The broken beta - healed by innocence

All that is lost

*Briony*

Everything. Everything is gone.

I stare at the brown flowing river and wonder why we even bother to look. My letters from Chase, a miniature of my mother. I brought everything that ever meant anything to me, and now everything is gone.

Everything except the pocket watch I purchased for Chase.

I fight back the tears welling in my eyes. I've lost everything once before and I survived. I will survive again.

I lift my chin in defiance, daring the fates to toy with me. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the sunlight glinting through the mud. Lifting my skirts, I walk cautiously to the water’s edge.

My mirror, the one my mother gave me, catches and reflects the sunlight. I reach down, pull it from the mud, and wash it gently in the water, a sweet memory from the distant past.

I dry the mirror on my skirt, then hold it up to gaze at my reflection; I'm a mess. My hair is tangled, there’s a bruise on my sun-tinged cheek, a button is missing from my bodice.

I look harder at the mirror, and in the background, a green cloud billows in the breeze. I turn over my shoulder and look down the stream.

I trudge along the water’s edge until I come upon the green dress, its bodice wrapped tightly around the spindly branches of a bush, its skirt flapping in the wind. I gather the skirt close, bury my face in the smooth fabric, and let the tears fall.

*Wade*

That's how I find her. Sitting in the mud with the water lapping at her feet, her knees drawn up, her face hidden by the abundance of green silk.

I wish I could have spared her this journey, could have just plucked her up and put her in Chase’s house without asking her to endure heartache, storms, and raging rivers.

I imagine sitting on the porch years from now with nieces and nephews circling around me, telling them about the journey I made with their mother. A she-wolf of courage, I would call her.

And I hope that no one will hear in my voice or see reflected in my gaze that I have fallen deeply in love with her.

I skid down the muddy bank and catch my balance, stopping myself before I plunge into the river. I trudge through the mud and kneel beside her. “Briony?”

She lifts her tear-streaked face. “This was the first dress I have had in over ten years that didn’t belong to someone else first. I was going to save it for the day I married Chase.” She crushes the skirt to her chest. “It’s all caught up on the branches.”

I know well the feeling of wearing someone else’s hand-me-downs. I have worn Chase’s discarded clothing until the war. The first piece of clothing I had worn that had been mine and mine alone had been the gray jacket my mother had sewn me so I could ride off with pride alongside my father and older brother.

Only I hadn’t felt pride... only fear, a cold dread that had slithered through my bowels. A terror as unsettling as the one surrounding me now. I want this she-wolf safe, safe within my brother’s arms, where I can’t touch her, where I can’t drag her down into the hell that was my life.

I remove my knife. “I’ll cut the branches, and you can take your time working the dress free. Maybe you can repair the damage.”

I move around her and begin hacking at the limbs.

“I found my mother’s mirror,” she says quietly. She touches my brim. “You found your hat.”

“Yep. Other than that, I haven’t had much luck. The water’s too strong. The current’s too fast.” I say sadly.

She sighs. “Are we going to go back to Dean and Julieta’s?”

I shake my head. “Didn’t see that they had much to spare. Think we would just end up losing time and gaining very little.”

“Then what will we do?” She asks.

I cut through the last branch and sheathe my knife. “We’ll survive. We’ve still got everything I packed on Sorrel. It’s not much, but it’s enough. I’ve traveled with less.”

She bundles up the green silk and rises. I shove myself to my feet, remove my hat, and extend it toward her. “You’ll need to wear this.”

Her eyes widen. “But that’s your hat.”

“I know, but I can’t find Blaise’s hat or your bonnet, and the sun will turn your pretty skin into leather. It can’t hurt mine much.” I grimace as a tear trails along her cheek. “Don’t start crying on me.”

“But I know what your hat means to you.” She says softly.

I almost tell her that she means more, but rein in the words that I have no right to voice aloud. “Then take good care of it because I’ll want it back when we get to the ranch.”