A WHIRLWIND OF COLOR

25

I looked down at the tan lines on my finger. Those rings would have made it easier to get cash. Where were they? Was James hiding them for some reason? Maybe he doesn’t trust you with them. That would be fair enough. He didn’t trust me and I certainly didn’t trust him.

God, I was so pissed at him. He went on and on about our wedding and how I cried when he said his vows. He said it was perfect. How was getting shot on our wedding day perfect?

I tried the zipper once more to no avail. Screw it. I pulled the bag over my shoulder. It was time to make a run for it.

A knock on the door downstairs made me freeze. Who the hell was that? I set the bag back down, abandoning it on my bed, and tiptoed down the stairs. Please don’t be James. If he was back already, I’d have no chance to escape. And he’d know I was upset with him. He could read me like the back of his hand, which was totally unfair because I couldn’t read him at all.

The knock sounded again as I tiptoed through the kitchen. It probably wasn’t James, or he’d let himself in. Maybe it was Rob again. James liked to send people here to watch me. But Rob had also let himself in. Which meant it was most likely someone James didn’t trust.

The thought made me pause. There was no way that I was going to die tonight. I grabbed a knife from the knife block on the kitchen counter before making my way into the foyer. I peered through the peephole in the door and all my fears melted away. Melissa was standing there with a suitcase and a huge smile on her face. I set down the knife.

“Penny!” Melissa screamed when I opened the door.

“Melissa!” I threw myself into her arms.

“I’ve missed you,” she said.

“God, I’ve missed you too.” I didn’t want to let go. Someone was finally here to help me make sense of everything. I trusted her with my life. She’d help me get out of here. She’d help save me from this hell.

I pulled away from her embrace and held her at arm’s length. “You have to help me. I need to get…” my voice trailed off when I saw Josh standing behind her. A much older looking Josh. I glanced back at my best friend. Her hair was longer than it had been a few days ago when we were studying for finals. And she was tanner and wearing way more eye makeup than she usually did. A small piece of me was holding out hope that she’d be from the life that I remembered. That she’d hold the key to my going back in time where I belonged. But she wasn’t who I remembered either. She was different. Older. She wasn’t the Melissa I knew anymore.

I felt tears forming in my eyes. “You’re not 19.” I wish it had come out as a question, but there was no reason to ask. She was definitely not 19. Just like when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see a 19 year old anymore either. Which meant this was real. This horrible nightmare was my new reality. My chest hurt. My lungs felt like they weren’t taking in air.

The light in Melissa’s eyes seemed to dim. “I was hoping your memory would be back before I got here. I’m sorry it took me so long, but it was hard to get off work. We came as soon as we could. We originally planned a whole vacation here a few weeks from now but…” he voice trailed off. “The plans changed.” She practically grimaced at her own words.

“Melissa…” I was having trouble breathing. “I want to wake up. Help me wake up. You have to help me.”

She wrapped her arms around me again. “Penny, we’re going to figure this out together, okay? I’m not going anywhere until we get your memory back. I promise.”

I clung to her like she was the only thing keeping me from sinking to the floor. “I don’t want it back. I just want to be me again. Before all this. This isn’t my life, I know it’s not. It couldn’t possibly be. I wouldn’t have done the things that brought me here. Help me go back.”

I heard her try to stifle a sob. “I’m sorry, Penny. I’m so sorry.”

I rested my head on her shoulder and let myself cry. I felt like I had been holding back tears for years. And now that I had started crying, I couldn’t stop. “This can’t be real.” I wasn’t sure if she could even understand me through my sobs.

“It’s okay,” she said in a soothing voice. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

But it wasn’t. I was in hell and there was no escape.

***

“Here you go,” Melissa said and set the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of me. “You think tea is a cure-all.”

There was no denying anything now. Melissa was my last hope and she was sticking with everyone else’s story. “That’s nice,” I said and lifted the cup. Having the warm cup between my hands was soothing. Maybe the new me had a point.

“So tell me what the last thing you remember is. James caught me up on the phone, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

“I was studying for my sociology final. I thought I must have fallen asleep or something while I was reading through my notes.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I feel the same as I did when I was 19. My heart even still feels broken from the last message I got from Austin…”

“What did he say in it?”

“That he thought we should maybe take a break over the summer and see how things go next semester.”

“Oh. I remember that one. You were really upset.”

I looked down into my teacup. “I am upset.”

“Penny, that was seven years ago.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Well, I’m going to give you a quick rundown, okay? You aced your Soci exam.”

I smiled.

“And all your other exams, like always. And you went home and worked some dumb retail job over the summer. We talked all the time even though we were apart. You were still torn up over Austin. And then near the end of summer he said he was coming back to campus early and that he hoped to see you soon. So you went back early too. And he stopped texting you like the ass that he is.”

“So I never heard from him again?” I looked up from my cup. That hurt. He totally ghosted me.

“Not exactly. I forced you to go out with him one more time. But it was only because you didn’t tell me that you were dating your professor.”