what does peace feel like?
654 Words
Chapter 1
Have you ever smiled so much that people forgot to ask if you were okay?
Have you ever smiled so much that people forgot to ask if you were okay?
I have.
People say smiling is a sign of happiness.
I wonder who came up with that.
My name is Luna.
I'm seventeen years old, a Grade 12 student.
If you asked anyone to describe me, they'd probably say,
"She's always smiling."
And they're right.
I smile when I'm happy.
I smile when I'm nervous.
I smile when I'm tired.
I even smile when my heart feels too heavy to carry.
It's become part of me.
Just like touching my hair whenever someone asks me a question.
They think it's just a habit.
Maybe it is.
Or maybe smiling is easier than explaining why I'm hurting.
Sometimes I wonder...
What does peace feel like?
Is it waking up without your chest feeling heavy?
Is it coming home without fear?
Is it hearing your name without expecting to be compared to someone else?
I don't know.
Maybe that's because I've never really met peace before.
Home is supposed to be where people feel safe.
Mine was a place where every report card decided whether I was enough.
Where every mistake reminded me that someone else was always better.
They said they wanted the best for me.
Maybe they did.
But all I ever wanted...
...was to be understood.
People often ask me why I overthink everything.
Why I don't trust people easily.
Why I smile when my eyes are begging for rest.
I usually shrug and say,
"I'm okay."
But the truth is...
It all started when I was nine years old.
Before then...
I wasn't alone.
I had a twin.
Lily.
We shared everything.
Our birthdays.
Our dreams.
Our laughter.
She was brave.
I was quiet.
She was the sunshine.
I was the moon that followed her light.
We promised we'd never leave each other.
But promises...
...don't stop tragedy.
Lily never came home.
I did.
From that day on...
The house became quieter.
My father left for work every morning without stopping by our room.
There was no reason to anymore.
Lily wasn't there.
My mother stopped preparing meals for me.
She left food on the table...
But she never called my name.
No one looked at me the same way again.
They never said the words.
They didn't have to.
Every stare whispered the same thing.
She did it.
She was jealous of Lily.
Lily was the bright one.
She should have protected her.
Without a single word leaving their mouths...
I became guilty.
I caged myself inside a crime I never committed.
But...
There was someone.
My grandma.
The parent I always had.
She wasn't rich.
She didn't have big words.
She couldn't erase my pain.
But she never made me carry it alone.
She saw through every fake smile.
Every forced laugh.
Every "I'm okay."
One evening, she held my hand and smiled.
"My child," she said softly.
"Don't spend your life waiting for people to become the parents you need."
"Live your life. Chase your dreams. Build the future your heart deserves."
"And one day..."
"...love others the way you always wished to be loved."
I didn't understand her words then.
But years later...
They became the reason I never gave up.
- Writer
