A Trip Abroad

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A TRIP ABROAD

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*Lisa Jonas*

They're all here in my apartment. Yolanda came too and they're drinking and watching a movie. Mihle is outside smoking a zol on a phonecall in this chilling cold. It's supposed to be summer but the rain and cold weather in EastBay knows no seasons.

Mihle is f*****g the VC, Shy’s husband. Yolanda is sitting on the floor playing with her Popcorns. She caught up with me during lunchtime at the Café and we had a chat. We always have a chat.

Well, she began by apologising for making me a clown by f*****g the community dickk. It doesn't matter because when we go out again this weekend, she'll slip and f**k him. I don't care really. We decided to end things but remain close friends. It only because I need her.

She takes care of me and she's there when I need her the most. Emotionally and physically, she's always present and with the current uncertainty of things with Shy, I can't get rid of my support system. In the normal sense of things we'd say she cheated but there's nothing normal about me or our friend-group. So, she did what she thought was good for her and I really don't give a rat's ass.

There's Vic in the friend-group. He takes school seriously but school doesn't take him serious. It's a funny and painful s**t. He's always worrying about deadlines but somehow, he never makes these deadlines and always miss them. Vic has a learning disorder but is still in denial. However, in the social sense of things, he's the guy we trust with the aux and campus gossip because everyone treats him as if he doesn't exist.

“Yo Vic!” I call and he looks my way drinking the last of his beer.

“Sure mfethu!” Another thing, Vic is Zulu and his name is Vika. He went to private school, played tennis and prefers to be called Vic.

“I heard Mihle is banging the VC? confirm for me.”

He laughs as Yolanda gives me a deadly stare. We all glance outside to the balcony and she's still smoking, leaning by the barrier and talking away on her cell. The door is closed, so we can't hear anything, nor can she.

“It's true. Been going on for a year now. Everyone on campus knows but no one's saying anything because where is the proof! They're pretty good at sneaking.” He shrugs his shoulders. Yolanda chokes on the orange juice. Karabo is awfully quiet. And she actually has been reserved the entire afternoon, it's unlike her. I walk to sit next to her and place my arm over her shoulders. She smiles faintly.

“Hey mama, what's eating you?” I ask.

She shakes her head no and chuckles.

“Come…” I pull her up and we walk to my bedroom. I turn and signal for privacy.

I lock my bedroom door and she sits on the edge of the bed and pulls up her sweater. I notice her arms.… the cuts. They're fresh. I look at her eyes and she's fighting tears.

I push my self into her and hug her tightly. I hold her until she sobs loudly in my chest. I don't let go until she's quiet again.

“You want to talk about it?” I ask. She shakes her head no.

“Okay. You can sleep over here for the week. I'll call my bio mom and ask her to fetch your clothes. The spare bed will be yours until you feel okay to return to your Res, okay?” She nods and then hugs me again. I kiss her forehead and we go back to join the others. Mihle also walks in rubbing her hands. She jumps into the couch with the blanket and begins terrorising Vic about school.

I sit next to Karabo and cuddle her. Kay struggles with her mental health like the rest of us but unlike me, she uses self-harm as her coping mechanism. She gets suicidal and has attempted to jump off the balcony before. It's hard to constantly be at war with the thoughts in your brain and whenever she's in that wave, we notice through isolative behaviours. Dazing out while we're having a conversations and the blade being her best friend. Karabo lives and fights a number of different voices in her head. She's either extremely happy or sad, there's never a balance with her. Hence we quickly notice when she's not okay.

She always stays with one of us and her moments last up a week or two but being with people she trusts helps her.

“Liss and I broke up,” Yolanda says.

They all look at me to confirm and I just shrug my shoulders.

“Why, you guys were good together?” Vic says.

“Vic please, quit lying. These two were awful as a couple. I'd sometimes wonder if they're really dating or what. No shade but the break up doesn't come as a shock to me.” - Mihle

Kay nods and Yolanda rolls her yes.

“Anyways, it is what it is,” Yolanda says. She continues playing with her popcorn and there's a weird vibe going around in the house.

“This is awkward!” Kay whispers.

“Don't mind it,” I answer her.

We all continue watching the movie.

Yolanda abruptly gets up and searches for her things.

“You’re leaving?” Kay questions and she nods.

“Why?” - Vic.

“Because you guys are taking this break up as a joke. I expected the reaction from Lisa not all of y'all!”

“What the actual hell Yols? You were f*****g Junior and kissing people any chance you get when you're not around Liss, be for real ma'am!” Mihle brings her back to reality.

It is confusing to me how when I give her what she wants, she acts out. What the hell?

“do you u know why I was f*****g Junior and the rest of them? No one asked me that. Lisa is an emotionally unavailable person. I acted out because I needed her to care! To see that I'm tired of her not being available when I need her. But somehow she's always there for you guys. In our relationship, she's never genuinely asked how I am. All I did was nurse her, be there for her when she's hurting but where the hell was she when I needed her??” She shouts and her voice is trembling. I just chuckle and Kay hits me with her elbow to shut up.

“You knew Lee was like that way before you lot even dated. We brought it up when you told us you guys were dating and what did you say? It's nothing you can't handle. And you handled it well by cheating. Now that it's blown in your face, you honestly cannot be shifting the blame dawg. Be for real!” Vic says.

“And you can leave if you want to. No one's going to run after you. When you feel ready to be accountable, you'll come back.” Mihle adds.

She huffs, grab her staff and leaves the place.

“Thanks y'all,” I say.

“Oh! f*****g hell we didn't do it for you! You need to stop breaking people Lisa and actually avail yourself. Yolanda's the third girl you've overhelmed by your unavailability. We can't keep losing the fifth member of this group because of this nonsense you keep doing with them.” - Vic

“Facts!” Kay adds.

My cellphone rings. I pull it from my pocket and it's Shy. I quickly get up and rush outside. Oh f*****g hell it's cold!

I answer the call while walking back in the house to grab the fleece from Kay and rush back out. I close the door while Kay's cursing me out.

“Hello” I finally answer.

“Hey sweet darling, how are you?”

“I'm good.”

She chuckles and then sighs heavily.

“You're mad aren't you?”

“Mhh-hh”

“I'm sorry sweetie. I had to leave early and couldn't wake you. I left snacks and tidied up. Hopefully it motivated you to attend the seminar.”

I exhale and sit on the couch. Folding myself under the warmth of the fleece. It's raining cats and dogs in EastBay and the day is slowly ending.

“Yeah it did. Beth says you'll be in Pretoria for a week.”

“Yeah, that was the plan.”

“Was??”

“Yes. I'm driving back right now.”

My heart leaps in joy and I smile.

“It's raining. Drive carefully!”

“I will. Can I get you something on the way?”

“Box of chocolates will be fine.” I tell her feeling like a child talking to her mother.

“Okay… I want to sleep next to you tonight,” she says softly. I giggle and cross my legs in excitement.

“Not tonight Ma,” I answer.

“Why not?”

“I have my friends over.”

“Ditch them.”

“Shy!” I yelp and giggle looking back in the house.

“I'll come pick you up when I get there. We'll go to the cabin. Make up something for them!”

“Okay.”

“Good girl! I need to drop the call sweet darling. I love you and can't wait to be with you tonight.”

“I can't wait too. Bye,” I reply.

She says her goodbyes and ends the call. I look at the screen and there's a big smile on my face. I'm too excited to walk back in the house. They're gonna know immediately.

Oh! hiding this is taking a lot from me.

***