A WHIRLWIND OF COLOR

23

“I hope you’re right.”

I hope so too. I was surprised by my own thought. For the first time, I found myself wanting to fit into this life. I wanted him to exist. I wanted someone to truly love me as much as he seemed to.

“If you want, we can go home and I can give you a copy of the book you wrote. You can read all about your version of us.”

I shook my head. “I kind of like your version.”

He smiled. “I wanted to shelter you from the bad so that you had a chance to remember the good instead. But it was better that you heard about everything.”

“I get it. My amnesia is basically a fresh start for us.”

“But I was wrong, we don’t need a fresh start. I wouldn’t change a thing about our past because it brought us here.” He pressed his lips together. “I mean…I’d rather this hadn’t happened to us. I’d prefer if you knew me.”

He was older than me. Richer than me. Certainly more charming than me. I knew he was trying to make me fall for him all over again. I had overheard his plan to do just that. But it was still working. I didn’t have the urge to run. At least, not as strong of an urge. There were still things he hadn’t told me, though. I wasn’t sure how many times I had asked what happened to me, and he always skirted around the question. I was about to ask him again, but he started talking before I opened my mouth.

“You’ve barely touched your food,” he said.

Instead of focusing on the delicious meal that was placed in front of me, I had been listening to his stories. The meal was good, but I wasn’t really hungry. “I’m officially on a diet,” I said and pushed the plate aside. “Besides, I may have eaten quite a bit of ice cream earlier today.”

“You were upset?”

It was unnerving how he knew me so well. “I woke up to your brother in my bed. I tried to leave the apartment and was stopped by two security guards. And Rob wouldn’t tell me anything that was going on. I wasn’t just upset, I was frustrated and scared and…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Where were you?”

“As much as I wish it could, my life can’t just stop because you forgot who you are. I have a lot of obligations. Trust me, I wish I could have woken up next to you.”

I looked at the dark circles under his eyes. “Did you even sleep?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well since you’ve been in the hospital.”

“But I’m back now.”

“Not completely. It’s easy to forget when we’re like this. You look and sound and act like my Penny. But I can see the difference in your eyes. There’s no love there. What’s the point of sleeping when it already feels like I’m in a nightmare I can’t wake up from?”

That’s what I had been thinking this was. A terrible nightmare I was stuck in. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I felt the same way for the opposite reasons. My lack of love toward him terrified him. And his love for me terrified me. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking for you to apologize. This isn’t your fault. I just…I never thought I could miss you so much when you were sitting across from me. You really don’t remember anything? Nothing I told you jogged your memory?”

“I’m sorry.”

He cringed at my apology. “Please stop apologizing. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I’m sorry...geez. I can’t seem to stop,” I said with a laugh. “I always apologize for everything.”

“Yeah.” He squeezed my hand. “You did that a lot when we first met.”

“I did?”

He nodded. “Not so much since. It must have been a 19-year-old thing.”

I laughed. “Probably because any time anyone gave me attention it felt like I was in trouble. I’ve spent most of my life being invisible. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that is capable of feeling alone in a crowded room.”

“But you’re never alone. You have me.”

My heart felt like it stopped beating as I stared into his eyes.

“I’ve always seen you, Penny. The only time I’m happy is when you’re in a room with me.”

God was he handsome. When he looked at me like that if made me want to melt into my chair. My whole body felt like it was on fire. And I had the strangest urge to lean across the table and kiss him. “What time is Melissa coming today?” I blurted out. I wanted to punch myself in the face as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth. Why had I felt so compelled to take that beautiful moment and ruin it? What is wrong with me? Love was staring me in the face and I had just pissed all over it for no reason at all.

He let go of my hand and straightened in his seat. “Not until 8:30.” He glanced down at his watch. “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. We should probably get going.”

“You told me everything except what happened to me.” I felt like there was more he was holding back. There were holes in his story that I was only just starting to realize. I was dying to get my phone back so I could research his ex-wife and see what she was up to.