossing and turning all night thinking about you. Hearing your voice and… I don't know what to say Syd without sounding off but it made me miss you. Long for you. To feel you and…” she takes a deep breath.

“And touch me. That's what you were going to say right?”

Silence bounces off the waves until she sighs loudly and whispers, “Yes. I want to touch you Syd. I was waiting for you to say you're at the hotel. I'd call an Uber just so I can like… sleep next to you with the window wide open.”

“And catch the sun rising slowly over the tall buildings…” I finish her sentence. It was our routine in Saudi as we didn't want to risk being caught by falling asleep. So we'd stay up talking and watching the sky outside as it swiftly moves from dusk to dawn.

“I want to make your body smile. I… want you in all different ways,” she says. The night becomes still as my feelings get tangled in a knot. I sense the awakening of a love I shared with Khira. A love I thought I burnt and threw it's ashes at the ocean. But what I never realised was that I am the ocean and everything lands back at the beachfront after years of self-cleaning. I've had tsunamis happen in the ocean deep inside of me and those were the days where it was washing and vomiting all the dirt I've thrown in it. It was giving it back to to me.

“Khira…” I whisper as a warning.

“I’m sorry. Tell me, how good of a friend is she?” She asks… about Lisa. I glance over at her beautiful sleeping body and sigh.

“A pretty good one.”

“Did you tell her about me? And how did she take it?”

“I did and well, it's hard to read her reaction.”

“What do you mean?” she asks

“She sounded jealous. Insecure and scared,” I answer.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be….”

“Syd…” she whispers, “I am sorry.”

I brush my face. The walls of strength built around my heart come tumbling down and they are accompanied by painful tears that hold a meeting pulling a huge lump in my throat. I catch the watery feel of warm tears and I lay back. A breeze of cold air hits the opening of my robe.

“I grieved. I went in and out of psych wards and I blamed myself,” I tell her fighting the sobbing attempting to come strongly my way.

I have healed from Khira. Her death..I forgave myself. Maybe I convinced myself that I did heal? I convinced myself that I am over her because a person who is wouldn't be teary and feel this badly again. A healed person wouldn't toss and turn all night with her mind occupied by her ex lover. Is she even an ex? I don't think she ever was. She's a lover whose life I thought was cut short. My love remained with her, as hers for me, remained with her. We have a lot that is unfinished. Hers and I is an incomplete story… atleast on my part. My mind brings me back to the present. Aware of the sensations I feel. She sniffs on the call. She's crying but handles herself well as she takes a deep breath.

“I'm aware of the pain I brought you Syd. It has made my own life hard to live but believe me when I say things had to happen the way the did. My death had to be something real for you so you could be safe. You're persistent Sydney. A fighter. We knew you wouldn't have stayed away from the Kingdom. I hate to take the decision to make it hell. I'm sorry. Deeply sorry.”

I gently wipe the tears and sniff. I check inside and Lisa is still sleeping.

“Your mom knew too?” I ask.

“Yes. She did. Syd… I'm sorry we put you through that but it was the only way.” her voice is trembling.

“I’ll call you when I make it to Pretoria. Okay?”

“Yes,” she replies.

I end the call and walk back inside. I carry Lisa to the bedroom and make sure she's resting. I mindlessly clear the place, take a quick shower and get dressed again. By the time I'm done the clock on the wall reads 5:15. It's stil dark outside.

I take her gate key and write a note that she'll find it in her mailbox and saying sorry I had to leave early in the morning.

I switch off my phone. Pass by the garage to fill up and get some snacks. The 6am news come into the radio as I drive out of EastBay and on route to Pretoria. I should be there in 3-4 hours if the Traffic goes well.

**Lisa Jonas**

.

I've been functioning on auto-mode the entire morning. I didn't expect to be left like that by Shy, her cellphone is off and her classes this morning were taken by Professor Mali. Beth is cool but she's too laid back as a professor. With how Shy does things, I wonder how they beckame friends because they are polar opposites. But they work well, regardless. I mean, Beth wouldn't be a professor in the department if she was as lazy as she is in lecturing.

My mind keeps showering me with flashbacks. How she had made love to each and every part of my body. Kissing every curve, bump and turn. It reminds me of how I cried and squirmed under her. Cursed the hell and heavens everytime she sent me into a state of nirvana, repeatedly.

I think of how heavily she breathed as my own fingers touched her soft spots and wet sections. How she moaned and called my name as she reached an intense orgasm. The clear flashes of how it felt to have her coochie rub against mine, I quickly cross my legs as my c**t remembers the wetness and sweetness as we lost ourselves to the pleasure. How wet, warm and slippery it had felt yielding an insane sense of pleasure.

“Hey!! Come back!!” Yolanda claps her hands Infront of me waking me up from being dazed.

“Hey sorry.. I was thinking. What'sup?”

She sits next to me as the rest of the class walks in. I was early.

“The gang wants to meet up later to chill. Your place available?”

It would keep my head off from thinking about Shy. But all I want to do is cuddle in the bed and think about her.

“Uhh, sure. Y'all can pull up,” I say faking a smile. She nods.

“And we need to talk Liss, like serious talk about us.”

“Sure!” I shrug. She huffs and mouths, “Seriously?”

“What?” I ask.

“Dude, I just asked us to talk and you're shrugging off like it doesn't matter to you. What the hell's up with you today?” She asks. Yolanda's anger sit on the tip of her nose. I don't have time to entertain her bullshit today.

“I know you f****d Junior last week Yols. And probably this week too. I don't care about what you do with your p***y as you know. But what I won't sit through is another session of acting as if you care about me. Fake crying and all that. I'll save us both some time this week and we can let it go. You know what would be cool? Bringing Junior to the hangout. I can give y'all the spare room to f**k. I'd be too busy to care right?” I say it all with a smile. She flinches back in her chair and crosses her arms.

“It's not like that. f**k dawg! It's not even about f*****g Junior or anything. It's about you and how you don't care about us!”

“Mfonidni, you're f*****g your ex raw. An ex who's d**k has been in every hole in this town. And you think I'll care about you more than myself? Be for real!” I say it in a whisper to avoid eavesdroppers. I push my chair back and move to the front as the Professor Mali stands Infront of the class and calls for our attention. I catch Yolanda walking out of the class looking furious.

“I'm Beth Mali and I'll be having you for the week. Professor Mkhize had to take an emergency leave of absence….” My minds cuts off from listening to her. So, Shy will be in Pretoria for a full week. I feel sick and used.

****